Barb's Space

Progressing...

2011-07-15T09:30:00.001-04:00

I am still growing and changing since the stroke. In April I told some friends that I thought I had gone backwards over the winter, and one who prays and has a prophetic gift said that Jesus had it under control and that I was getting ready for a big leap forward. It is sometimes hard for me to wait and rest in the Lord when things seem to move at a snail's pace, but I'm learning.

So it should have been no surprise when in mid-May I found myself able to do something I haven't been able to do since before the stroke. I woke up one morning able to and wanting to organize and settle my home. That may seem ho-hum and ordinary, but it is huge for me now. When my guys moved me here, they put out the rudimentary things, but the rest remained stored in boxes in my spare room. I often thought of going through those boxes; however the task not only seemed overwhelming, but also incomprehensible. I don't know how to completely explain what happened in the stroke, but that area of comprehension is finally coming back. I'm not done organizing yet, but I've gotten rid of some things and put others in place. I've also been able to climb on a step stool again, and even hang a couple pictures by myself.

I have wanted to reread some decorating books I got years ago at the half price bookstore, as well. I'd thought of getting rid of them because they were incomprehensible to me, but all of a sudden I understood them again.

I now am also getting more comfortable with grocery shopping. I've been doing it for a year and a half or so, but it was very hard for a long time. Now I can make a list of more than seven items and even use the self checkout or go to a cashier and pay without taking what seems to me like forever. It's not like it used to be, but I have hope it can keep improving.

My typing is getting better--faster and with fewer mistakes than before, at least at times. I'm starting to play a few computer games to work on eye-hand coordination as well, and to play solitaire with a deck of cards from time to time to work on dexterity. Also, my driving is still slowly coming along. At least I'm no longer running up on islands at the gas station, and I can put in gas with less trouble. Oh, I also am washing dishes more. Laundry is still a challenge, as I have to drive to get there to do it, but it's possible.

So, though things are not happening at my desired pace, they are happening. Thank you all for your continued prayers on my behalf. Love in Jesus, Barb

The Best Adventures...

2011-02-14T10:52:00.003-05:00

My son Micah has been wanting to get away from the snow and cold for a few weeks now, and he finally escaped! He just took off over the weekend and flew to California. He rented a car, is in Long Beach right now and will be driving up to Seattle where his cousin lives starting tomorrow. He really likes new adventures, and just decided to make one.

I found this out when I called to tell him I love him and to wish him a good day. Micah said to me a few months ago that he's concerned that I may get to the end of my life and regret that I didn't do more. That started me thinking a lot.

Yes, I really enjoy travel. I have not had much money over the course of my life, but I have traveled at different times. I haven't gone anywhere of note since my stroke 2 1/2 years ago. I also don't try ice skating, or do much in the way of other types of good times like bowling, etc. So, am I going to regret that I didn't do more?

Maybe, but that is not where my best adventures lie. I do still have adventures, but they look different. I have had to rethink what I enjoy most, and what I enjoy most are my adventures in the Lord. What I mean by that is I ask Him who to talk to and what to pray about. In doing that, at times the Lord has sent me to see friends in other parts of the state, or down in Florida, Georgia, Kentucky and Tennessee.

He sent me into a homeless shelter where I lived and worked as receptionist, evening guard/helper and Bible Study leader for a few months. I got to meet many interesting courageous women.

I got to watch as churches died, and I am now getting to watch one going into revival/reformation. I am seeing people come out of all sorts of addictions into freedom (the first person I saw and am still seeing is myself).

I have been led to minister to a family who was abused, and to someone after her abusive ex-husband died for a short season while she and her children were putting their lives back together.

The Lord allowed me to minister to a husband and wife when he came out of jail and their church wouldn't talk to him because of the nature of the crime.

There have been many such adventures so far, and I expect many more. Will there be things in this life that I would like to do that I won't do? Quite possibly. But for me, the adventure of following wherever the Lord leads is the best one, and I will never regret that. Anything else the Lord allows is just icing on the cake.

Weddings

2010-06-11T12:40:00.001-04:00

Ten years ago in March 2000 we had wedding #1. Our oldest, Jonathan said, "I do," to his bride, Anne. They have been through a lot, and we found out nearly a month ago that they are expecting. It is very good news as they have been trying for a long time.

On May 15, 2010, our second son got married. He is 30 and she is 25 or 26. Already their union has required excellent communication skills and a willingness to find out what's best for both of them. It is going to continue to require that kind of dedication to make this work, but they both want it to, and are saying it is worth the effort. I love them both, and pray for God's best and for them to continue to give their best.

New Beginnings

2010-05-03T11:00:00.000-04:00

Today is another new beginning. I have been in a funk for months, and a partial funk for some years, but I am waking up again. I got so tired of hurting and being scared and angry that I had to find a way to begin again. I choose to live, love, create, grow and be joyful.

To get here, however, I've had to revisit the painful areas of my life. It is rather like having a broken leg that healed wrong. It has to be rebroken and set to heal correctly. It's not fun, but very necessary. Without this and continuing work I would end up old (a state of mind, not body--I will get older, but I don't have to act old), and bitter and permanently burnt out.

How did I get to this place? By living life. But I am not alone. There is not one of us who has not been hurt and banged up in life. It is the human condition. The question is, what are we going to do about it? Are we going to stay in denial, or are we going to allow ourselves to heal so we can go back to growing and being productive and joyful (or maybe doing those things for the first time in our lives)? It is our choice.

The path to growth and healing is very individualized, for we are not clones. Each of us has different needs and wants to grow in different areas. What are your areas? I would love to hear about your life. You have read quite a bit about mine if you have read this blog over the years. If you would like to share about you with me or hear more about my path to healing, please email me at

capturedbygrace777@gmail.com

and I will listen to you and share more. I am not a sales person, and this is not a sales pitch. I am interested in all of us living in a way that makes us glad at the end of our lives that we were here. I care that we live and don't just exist--we all have so much to give and be, if we will only let ourselves. In the meantime, God bless your week with His peace, love, hope and joy.

Forgiveness Triumphs

2010-01-27T11:14:00.000-05:00

I watched part of the Today Show this morning, and saw Gayle Haggard, wife of former New Life Church megachurch pastor Ted Haggard being interviewed. It actually was a very good interview. She just wrote a book called Why I Stayed, which speaks about her choice of forgiveness for her husband.

It reminds me of something our pastor read to us in prayer meeting a few weeks back. It was in a book by Danny Silk entitled Culture of Honor. Danny said that if we are going to be a healing, restoring church we will take each case needing healing and restoration very individually. He spoke of a music minister who committed adultery. This man was a very anointed minister and was bringing much to his church. When he was asked why he had done this thing, he said he didn't know. Those over him said there had to be a reason, and it eventually came to light that he had been able to express his love for the Lord in worship in front of thousands, but had never been able to say he loved his family members. He wasn't able to love anyone who was imperfect. When that and the reason for that were dealt with, he could give and receive true love in his family and started doing so. He totally repented for the adultery, and is now in an accountability relationship, and bearing fruit while ministering again.

Some would say that man would need more discipline and time before he could minister again. But is that true? How long does it take to repent for something and start to walk in that repentance? Isn't that the goal of church discipline? The Matthew 18 pattern for church discipline mentions taking sin before the whole body only when every other means of dealing with it has been exhausted. Sin should be dealt with only within the sphere where it happened if possible.

Repentance isn't just words, but there won't be repentance if the root cause isn't discovered and dealt with. Too often the body of Christ deals with the fruit of sin and doesn't find the root. This almost guarantees a recurrance. If the man is really in an accountability relationship, being honest and vulnerable now, that will take care of things for the future.

As human beings, however, we want our pound of flesh. We say we want restoration, but we really almost instinctively want to make the one who hurt us pay first. That is not God's way. He wants relationship with us so much that Jesus died and took the penalty for our sin to make that possible. Should we make others pay more than God does? How much have we been forgiven, and should not that same forgiveness be offered to our leaders and others?

That is what Gayle Haggard is saying, I believe. I googled her and went to their website and read their statement. I believe forgiveness is definitely in order. The body of Christ dropped the ball in this situation as much as Ted Haggard. I further believe that if we can't learn this lesson, we will continue to lose some of our best people, for the enemy doesn't play fair and will exploit any weakness, especially in those who are mightily used in God's kingdom. Let the one who has not sinned throw the first stone.

Something from Nothing

2010-01-22T13:18:00.002-05:00

I was just reading about a church in

Haiti

that lost their building in the earthquake. The people are living in tents, and have little to no food. Yet the pastor is essentially telling them when they have no food, the Word of God is a feast, and when they have no water, there is Living Water. He is telling the people they can still be happy with the joy of Jesus.

Does that sound ridiculous? To some people, maybe. But to others of us it sounds like the kind of faith God wants us to have. It is something I haven't attained yet, but I am working toward it. How do I work toward it? By working more to know my Lord's love for me. That's where all the answers are.

Everything good in life comes from God and the more I know Him the more I can receive from Him in the physical and spiritual realm. I am praying for those (and all) Haitians, but I believe they have a very good deal, if they can but see it as an opportunity. As they look to God during this time, I believe He will give them an abundance of spiritual food, and what they need physically. My Bible says that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, and mount up with wings as eagles, that they will run and not be weary and walk and not faint. I look to see miracles for them in days ahead.

Meanwhile, I am working on trusting God a year and a half after a stroke while I am still recovering. He is working on helping me see where He was during some memories--He had to be there. He knew me before the foundation of the world and He says He will never leave me or forsake me. I just need to know where He was and what He was doing during those times. Even before I know I need to trust Him.

I pray in the coming days we can all grow to know the Lord more. It will help us trust Him in days ahead, will enrich our lives and can help bring others to Him.

Abuse or God's Love?

2010-01-09T09:33:00.005-05:00

What is abuse? Abuse is the wrongful use of things or the use of people. People are created to have relationships, not to be used to get our needs or desires met. In the process of relating, some of our needs and desires can and will be met, but that cannot be our primary purpose. As soon as it becomes so, we will manipulate and do things to get what we want, think we need, or legitimately do need.

Our source for getting our needs and desires met must be God, our heavenly Father. If we trust Him to provide for us, that leaves us free to relate to people, be they husbands, wives, friends, co-workers or others we meet.

The Bible tells us something about this: James 3:13-18 NIV says: 13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

In other words, if we have God's desires in mind for relationships we will want the best for others. That can't happen, however, unless we get our own needs met. God didn't make us to be unfulfilled. He made us for the purpose of fellowship and to find our fulfillment in Him. Only when we do, can we walk in the heavenly wisdom described above with others.

This is one reason why telling a wife to submit more doesn't work. Her needs aren't being met. Until they are, she has nothing to give. Also, if "submitting" more makes a woman less of a person, this grieves God. Relationships can't work from emptiness, but from fullness. When we receive from God we have what He has given us to share with others, so that hopefully they might want to come to Him as well.
Wanting the best for others sometimes means not being around them, if their heart is to use/abuse. Why? We are helping them sin against God, themselves and others. That is enabling, and it never helps. When the person wants to change, his/her heart gets softer and we won't hurt them by being with them. Until that time God will see to it that others come into their lives--others who will also offer the gift of change. Because God wants to help them, they will never be totally alone, even if it seems they are. He will be right there.

Abuse is very common because we don't understand the kind of love God wants us to love with. As we are closer to Him, our love becomes more like His and our relationships get better even when they look worse. I am looking forward to receiving and giving more of His love in days to come. Are you?

Domestic Abuse: Making Marriage Safe

2010-01-08T13:34:00.006-05:00

I want to talk for a few minutes about a couple subjects that are very dear to my heart--domestic abuse, and the other side, making marriage safe. First I'll start with domestic abuse. It is not an uncommon problem in today's world, even among people who are in church. When left unaddressed it destroys homes and families, and it is unaddressed even more often in the church than in the world.

The church often doesn't want to talk about abuse because we don't want to believe it's happening among us. We're Christians, after all. We are supposed to have good marriages.

Saying that doesn't make it so, however. We came out of the world, but we often don't know how to walk in God's kingdom. Many of us don't know how to make or live in a culture of honor and respect. Hurt, fearful and/or angry from our past, we don't know how to get rid of those things, and so they carry on in our families.

Some of us (including leaders' wives) have been able to limp along for years with physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse. We can excuse it by saying that isn't what this is. That is what happens in other families. What we are experiencing is caused by stress, job loss, illness, whatever, and will get better as we get a handle on the problem. But it never does get better for very long. There is always a new trigger, and the cycle continues month after month, then year after year.

A few churches try to deal with the problem by using "wife submit" scriptures, saying that if wives did this right, there wouldn't be a problem. But that doesn't take care of the sin in the human heart, and it puts the blame for the problem only on the wife. What she is guilty of is usually not lack of submission, but lack of self-respect. If she can't honor and respect the person God made her to be, it won't help bring needed change. Living in fear will not cause things to get better, either.

For the church to deal with this problem and make marriages safe, we must become what my pastor calls a kingdom culture, with honor and respect for each other and ourselves. We are created in God's image and He has a plan for each of us. The church must believe this--and also believe that God has provided a way for us fallen creatures not only to be redeemed, but to be transformed. Transformation comes through consistent honesty, truth, and mercy. That makes a safe environment in which to work on our stuff.

As the church, we must also realize that all of us have stuff to work on. If we don't understand that, we will see ourselves as better than others, including our mates. No one fully walks in the righteousness of Christ, and if we try to deal with the problem of abuse without knowing that, we almost certainly doom troubled marriages.

I pray that in this year the body of Christ become a safe place to heal and be transformed. If you have been abused or if you are an abuser, I pray you can find a safe place to change. God loves you, and He has good plans for your life if you'll walk with Him in this.

If you need an online place to look for help, try Focus Ministries at http://www.focusministries1.org/
(just copy and paste in the address bar and push GO or whatever your browser says) or write me back. I pray God bless us and help us become more of who He created us to be as individuals and as the body of Christ in 2010.

Starbucks, Panera and Church

2010-01-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about this subject for a long time...at least four years. It all started with Graham Cooke, who is a minister (not one in the usual mold) from England. He has been used to shatter more of my "religiosity." He referred to Starbucks as "St. Arbucks," and said it was a very good place to meet with the Lord. ...I began to meditate on that during my many jaunts there.

For quite some time, I've liked taking books to Starbucks and sitting there for a few hours in the morning (starting 6 or 7am). I'm ready to leave by 11 or so, though, because it is so noisy. Then this winter (a couple years ago before the stroke), my son Micah and I went to a cozy all-night one to wait for a winter storm that never really panned out. Since neither of us had to get up early the next morning, we got there at 9pm and stayed till 1am, while playing some card games (Speed and another one). It was fun, and in between rounds we could talk and I could observe. The Thursday before, after a women's gathering I met Micah at the same one, that time for a 10pm-midnight stint, and the same things happened.

Also I expanded my "research" that winter to Panera, taking in my computer (thanks to the free wi-fi) and arranging counseling appointments there. I finally decided to "take the plunge" that January and stay all day, from about 6am till 8pm. No, they didn't throw me out--either time. I could sit on the side at a table for two near a wall plug and "compute" or observe or read or meet with people to my heart's content. I bought one small coffee and a bagel for under $3, and then a half sandwich (or other things) for under $3 and that would do me (since I could get coffee refills). I was set up for the day.

Why do people like such places so much? There is no agenda. You can go and be yourself without putting on an act. You can enjoy being alone or with others and it's informal. You can talk or not talk, meet friends, play games, work on computer, read the paper or a book, watch people, write.... It is what every church should be like. In fact, a lot of times I feel Panera and Starbucks are more the church than the church is.

...Now I am writing from today's perspective. I go to Starbucks or Panera to read at times (may start going back to write again) but I don't need it as much. Why? Because the Vineyard church I am in is working on becoming that kind of culture where we can just meet as people before God, without our masks. This is what will cause us to walk in more of God's grace, and to share more of His grace.

Do you want to live in a culture that is hospitable to the Kingdom of God? Find a church where the leadership nurtures that kind of thinking on an everyday basis, come to ours, or go to hang out regularly at Starbucks or Panera and see what happens when you purpose to live without a mask before God and people and invite and receive others who do so.

My Life: A Thumbnail Sketch

2010-01-02T09:21:00.000-05:00

I wrote this for another reason, but it occurs to me that you know little about my life, so I thought I would share it here as well.

I was born in Kenmore, NY and lived near there in Tonawanda close to Buffalo, NY till I was twelve. That place had about 90 inches of snow a year. I loved it!! Then we moved to Buena Park, CA.

We were in CA for four years. Our family moved because my father pioneered new sales territories for his company, then gave them to someone less experienced once they were developed. I missed snow bigtime, but I really enjoyed my high school years there--I didn't have a lot of friends, but I had good ones.

(One amusing thing I found as we moved around was the difference in language between the east coast and the west coast. In New York we wore sneakers, but in California they were tennis shoes-while in Indiana they were either one. We carried bags of groceries in the east, while in the west and midwest we carried sacks, and lastly, we put our feet up on a hassock in the east, while we rested our feet on a footstool in the west and midwest. There were other differences, but I won't digress any more.)

After my sophomore year we moved to Indianapolis, IN. When we told people we were moving, everyone including me thought we were moving to a farming community. Not true--Indianapolis is a regular city right in the center of the state. The last of my high school years were spent in a rather elitist public high school that I didn't enjoy.

When I graduated I tried my hand at college in a small town (at that time) in southern IN on the Ohio River. I spent a year and a half all told on my formal higher education, studying philosophy, sociology, psychology and English composition (leaving the requirements for later, which may be why I didn't finish). Originally I planned to become an elementary school teacher, but there were too many already who were having a hard time finding jobs, so I didn't want to go there. Then I considered becoming a social worker, but there were already enough policies I knew I'd come in conflict with, so I decided that wouldn't work. Same with psychology.

After leaving school, I started as a mail room clerk for a retirement pension fund and worked there for three years. During this time I became a committed Christian, met my future husband, and got married in 1976 at age 25 to a social worker.

All I'm going to say is that it was a very rough marriage, but I now have three grown children who are wonderful men from that time. I separated for the second time in 1999 when they were almost grown, and he didn't want to work on the marriage and divorced me in 2004.

There have been many events during and since my marriage like an auto accident in 1983 where my father died and I lost a baby girl in the womb, a tornado in 2002 that destroyed much of my apartment complex but left my apartment intact (they closed the complex and I had to move), the time I visited some friends in Florida just as a hurricane hit (when I flew down I thought it would miss them, but it changed course), the year my apartment flooded at Christmas, and some other things, but why bore you with details? Life has been anything but dull, and it is still interesting today.

I wrote a web page for years until they shut down the free part of the site. Before too many more years pass, I am expecting to write for publication--I almost think I may have learned enough in life to have something to share :) . While still growing and changing, I'm looking to see where God and life take me next. I want to enjoy life and live it well because our lives are part of a whole story the Lord is writing and I want to read all of it some day.

Changes, Changes-Part 2

2009-12-26T18:34:00.006-05:00

One of my sons read my last blog posting about changes and he had a few comments. Always my optimist, his viewpoint was interesting. His comment concerned our outlook on life. He never realized that my feeling of not deserving anything good started in childhood. That being the case, he knows it is taking some time and persistence to change it. He also said that he remembers me questioning him as a young teen one day when he said, "Well you know, all things work together for good to those who love God." I asked him if he really believed it, and he said yes, because God said it.

Now, I've been a Christian for 38 years, and I'm still coming to feel that truth. I've known it and even seen it work to some degree in my life. Though it has been in my mind, I haven't had that truth deeply embedded in my heart. That is so very important because I keep having more history added to my life every day and I never want to end up a bitter old lady, which is what will happen if my heart can't more fully grasp God's truth.

We also discussed the idea that outlook can make a big difference in how life happens. The Bible says it in Rom 12:2, telling us to let our minds be renewed so we can prove God's will. I am beginning to understand this to mean to let Him help me get rid of the untruths I've believed for years, and not just to begin wanting what He wants. It also alludes to that when it tells us to think on things that are good, lovely, and of good report in Phil 4:8, and when it tells us in Proverbs that as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. My son then said as an example that my husband's second wife has a little different outlook on life than I've had, and we are hoping that can help make their marriage go better. The difference is in her heart, not her head.

I am also thinking about the attitude I've carried over the years about this son's unshakable optimism. On the surface I have been irritated, wondering how it can be so easy for him to believe (he believes it's a combination of parenting and personality). What I have wanted to know is that his is not just cheerfulness and a positive view of life. I've been somewhat frightened--what will happen when he comes up against something in life that seems immovable? I don't want his faith to come crashing down. I mentioned this to him again, then realized aloud again that when faith is needed and works the most is when the chips are down.

Even though I'm battling with God over this, or maybe especially because of this battle, I believe God is working within me. He is working to make my faith more solid and real, based on Him alone and nothing else in my heart, not just my head. It's been slow going, but I choose to believe I will know more of God and His wonderful love when I come through this.

I pray the same for you. Battling with God is not wrong--He would much rather we battle with Him than ignore Him. We can be changed through the battle and know Him in new and deeper ways. That's what I want from my battle scars. Do you? On His part, God is often allowing us experiences designed to bring us into and through battle. The question is, will we engage? My answer is a hesitant yes. What about you?

Changes. Changes-Part 1

2009-12-18T11:47:00.012-05:00

On and off for the last few days I have been working at once in a while stuff--overhauling my privacy settings and the things I share on the net--and at getting involved in at least one new site. The one I'm trying is Classmates.com to see what will happen. My high school years weren't filled with friends, but I really remember a few of my classmates and I thought I would try to get in contact. I take the no-pay route, which is a little harder, but I am interested to see what if anything comes from it.

This past year has been really different. I have been working on getting rid of some attitudes that could only hold me back from a good future. That has been interesting, and I'm still working on it, but I can see some changes even now in my life. Going on Classmates is one change. I used to believe I didn't deserve much good. That thought is changing slowly. (It isn't a matter of what I deserve, but of what Jesus wants for me.) I have been a Christian for many years, but I am now learning more about God's love for me--that He loved me even before He created me and that His love for me could never stop. (I knew this intellectually, but now I'm experiencing it more.) I'm learning more about His forgiveness. (He provided complete forgiveness for everything in my past, present and future because He knows every sin I will commit, not only the ones I've already done; He died for every one of them.) It is helping me forgive others more and be willing to try new things. I'm learning how to walk with Him with less and less of a mask. (Since He really knows all my thoughts and feelings as well as my actions, why should I hide them? He loves me anyway, and can only change me if I'm honest.)

All of these new thoughts boggle my mind, but I'm exploring them in increasing depth and watching how many areas of my life and behavior toward my Lord and others are being touched. I can't forgive well if I don't feel forgiven, and I can't love others or God Himself with unconditional agape love until I have been immersed in it myself. I need more than a head knowledge of these things, and that experiential knowledge is growing to a new level in my life.

I am looking forward, albeit a little hesitantly, to the new year and what more realization will do for my life. God bless you as this year ends and the new one begins, with your first knowing of Him or a greater depth in His love, grace and mercy.

Humility-An Elusive but Vital Gift

2009-12-07T13:30:00.004-05:00

Recently our pastor spoke on humility, which is one aspect of the culture needed in our body to see God's kingdom come and stay among us. He said it is elusive, because as soon as we think we have it we become proud of it and it's gone.

How true! The more I try to humble myself, the worse I get--more jealous, more competitive, more prideful, more self-pitying, more antagonistic against people when I should be against evil and for people.... My sin is so pervasive that it is wrapped in the very fiber of my being.

But something else is wrapped in the very fiber of my being since I received Jesus, and that something is grace. I was saved by grace (all I could do was receive it as a gift--that's why the song is called Amazing Grace), and I live by grace. Grace is what teaches my heart to fear and honor God and also teaches me not to fear man. Grace teaches me how to focus on God and what He is doing instead of on myself. I still have a lot to learn in this department, and the only way it works is through a moment by moment receiving of imparted grace.

Why do I prefer morality to grace so often? Morality is me improving myself--then I would earn my way to grace and the goodness of God. But the Bible (and my experience if I'll be honest) tells me I can't even obey without grace. Grace is the only thing that can ever keep me out of religion--away from rules that look good and Christian and separate me from people, because by following them that makes me automatically "better" than others.

In our Sunday morning Bible class, we are studying Habakkuk, which is one of the smallest Old Testament books--only three chapters. In Habakkuk, one of the things the Lord does is talk of the evil doings of the nation He is going to use to discipline Israel's sin. He says they are arrogant, that they have stolen the riches of other nations to build their own, and that they have enslaved the people of these nations to do the building for them. He also speaks of their idolatry. To do this kind of evil, the root seems to be pride. They think they are able to define their own gods rather than look to the one true God. They also think they can use things that are not theirs and can abuse people. Pride allowed them to see God, "things" and other people incorrectly.

Pride is also what allows me to have a wrong image of God, people and things that aren't mine. In different ways I use God, and abuse people and things. My sin looks different than that of others, but it's got the same character.

I think my pastor is right. He says that humility is achieved only as a byproduct of understanding, believing and marveling in the grace of God. and that the only way for things to get better is for us to preach the grace of God till humility just starts to grow in us. As we receive God's grace, we won't be able to do anything but share it. I wrote a poem for Christmas one year that goes along with this. I pray God bless it to you in Jesus' name.

God's Reflection(s)

Barbara A. Irwin

Love came down to earth one time

In a stable filled with grime.

God's own Son was born one day

The Father's heart to portray

To self-willed humanity

Steeped in its own vanity.

Jesus, fashioned as a man,

Grew into His Father's plan.

Starting as a baby boy,

He filled Father's heart with joy.

Though God, He learned to obey

Father's will throughout each day.

Grown to perfect adulthood,

Jesus, being Man, understood

About trials, hurt, and testing.

He went through life possessing

Love for God's Word, will, and way;

His commitment did not stray.

Jesus' life was a reflection

Of God's love to perfection.

Father's heart He did express

As He helped those in distress.

He was never far away

From hurt people in dismay.

Yes, He cared for those in need,

But there were some He'd not heed.

These thought they had much wisdom,

Which they held to, causing schism.

(Some are found today in church;

They challenge things of much worth.)

To the end, Jesus was true.

He met needs while others stewed.

Though some resisted to the last,

He went to the cross, steadfast,

Resolved to die for man's sin

So man's new life could begin.

The third day saw Jesus rise

Into heaven through the skies.

Now He prays for us from there,

Wants all to know He does care

About them just as before, and

Wants to come in their heart's door.

Once inside someone there's change;

Jesus wants to rearrange

One's priorities in life.

Out go selfishness and strife,

If that one lets Jesus do

Everything that He wants to.

Then that one reflects God's grace;

You'll see God's love on his face.

He will meet another's need,

For others with Father plead.

God's mirror will be looked upon;

Again God's life is passed on.

We're designed specially to be

Reflectors of our God's glory.

Grace, life, and love are from Him--

He's got a plan to bring in

His Kingdom-- our ways are through!

Now we reflect our God's view.

Thank you Part 2

2009-12-01T10:45:00.001-05:00

I have been thinking about the stroke experience and have a few more things to add. Right from the very beginning God had help lined up for me. We didn't know help would be needed, but God did. Beside the fact that God has many times healed me directly without human help, I have always had a tremendous fear of all things medical, including doctors and hospitals. That first day of the stroke, my guys spent the day with me (and most days in the hospital). But I was afraid to be alone in the hospital overnight. I have a friend named Kim who was out of work at the time, and she spent the next few nights in my hospital room. (The one night she couldn't someone else could.) What a help and comfort that was.

Then later when I was at a friend's home for six weeks, Kim was able to spend a week with me while they went on vacation. She was excellent at compassion and caregiving and helped me with speech and walking some. Those areas were very helpful, and without this things would have been much harder.

I also had visitors--my mom and her friend would come, and my sis and her husband, my then pastor, his wife, and others. Also when I got into my new apartment, some people helped by sending premade meals. All of these things were on top of the things mentioned in the last article, and there were other things I'm sure I forgot to mention.

I am so thankful. Concerning relationships, whatever we know how to do can be a blessing to someone. Even the people who only visited or called once were a real blessing. They helped me know I was loved. Nothing we do for others from our heart is too little or unimportant, and if we do those things we are prompted to do, we are filling an important spot. When God orchestrates what He calls us to do, needs are comprehensively met and bring Him glory and show His love.

Let's do what God prompts, no matter how little or big it seems to us, and we will see how He weaves it into His plan in the days to come.

Thank you

2009-11-28T09:50:00.001-05:00

I just heard a podcast that was speaking in part once again about the church being people and not a building, and I was thinking of the many things the individuals in the Body of Christ have done for me in the past three years (I could go farther back than that, but...). I'll just recap a few...

Darby and Brandy were led to give me their used car instead of selling it. That was a real blessing, and about a month after I received it I was using it to carpool with a Christian friend to a new job (June 2007). The job was also a provision through a brother, Ron in the body of Christ.

A year later at the end of July 2008 I had the stroke. After, Scott and Dawna, friends who were in transition as far as "church" goes, took me into their home for six weeks so I could start recovering. Then my son Jonathan (also a brother in Christ) took me in for a time. Last October, he and his two brothers (also Christians) moved me close to where the other two of the three of them live. They have been there to take me to speech therapy and doctor appointments. They have also seen that I get out, and Micah has also put his name on my bank account and is still helping big-time.

There is also Brenda, who has been getting together with me regularly--even when I've felt I have nothing to give. She is continuing to encourage me that I can still improve while she receives me where I am right now, has been giving me flowers through the summer and fall, has taken me to Nashville, IN, this summer and to Christmas at the Zoo.... Then there is Kathy who prays with me, has put plastic on my windows for winter, and encourages me about the future, while encouraging me to also receive the present and learn from it (she just loaned me The Shack so I could read it a second time).... I can't forget Mike and Jane and my former church friends in Greenwood who bought me a new wardrobe or the friends who helped by paying toward my heat last winter.... There is Sharon who prays for me, and my new church friends who paid for me to go recently on a women's retreat, and my son's in-laws who say and mean it that I am welcome at all holidays and anytime. Also, there is my counselor (whom I've come to love as a friend--I can't help it that I didn't know of the two year rule, Lori) at church who is helping me get to God and healing on some big emotional issues so I will have less baggage and be ready for my future.

I really thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for what you mean to me, and I want to again say how blessed I am. I have God (I'm still learning that even when I'm being a stinker He loves me), and you all too.

I also want to say that God is wonderful, and being wonderful He also gives us people to love and people to love us. If we are doing that loving in the way we are each specially gifted, we are fulfilling our calling, and our love helps lead others to God and healing in Him. We do it best individually, and as we do we are the church. God brings it together and forms it into His symphony by the Holy Spirit while it is also very individualistic. Church is not a nameless, faceless impersonal entity, but a living breathing organism. Many times we need love from individuals more than love from an organization--we are relational beings, and it is only in relationship that we are made whole.

So, here's to relationship--between us and God, between us as people in God, and between us and the people God wants to bring to Himself and add to His family. God bless you all and may He help us keep acting from His love more and more.

PS There was another comment I really liked by my last post, and I accidentally deleted it when I meant to approve it. Please forgive me and feel free to comment any time anyone.

Judgment vs Examination and Forgiveness

2009-08-06T09:30:00.000-04:00

In my counseling sessions, we are exploring different topics. My counselor asked me to write about the differences between judging myself and others and examining myself. I was also on the subject of forgiveness of self. What came as I wrote may be food for thought, so I thought I'd put it out here. I hope it blesses someone.

Judgment of self and others means coming to a conclusion about motive as well as the act itself. It deals with the person's rightness or wrongness, not just the action. If I judge myself or others, I am saying my whole (or their whole) personhood is tied up in what was done. But because I can't completely know my own or anyone else's motive, my judgment cannot be just. I am consigning myself or someone else to be (in my thinking at least) the person that action by itself would say I am or they are. I am saying change is not possible. The Lord does not want me to do that because I cannot see the whole picture, so that kind of judgment is wrong.

God does, however, want me to examine myself and my actions. He wants me to bring them before His throne and ask Him about why I do such and so. This is so He can help me get to the root of things and allow Him to correct and train me in the way He would have me live. That will bring change to my life and help me walk more like Jesus.

The Lord wants me to be willing to go deep with Him into my why's. I cannot be corrected and trained except superficially without doing so. But to be able to do so, I must be able to forgive myself or I also will not be able to grow. If I hold on in shame to what I discover about me, I will hide it and bury it deeper. Change will not come that way. But if I bring into the light of God's presence, good things can happen. To top it off, He already knows what I'm going to share with Him. He knew it all along and was just waiting for me to discover it.

Self-forgiveness is a hard thing, though. It means I have to give up the idea of judging my own motives and playing I'm God and can decide about me. It means I have to believe deep down that God is good and that He won't condemn me. It means I must believe in His grace, mercy, forgiveness and healing more than I believe in my right to hold on to and hide my sin. It means I must love God more than myself and want to walk with Him more than anything else.

Only God helps me become able to forgive myself. I can't without His grace, but with Him I can if I will to. I can release sin and shame to Him and if I do it goes into His sea of forgetfulness because He already bore it for me at the cross and He doesn't want to torment me with it. He wants me free.

Health Update

2009-07-27T10:30:00.000-04:00

Hi, everybody. In two days it will be a year since I had the stroke. I wanted to give a progress update. It seems I have improved somewhat, though from day to day that can be subjective. I am so glad I can speak, though it is still not easy, and that though I still have no real appetite, I can maintain my weight between 130-135 pounds. I am walking several days a week from a mile and a quarter to a mile and a half or so and lift weights two to three times a week, though by the time I finish either activity I am exhausted. Cooking is still very hard, and though I can do dishes, I don't do well. Laundry is still hard, but possible. I just found out about three weeks ago that I can ride an escalator like I used to without thinking about it, and can shower easily again. Brushing teeth and eating still take concentration, though I think they are taking less concentration than they did for a while. On some days typing is easier than before, though it is not yet simple. Concerning driving, I am still driving to church and short distances from home only.

Concerning my emotional and spiritual health, I am trying to move on. I am in counseling at my church, and that is helping some. I had never dealt with some of the issues raised when my marriage ended, and we've been dealing with that, and I am also dealing with who God made me to be--issues needing consideration to be able to move forward in my life. In addition, I am revisiting another issue that is very important to me, and that is divine supernatural healing. I believe God does it with all my heart and have experienced it quite often, but I am sad that I am not walking in it right now and feel I am letting God down even though that doesn't change His love for me. I think part of the good to come out of this stroke will be some new understandings only God can give me. I am also once again realizing the old adage that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I can't just receive what someone else says. I can (and need to) consider it, but I'm desperate for the Lord to speak to my heart. It seems those are the only things I really have been able to hold onto in my life.--Another thiing-it's very hard to feel close to God with all of this going on, but I want to get there again. I hear His voice in some areas again, but I long for more.

I am still not working--not enough stamina yet, but I am hoping with my walking and weights to build more. I am still going day by day financially, and will see what God does. He has been providing till now, and I'm very thankful.

Well, I guess that's all for now...more later as I know it.

The Intervention of Intercessory Prayer

2009-07-24T10:22:00.009-04:00

I wrote this article on my web page some time ago, and believe it fits us now. I hope it is a blessing.

Intercession is a vital ministry in the body of Christ. I want to discuss its importance in any work God has established. I have learned that a Christian work must operate from a very consistent, solid Holy Spirit-directed base of prayer. That can only be accomplished by having humble people with strong intercessory prayer giftings either in charge or close to the top. If the director is not an intercessor, he or she must understand its importance, that it is not "window dressing," but the very avenue the Lord by His Spirit uses to set the direction and even the atmosphere of the work. These prayer warriors in turn must lead the rest of the workers into prayer that zeroes in on God's heart for the work and the people He sends there. This kind of prayer does not come from our minds, but from actively waiting on the Lord to reveal His strategy.

Why is this kind of prayer so necessary? Using the works I have been involved in at a local Crisis Pregnancy Center and a Christian-based homeless shelter as an example, God's enemy has worked quite hard to get these women and children into a position where he has almost destroyed them, and he has no intention of giving up easily. His purpose is to target the family so that godly children will not be raised up to hold up God's standard, testify to His reality, and help bring others out of their prisons of sin. Many of these women who are pregnant without marriage or hurting from abusive marriages and/or severe drug/alcohol addictions are already familiar with the church and its claims. Yet this familiarity has not impacted them with God's reality as much as it has with the doctrines of the church.

The Bible explains that the letter of the law without the Spirit kills. Doctrines without the life of God only lead to legalism and its fruit of self-righteousness, or rebellion and its fruit of lawlessness. This ungodly fruit from exposure to church delights the enemy. He doesn't mind our talking about the Lord. The only thing he fights with everything he's got is a person's or a work's living the revelation in such a way that the reality of God convicts those who hear. Intercession can break through that "wall of unreality" that causes the Word to be ineffectual. This allows the Holy Spirit to minister the living Truth of God that is Jesus and the revelation of God's Word through the convicting power of the Holy Spirit in a life-giving way that can transform those who are willing to hear with their hearts.

Intercession can also keep the enemy from defeating the workers. Oftentimes the workers are attacked both by external circumstances and divisiveness to prevent the demonstration of the reality of the gospel. Only Spirit-led intercession can cut through these attacks. Only consistent, honest, in-depth intercession can build up the spiritual protection needed to keep a work functioning in such a way that the Holy Spirit can bring lasting fruit that remains.

Another way in which intercession helps a Christian work is to keep God-given methods and understanding (even of God and His ways of working with those we serve) from being applied in the flesh. It is very easy in areas commonly labeled "social work" to apply principles with our minds. I have learned if I do not pray and intercede for each client I deal with that things fall flat. No matter how much "truth" I share, it becomes "dead letter."

I have discovered that even as a Christian I can do "fleshly" social work, and that Christian social work done in the flesh gets fleshly, not godly, results. To help hurting people, I must not try to diagnose the needs myself, but must remember I am constantly dependent on the Lord to discern and minister to the needs of the people. If I minister in my own strength, I also experience "burn out" very quickly. Additionally, I find myself defending "my" authority. If, however, I am prayed up, I find I don't have to keep my distance from the clients to maintain my authority. The authority God wants me to have is given and maintained by the Holy Spirit as it's needed.

It has been my joy to participate where humble Holy Spirit-led intercession is carried out on a consistent basis day in and day out. As each worker regularly practices sincere, in-depth prayer with another worker as she comes on her shift, a fervency for the Lord and a bond of love and genuine caring for the other workers, the work itself, and the clients is built. It becomes so tangible that it is felt. The love and respect grows between workers and the leadership as they bare their hearts before each other and the Lord. As the oil of the Holy Spirit flows through such a workplace, relationships between leadership and staff flow smoothly in a unified direction. This attitude of caring, love, respect, and deep concern is "caught" by the clients because eventually it becomes part of the "atmosphere" of the place, and it allows the Holy Spirit to soften hearts to be receptive to the living seed of the gospel.

God says the prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16). He tells us to pray without ceasing (1Thess 5:17), and by prayer and supplication let our requests be made known to Him (Phil 4:6). In the Bible He speaks of a serious time, and of what is needed to bring His deliverance into situations (this was spoken to Israel, a nation that knew God to the greatest extent of any nation at that point in time): Isa 59:15-18 (TLB) 15Yes, truth is gone, and anyone who tries a better life is soon attacked. The Lord saw all the evil and was displeased to find no steps taken against sin. 16He saw no one was helping you and wondered that no one intervened (KJV: that there was no intercessor). Therefore He Himself stepped in to save you through His mighty power and justice. Intercession, according to the Encarta� World English Dictionary � & (P) 1999 Microsoft Corporation, is defined as 1. interceding: the action of pleading on somebody�s behalf 2. trying to resolve conflict: the action of attempting to settle a dispute 3. prayer or petition: prayer to God ...on behalf of somebody or something.

Intercession, then, according to both the Bible and the dictionary is a form of intervention and mediation between people and sin, and people and God when sin (or danger) is involved. It takes a righteous person who is convinced God hears to stand in the gap between man and sin so that God's purposes can be accomplished. It is more important than any program or methodology we could use, and it alone will bring God and His creative life into the situation. My experience working with people who know the power of intercession has demonstrated its value. It sets all my work into proper perspective as I realize I cannot solve thorny problems with my understanding. It is not only understanding that brings change, but heart transformation, and that is only accomplished by the Lord. I pray the Lord put an urgency within His people, that we would learn His truths of intercession and how to hear His heart so as to be instruments He can use to transform others with His life.

More About Worship

2009-07-15T09:40:00.005-04:00

I have been considering the subject of worship again. To recap the last series on worship, I believe we should worship God with our whole life. Now I would like to touch on worship through music. As I said earlier, worship styles and sounds are being strongly contested in many places, and I believe the Holy Spirit will bring us into unity on these things and give us a new sound as we stay before Him.

For the last few weeks, though as I have thought about worship music, two seemingly contradictory ideas keep coming to mind: inductive reasoning and deductive reasoning. Inductive reasoning starts with specific instances and tries to generalize, while deductive reasoning starts with general truths and tries to prove them with specific instances. How does this apply to worship?

Some people need to start with the general truths about God and His character to bring them to faith concerning what He can and will do for them. They need to focus on His holiness, justice, righteousness, love and faithfulness before they can believe He is willing to help them. Others need to focus on what He has done for specific people in specific situations to bring them to the place of believing that He will help them and also to believing that those qualities exist in God at all times in all places whether they personally see His work in a particular area of their lives yet or not. This is why we need worship and praise about God and His attributes coming from both angles.

There are problems when either of these approaches to God get out of balance. Too much thinking on God's character in general can leave us without a personal faith, because we think He's so holy He doesn't want to bother with helping us in our (we think) mundane lives. On the other hand, when we focus almost exclusively on God's personal care for us, we can lose sight of the bigger picture and reduce Him to our personal problem solver, instead of God of everything who always was, is, and ever will be. He even wants His people to be able from sincere hearts to say that "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" as Job says, and that though everything is wrong in my life, I will rejoice in God as it says in Habakkuk 3:17-19. That ability grows the longer we know and trust Him.

The truth is God is love. He is also holy, righteous, just, true, faithful and many other things through all time and eternity-before human beings existed, now and forever in the future-even when time ends. Even if He had never created us, He would still be those things. It says in His Word that He will never change (Heb 13:8 and Malachi 3:6), and that is why we can trust Him and ask Him to help us. For these

One other issue I need to mention is that of singing about God or singing to God. I may sing that God is or has done all these things, and that is good. That is praise. But I need to at least sing equally to God about who He is-both who He is generally and who He has shown Himself to be in my life. That is worship. If we can incorporate these things rightly in our lives, our worship and praise will be pleasing to God, and it will help us. The more we say and sing the truth, the more we will know it, and the more we know and practice it, the more we will have to say and sing concerning our wonderful God.

Good Feelings or God's Glory? - Part 2

2009-04-30T10:00:00.002-04:00

As I said last time, it is a good thing, but also a sobering thing to see God's glory through His people. It brings with it a real responsibility. This time, I want to discuss what happens when a group of people seek God for the purpose of knowing Him and showing His glory.

I've been reading a book about the subject by John Bevere entitled The Fear of the Lord:Discover the Key to Intimately Knowing God. He says, and I agree, that when we seek to know Him as a group and as individuals, He will come and show His glory to and through us. But He also says when that happens things get more serious.

Before we can talk about the results of God showing His glory, we need to talk about order. When God first made man in the garden of Eden, He made them male and female. They were the crown of His creation. All other creatures were given coverings, but man and woman were covered with God's glory so they didn't need any covering at first. God made order in creation, then brought His glory. When Adam and Eve sinned, however what was the first thing that happened? God's glory departed and they knew they were naked and tried to make their own coverings. God would have none of that though, and He made them coverings that foreshadowed the cross.

In Jesus, God made people right with Himself again and if we receive Him we are given power to become sons and daughters of God. We become the temple of the Holy Spirit. That is what brings His glory to us, because He came to remind us of all Jesus wants us to know. As we seek Him and grow, God's glory begins to shine in our lives.

Now we're ready to discuss what happens when a group of people, the Body of Christ, show God's glory. Let's go to the book of Acts. The church began to grow by leaps and bounds, but when God's glory came, those who showed disrespect, this time by lying were immediately judged (see Acts 5:1-11). Scripture says they lied not to men, but to the Holy Spirit. A group of people cannot live close to God's glory and just do what they want. It is one thing to know of God, but when He is among us in His glory, what will keep us safe is the love of God with the fear of the Lord.

The fear of the Lord is not the same thing as being afraid of God. Fear of the Lord means respect for God and His ways, and wanting to please Him in everything. We will still be human and sin at times, but we will not want to or like it that we do. The Bible says fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Ps 111:10) and knowledge (Proverbs). It says His secret is with those who fear Him (Ps 25:14), and that He has laid up great goodness for those who fear Him (Ps 31:19).

There is much more to be said about this subject, but this is a start. I believe God is working to get us ready as the Body of Christ not just as individuals to show forth His glory, and in doing so He wants us walking in both love and fear of the Lord so we will not be destroyed by seeing that glory. I pray God plant the truths about the fear of the Lord deep within our hearts so we can show His glory to a world that desperately needs it.

Good Feelings or God's Glory? - Part 1

2009-04-29T11:45:00.002-04:00

I am so glad I have been able to soak in Father's love as of late. That is what makes it possible for me to come boldly before Him again. But I have to do more than soak in His love. If I don't want more from Him than to feel better about life and myself I am not seeing Him clearly. As I continue to know Him better, I will feel better, but if that is my main goal I am missing it.

I have to do what Hos 6:3 (NKJV) says: Let us know, let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, like the latter and former rain to the earth. He redeemed me as part of a people He has made to show forth who He is. It is my job to let Him make me more like Himself every day, and for that to happen, I need to seek to know Him. I cannot change myself into who He wants me to be, but I need to allow Him to do that in me.

On Sunday morning right now we are having a before-service class on John 17. One of the things we are trying to understand is God's glory. It is very important to understand what that means, in part because of Rom 8:29-30. The NLT says, 29 For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to Him. And having called them, He gave them right standing with Himself. And having given them right standing, He gave them His glory.

I am meant, once I come into right-standing with God through Jesus to be the same kind of person He was so others will know Him. If I just tell others about Him that does not show His glory, but if I live in His ways from my heart, that does show who He is, or show His glory. I can only do that by knowing Him, and that only comes as I seek Him.

The good thing is that He says if I do seek to know Him, He will come. When the body of Christ seeks Him as the Body and not just as individuals, He says He will fill us with His glory. That is a very good and a very sobering thing. I want to be like Him as much as possible personally, but I also want to see us like Him as the Body. The next time I will talk more about that. In the meantime, God bless you as you seek to know Him even more.

2009-04-29T10:01:00.000-04:00

Let Us Pray

2009-04-10T10:30:00.002-04:00

Since January, our pastor has taught at least five messages on prayer. This is a very important subject. Corporate prayer is a vital part of our lives. If we don't do it we will pay the cost, and there is a cost. We will end up at best with lackluster programs that have form but no life. At worst, we will see works that could have grown strong dissolve. I have seen both happen.

Today prayer in churches often consists of an email prayer chain and maybe a small women's prayer group. That is important, but it isn't enough if we want God to move in power in our midst. Corporate prayer can grow both in content and numbers, but only if it is started. God doesn't expect it to be full-grown at the beginning, but it will never get there if churches don't start somewhere.

To be honest, I am having a hard time writing this, because it is very hard since the stroke for me to speak, much less pray out loud. But I still need to write the truth, and I believe God will help me grow back into it in His time. I also believe He will help any work, whether it be church or outreach get there if it wants to. I would like to trust Him with that possibilty this year. He is faithful--are we?

Church Alive!

2009-04-06T11:00:00.005-04:00

As I've looked over my past work I have realized something. The church I started going to this winter really does what I write about in my articles about the body of Christ. They have the right attitudes, are listening to God, learning how to study the Bible, working on getting healed and being more and more a community of faith. They have outreaches to the poor and are serious about God.

I thought that would make us ready for what is ahead. It is making us ready, but it doesn't look like I envisioned it would. That's okay--we still have a little more work to go. But I don't think it will ever look like I think it will. God always has something different and deeper in mind than I do, and if it goes according to His plan as opposed to mine, it will be great.

Now not everyone in this church is in the same place spiritually. That's true in all churches. If we were all at the same maturity level, it wouldn't be good. We will be at different places of growth. But we all need to be growing. Right now we are being challenged not to come to church if we don't enjoy it--we shouldn't come out of duty. We are also being challenged to come early enough to get in on the beginning of worship because God deserves our all. It has also been suggested that our worship start before we come so we are ready to present ourselves corporately before our God. God is raising the bar, and what He is saying can be done by people at different levels of maturity.

My entrance into things at this church is from a different angle. I can only participate so much since I can't sing well since the stroke and I haven't been able to talk much. But even in my condition I've found the worship really helps me draw nearer to God and I am beginning to be able to open slowly back up to Him. I am finding my hands raise a little higher each meeting, especially since a friend told me God really had missed my worship. I also just started going to a before church Bible study yesterday. It really surprised me because of its depth--and the desire for it to remain very practical. Also I've started getting some healing for things God has shown me during this stroke--things that were there before, but that I was busy enough to ignore.

Their desire at this church is for people to participate in worship, service, community or any aspect of things because they want to. They do not believe in abusing the people who come. I believe God will honor this kind of church and that the rest of what is needed will be added unto us as we keep looking at Him.

I pray Father, that this church keep growing according to your plan, and that we become all that You want us to be. I also pray for those who aren't in a church with these characteristics and want to be that You help them find one. I love you, Lord. In Jesus' name and for His sake I pray. Amen

Reviewing the Past

2009-03-26T11:30:00.001-04:00

Today I want to talk about the past. One way I'll get to the future is by looking at where I've been. I have been rereading my blog articles lately, and know that where I am today is partly seen in what I've been writing about. I am being tested as to whether I believe what I feel God inspired me to write.

I found myself saying a loud resounding "yes" to these articles again. After all, they are as much for me as for anyone else. I do believe the right kind of wasted worship is the only way for me to go. I do believe what I said in the articles on God saying, "I Will Build My Church." I believe the things I wrote in "Hearing God's Voice--What's Stopping Me?" and all the other articles. Even the articles that I don't believe were specifically inspired I believe.

That is integrity. If I didn't still believe these things, I would need to remove them. Now though, I need to see how they apply after the stroke. I have also written some other things on a web page, things I need to go over. I wrote about an auto accident in 1983 and how it affected my life. I needed to go back there because it speaks of what I can learn during severe physical trials. You can find it at http://www.geocities.com/skywatch5/1983mystory.html if you want to read it. Just copy the address and paste it in the window and go. That and some poems are found in the section called "Suffering's Challenge." It also helped me to go to the poems and read "Wonderings" and "Learning to Yield."

The other night in the middle of the night, God was there when I woke up. I've been thinking a lot about my future in the last couple weeks especially. I feel like He just showed me an attitude that needs to change. He showed me how I thought about something that I have always gotten around through ignoring it. Now I'm hearing Him say I have to get to the bottom of it. It's time to confess and forsake it. I'm hearing that as I do, my future can be better than my past.

As I look ahead, I am also being told to look at my giftings and ask how they can be used to best advantage. You see, another thing I believe is that work-wise we should do what we were made for. I have not been doing that. I have been working where I have because that's what God gave me to do for those seasons, but I feel now is the time to really examine this area since I can't do much right now. I am asking where God wants to take me and how He wants to get me there.

All of this is one way of saying what a serious crisis can do for and in your life. I know I am going to learn a lot more in the days to come as I keep asking, seeking and knocking. Feel free to come along.

Tests and Trials - Part 2

2009-03-20T13:15:00.000-04:00

The stroke I had last summer has touched many areas of my life. I was so out of it that it took a friend of mine to point this out to me. It has touched my physical health, my emotional health, my financial health and my spiritual health.

As I said last time, I lost my job. I am getting ready to consider what I can be trained to do now. My thoughts were not clear in the beginning, but I am now gaining clarity and can hold my thoughts for a while. However, with my speech still in flux and so much trouble typing, things are hard. (One thing I thought I heard even before the stroke was the Lord saying the enemy was going to try to take my voice. I didn't know that was literal.) Also, learning is not as quick as it was. We will see what happens--and did I mention there seems to be a dearth of jobs right now?

This is also a financial battle for me. When I was working for A Hearing Service and Omega Retirement Plans during the last seven years, I saved as much money as I could. I had never had a chance to save before and now I was doing it. Even though I have a gift for saving, I could only save so much, and couldn't save enough. The hospital wrote off my bill, which I could not have paid, and some of the doctors did as well. Other bills were scaled down. I had thought I was saving for retirement... . I have had to go on disability for now. It started six months after the stroke. I also was able to get on the Healthy Indiana Program which helps when you have no health insurance. (I have never had a job with health insurance.) Right now I need these things, and I am grateful, though I would like to get past this. I really don't want to be tied to the system for healthcare and provision.

I'm having an emotional battle because I feel useless with no quick turnaround in sight. I felt depressed for months, but that has lifted a little as I've started reading counseling books and writing on here and Facebook, and have started praying and listening to God a little more. It helps some when I'm listening even if He isn't talking.

The spiritual battle is to totally yield to God in this situation. It's hard to yield when you are angry and have many questions. Another part of my spiritual battle involves some things I said yes to the Lord about a year ago January. It seems that those things have completely evaporated. I wonder what my future holds, what I can do for the next stage of my life. I believe God still has something for me or I wouldn't be thinking He might but it's a challenge just waiting.

I am working on what it means to trust God again when I have nothing I am doing for Him or for myself. I don't feel very capable right now, but He says His love is not based on my worthiness. I am getting another lesson in being loved by my Father, and will let you know more as I learn.

Tests and Trials - Part 1

2009-03-12T15:00:00.006-04:00

Hi, everyone. It has been over a year since I have written, though several things are in draft form. I had thought to write more, but life has a way of intruding. I got in touch with a group of people from the past last spring, and talked with them for a few months. That took all my energy and didn't turn out as I'd hoped. It was worth trying, however.

Then I went from the frying pan into the fire. On July 29, 2008, five days after my 57th birthday, I had a stroke. It was in the top left side of the brain, and because it was in a somewhat unusual place some of the things I'm having to recover from are unusual also.

At first I was emotionally numb, and then I got very angry at God. This wasn't supposed to happen. One of the fears I've had for some time was that since I was divorced in December 2004, I wondered what would happen to me if I was alone and something happened. I kept fighting the fear, but it still stayed. Well I was alone and something did happen, yet I survived. I was in the hospital for five days, then went to the home of some friends who used to go to the church I went to. I stayed with them for six weeks--long enough to get stabilized and to start dealing with the high blood pressure I'd been trying to deal with naturally for years and diabetes I also learned of in the hospital. (Diabetes is now being totally controlled by diet.) I was there also long enough to begin to deal with the stroke's effects.

I didn't know it can take up to two years for a person to recover as much as possible from a stroke. It has been almost seven and a half months now. For all this time I have been working to go from not being able to speak to where my speech therapist says I have "voicing" with the proper pitch for my voice 65% of the time. At times I still speak in a whispery, hoarse voice. When I do speak, my words are usually very clear, however I speak. As far as singing goes, I never had a great voice, but it is much worse now.

Other areas I'm dealing with include typing and driving. My fingers on my right hand don't want to cooperate, and it takes me a long time to type. In my speech and typing the word being used is aphasia. Driving is also hard. My eyes are more sensitive to light (need sunglasses most of the time) and I have another challenge as well--being mindful of what's happening all around me. I'm working on that one also.

All of this means that though I score high enough on intelligence, I can't work right now. The lady who did my job before I did came back from August through mid-December. I couldn't remember in November how to do my job. The owner very kindly kept my job that long for me, but when I couldn't relearn it fast enough, someone else had to be hired.

This means I spend many quiet days at home. I read. For a time all I read was Christian fiction. I watch some movies. Some friends come over and take me out as they can. More often now I pray and try to listen to God. It gets easier as I get less angry. I just started reading books like Competent Christian Counseling by Tim Cllnton--a 700-some page book I've been wanting to read for a long time. Now I'm on Crisis and Trauma Counseling by Norman Wright.

In October, two of my children moved me into their apartment complex so it would be easier for them to help me with rides to the dr, the grocery, etc. This meant changing churches. It's a challenge getting to know people in church (or in the apartments) when it is hard to talk. But I like the worship here--it has been helping me get closer to God again.

There is more to share about the effects this is having on my life, but not today. Talk to you all later.

God is Calling Us...

2008-02-16T10:46:00.005-05:00

This is the note before the article. Yes, I am still working on my series, Relationships: By the Book Part 3 (NT2), but all my writing came to an abrupt halt as the thoughts below began to fill my mind. So I needed to "follow my nose" or the "wind of the Spirit" and go in this direction first. I pray God bless this to you, and I encourage you to feel free to comment. –

Why do I encourage you to comment here and on any article? I believe that dialogue in the Body of Christ, sharing our struggles and thoughts and questions and respectfully and prayerfully listening to one another can help us grow more quickly. ... Is anyone up for an adventure to find out? (You could even comment on other comments so long as it's done with respect and the intent to learn and grow...).

God is calling us, but what is He calling us to? As I listen to His heartbeat, I hear a message that is "coming back around” in the church. I first heard it some 30 years ago...and I agreed and said, "Yes, Lord." But what I didn't know was that in my "yes" so long ago, I was inviting my loving Father God to show me I was incapable of doing it in a way that pleased Him till He changed me.

These many years later, I am hearing the call again. In fact, I was reading a Christian website a couple years ago, and the input by various people said ahead of time that God was going to bring the message back. Now mind you, I am not sorry for this message or for my continued "yes," but do you know what my response was when I first heard it was coming back? Spiritual person that I am, my first response was, "Oh, no!" (Yes, I know--when I shared that with my pastor, who is being led to share the message on a continuing basis with our church now, he was as surprised at my reaction as you probably are.) The truth is that message brought much turmoil into the Body of Christ. (In the years since I heard it the first time, I learned that what I thought had been a local phenomenon had been preached in places all over the country--just as is happening now. The turmoil from the message was also nearly identical in any place I know of where the message had been proclaimed.)

What caused the turmoil? I believe we (logically) thought we could actually do what God was asking. I believe even ministry thought it could produce (or felt it was their responsibility to produce) the fruit of that word in the Body. But, as I've learned in the ensuing years, and as I wrote to a minister recently, "Ministry is called to preach its way into a corner that it cannot get out of except God Himself fulfill the Word He had you preach." Likewise, for us to think we can live the things God is speaking is unrealistic. Why? Because we have been so tainted by "sin's paintbrush" from the fall right on into today that on our own we cannot think or perceive or do anything the way God intends.

That is why it is so very important that we listen to how God wants us to receive and apply what we are hearing. We must realize we are incapable of applying it in and of ourselves. The principle of us trying to apply what God says is spoken to in Mark 3:23b-24 (just substitute the word "self" or "flesh" for "devil" or "Satan") where Jesus says, "Does it make sense to send a devil to catch a devil, to use Satan to get rid of Satan? A constantly squabbling family disintegrates." (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.) I believe we were even warned about that years ago, but for the most part neither leaders nor people knew how to avoid the traps Satan was laying against that powerful message.

What is God's antidote to this message once again being preached going awry? I believe there are some things in place in the body of Christ today that weren't there years ago, things that will "make the message go right" this time if we take the time to meditate, talk and listen to Father God and learn what they mean instead of merely giving them lip-service. Let me also add that the fact that they were not there 30 years ago was not an oversight on God's part. I believe God has been maturing the Body of Christ as fast as possible, and that we needed to go through the maturing those experiences brought to get us where we are today. The message that will counteract the poison Satan tries to inject to cause the message to twist is the knowledge (let me emphasize - it is not the "head knowledge" but rather the "heart knowledge") of God our Father's love for us. As author S. J. Hill (mentioned below) says (my paraphrase), human beings are wired to long for and respond from the heart to His love.

So what is the "dangerous" God-inspired message that was spoken some 30 years ago and is now being proclaimed again? The message is that of "surrender to Christ," or "dying or death to self." It is probably also called other things like "total consecration or sanctification" depending on where you hear it.

Surrender of our lives must begin with surrender of our hearts. It cannot be done rightly from mental assent or "in the flesh." It can only be done as we intimately experience Father's love for us. Once that is firmly established in our lives as a reality, then our love for God is a response to and a reflection of His love for us. That is the climate in which our surrender must be given.

That climate will also cause us to understand the "fellowship of Christ's sufferings" (Phil 3:10) correctly. For too many years, I thought that meant merely "dying to self," or surrendering my wants and desires. That is part of it, but if that is all it entails, it leaves a void that can too readily be filled the wrong way, with self-righteous pride and a judgmental attitude among other things. If we stop there, we are left with religion.

In our body, we are just finishing a serious 21-day "fast as you are led." We set up a blog for back-and-forth feedback, with regular postings by our pastor and room for our comments. Here's what I was meditating on and led to share regarding "the fellowship of [Christ's] sufferings"—I generally have understood that to mean [firstly] the issue of dying to self and [secondly] the pain Jesus felt on earth among an unholy people [because He was so enamored of His Father and His ways, but]... the Lord is bringing me face to face with something even deeper. The fellowship of His sufferings was not only His own pains that He experienced in following God, but also the pain of sinful humanity’s sufferings.

In other words, the other very real suffering Jesus experienced was in His being willing to be Emmanuel, God-with-us enough to feel our brokenness. That is quite different from the "death to self" we experience. It is having that issue settled and being willing to take on with the Lord the pains of those others who are not reconciled with Him... . It is only as I [pass through the first two realms-of dying to self and becoming very disquieted with sin because of my closeness to Father God and] become willing to bear the pains of separated humanity with Jesus (not for Him), that [I] will demonstrate His character and the authenticity of the message of the good news…because as He is so are we in this world (I Jn 4:17).

Friends, the only way we will navigate these waters successfully is as we "die to self" and "wholly surrender" out of responding to our Bridegroom's wooing. That is the only way our surrender won't turn into a sinful (yes, I said sinful) legalistic, religious exercise that is dry as toast and self-righteous to boot. That kind of surrender is not only damaging to us, but to those who encounter us. That kind of surrender takes both us and others further away from God. God, in calling for our surrender, is not wanting self-martyrdom--that is what false religions birth. We serve a living God who is not calling us to dry doctrine so that we end up like the Pharisees Jesus rebuked, but to heartfelt, living surrender that will result in His very life being lived through us.

Are we willing, as the Body of Christ to learn of our Father's love for us? Are we willing to get before Him and beg Him to teach us what we don't know and haven't experienced on a day-to-day basis even if we've been saved? Our love will not cut it. It was marred by the fall and continued sin; our love continues to keep us from knowing God’s love which is unconditional.

Today God is doing something precious. He is revealing His love for His bride, the Body of Christ. Let's take a look at some things He's sharing with us through leaders and others who have been walking with God through thick and thin for years. The following is just a sampling:

"It takes God to love God. It takes God to pursue God." That is from page 8 paragraph 5 (and it is expounded on page 122, paragraph 1) of S.J. Hill's book, Enjoying God: Experiencing Intimacy with the Heavenly Father (available among other places through Amazon.com). We love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19b). The author makes the point that there is certainly a place to pursue God with passion, but we must never forget (or stop coming to know and experience on an ever-deepening level) the love God has for us that elicits our response of love to Him. –There are treasures here that will help us, friends.

Then there's Kay Warren's (Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in CA is her husband) Dangerous Surrender: What Happens When You Say Yes to God. It was a very good, convicting book about why we totally surrender to God. In it, Kay shares the process God took her through (and her very honest reactions and responses in working through the process) to bring her to that third aspect of the fellowship of Christ's sufferings.

Another helpful book is Voices of the Faithful: Inspiring Stories of Courage from Christians Serving Around the World "with Beth Moore and friends who put their lives on the line for God." It is a book of 366 one-page "get real" devotions written by missionaries around the world. It again takes me back to the real meaning of surrender, the struggle with it even when we’ve received Father’s love for us, and the why of it.

For help in letting God grow us, my pastor found a gem: Anonymous, by Alicia Britt Chole, a former atheist--it is a small book with big concepts. It is not self-help or positive thinking, but what God can do in us during, and how He works with us in our winter seasons (or as some say, the “dark night of the soul”).

These are just a few of the materials out there that God is using to bring us further in real Christianity so we don't fall prey to the traps of religion. Are we willing to start or continue or pick up where we left off in the journey? Remember, the mercies of God are new every morning. Can you hear? God is calling us...

Relationships: By the Book - Part 2 (NT1)

2008-02-04T22:21:00.001-05:00

In part one (OT) of Relationships: By the Book we took a very quick survey of God’s rocky relationship with His creatures. Actually, God didn’t have the hot/cold, on-again, off-again relationship—sin warped us and we went from being God-centered and considering others to being self-centered! From then on, for the most part, our mentality toward God became, “I’ll follow You as long as You do what I want,” or “I’ll obey and serve You as long as I can see the payoff.” Meanwhile, our mentality toward others became, as Cain said when God asked the whereabouts of his brother Abel, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

Giving in to sin, we exchanged unconditional love—enjoying God and His creatures without any strings attached—for dysfunctional, manipulative, conditional love. In that exchange we also lost truth, trust which has its basis in truth, and openness. As the curtain closes on the Old Testament, God’s people had moved from rejection to giving Him “lip service”—outward obedience and inward rebellion. This resulted in pride, self-righteousness, and a legalistic “system” of religion, which took them even further away from real relationship with Him and each other, because it gave them the deceptive form of godliness while denying the power of right relationship with Him and His creatures.

This is where, after a 400 year silence from Malachi to Matthew, we see Jesus appear on the world’s stage. Creator and Father God could have given up on us; He could have destroyed us and started over. But instead, the Bible tells us (John 3:16) Father God still loved us unconditionally, so into this mess He sent Jesus, His very best—His very own Son who chose to come and leave the privileges of being God behind. While Jesus still was God by virtue of virgin birth, He became fully man, sinless man, but man who had to learn just as we do (Heb 2:10 & 5:8). He was born into that nation God started in Genesis with Abraham. He was the One God had intended from the very beginning Who would “make things right.”

Because He was the reconciler, the One to bring real, lasting peace (as opposed to peace at any price) between God and man and man and man (Mt 22:37-39), and because His life, death and resurrection ushered in the concept of the Body of Christ (Eph 1:3-11, 3:1-11, I Corin 12:12-14, Eph 4:11-16), Jesus was and is all about right relationships. He desires with all His being for us to relate in a healthy manner, first with the Trinity (Father God, Jesus Himself, and the Holy Spirit) and secondly, as a living outgrowth of that fellowship, with one another. Since that is His desire, it is very important to study His time on earth, for He is our example in these (as in all) matters (Jn 13:14-15).

To consider Jesus’ relationships with us humans, we must first look at His relationship with His Father God and the Holy Spirit, for again, it is only out of that vertical relationship that right relationships can happen between us on a horizontal, earthly level. Why? Because, as we saw in part one of Relationships: By the Book, sin immediately severed right relationship between God and us, and from there, sinfully distorted relationships from person to person.

What was Jesus’ relationship on earth like with Father God? Remember, if His pattern of relationships seems strange, it is because we have looked out of a distorted lens our whole lives. He alone knows what right relationships are. His ways are patterns for us. Thinking along those lines, He was always looking to His Father for direction as to what to say and do. Consider John 8:38: I speak what I have seen with My Father… NKJV, or as it says in The Message, I'm talking about things I have seen while keeping company with the Father - THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved and John 15:15 …all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. NKJV

What did Jesus do that caused Him to be in such close relationship with Father God? Matt 14:23 says, With the crowd dispersed, [Jesus] climbed the mountain so he could be by Himself and pray. He stayed there alone, late into the night. - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved

Matt 26:36-39 Then Jesus went …to a garden called Gethsemane and told His disciples, "Stay here while I go over there and pray." …He plunged into an agonizing sorrow. Then He said, "This sorrow is crushing my life out. Stay here and keep vigil with Me." Going a little ahead, He fell on His face, praying, "My Father, if there is any way, get Me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do You want?" - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved

Jesus prayed. He got alone with God whenever He needed to, and spoke plainly what was on His heart. Being honest with His feelings, He nonetheless chose to follow God, regardless of the cost to Himself. As the verses above indicate, He also listened. He “kept company” with His Father (Jn 8:38 The Message-above); this was not a religious exercise—this was a real connection born from a real relationship. When He heard, He went out and obeyed, then came back to His Father for more prayer and “grace to help in time of need.”

What was Jesus’ relationship with the Holy Spirit? His earthly life started with the Holy Spirit planting Him in Mary’s womb. The Bible says in Matt 1:20 ...Mary's pregnancy [Jesus] is Spirit-conceived. God's Holy Spirit has made her pregnant. - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved

When Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist, it says in Luke 3:22, the Holy Spirit, like a dove descending, came down on Him. And along with the Spirit, a voice: "You are My Son, chosen and marked by My love, pride of My life." - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved

Right after this, it says in Luke 4:1-2: Now Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wild. For forty wilderness days and nights He was tested… - from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved

This One who had a real connection with His Father, who prayed, who listened, who obeyed was empowered and enabled to obey by the Holy Spirit. Jesus was led by the Spirit into testing; He was led by the Spirit into and in His ministry—and He was led by the Spirit into and through the crucifixion. Jesus knew the other member of the Trinity intimately. In the book of Acts are many references to what part the Holy Spirit plays in our lives—Jesus knew Him intimately and relied on Him constantly. He did the same things for Jesus it says He will do for us.

The only way Jesus could have represented the heart of God powerfully enough both in word and deed to get past sinful man’s distortion of the God-breathed written Word was to seek the fellowship and direction of Father God and the Holy Spirit. Without that fellowship, since He left His God-privileges when He came to earth in bodily form, He would not have been able to live His life as the Father intended—as man’s “bridge” back to God. He wouldn’t have been able to preach Mt 5-7, the Sermon on the Mount, because that took delving deep into areas of men’s hearts. That sermon had the same power to divide soul from spirit and get to the thoughts and intents of the heart that Heb. 4:12-13 says the God-breathed, God-inspired written Word has. Both the written word and Jesus’ message were authored by the Holy Spirit.

There is more to say about our Lord and Master in the way of relationships, and that will be left for part 3 of Relationships: By the Book (NT2).

Relationships: By the Book - Part 1 (OT)

2008-01-19T08:16:00.003-05:00

Because God is emphasizing relationships in the Body of Christ as a means to help us grow and change into His likeness, it is very important to know in even more detail what healthy relationships look like. (For more on the subject, see the series on worship that discusses proper relationship with God, and the articles on God building His church regarding the importance of right relationships with one another.) As an effort to explore this topic further, I am beginning a series on relationships, the first subject being an overview of relationships in the Bible (called By the Book). It amazes me that in the midst of a society (or world) with very unhealthy relationships--sometimes "just" co-dependent relationships, sometimes abusive relationships, and the whole spectrum in between--He chooses to redeem us from that milieu and say, "Now I want you to learn to play well together." Not only that, He uses something that can be a means of very real damage and destruction, turns it on its ear (or inside out) and says, "Folks, this can be redemptive; after all, I was the Author of relationships--just follow Me" (while to the world who hasn’t received Him He says, "Just watch!").

So how does God take relationships, which are so frequently unhealthy at best and destructive at worst and turn them inside out, making them part of His redemptive plan? Let’s go to the Book He left as His record and guide to examine a birds-eye-view of the history of relationships, and where God wants to take them. In our search, let's look at first things first. To do that, we must begin with the Old Testament, since that's where God began. In there is a book (Proverbs) with very practical “get along” principles. There was also the law—which began to give pictures through ritual and traditions and types (the wilderness tabernacle and its furnishings, the different offerings, and the laws, statutes and ordinances of Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers) of what kind of God we serve, and what kind of people we are. He was explicit about the fact that we all are “marred pottery” and “damaged goods,” but that we can be reclaimed.

Then there are stories of God’s relationships with people, His creation, before Jesus. Genesis tells of man’s fall into sin, and the struggles that resulted in relationships between God and us and between us humans. We see right away the hiding from God and one another, the denial of responsibility, and futher, the distortion of husband/wife relationships prophesied by God in Genesis 3 as being a consequence of sin, but not the pattern He originally intended for those relationships. Soon after follows the first murder and disavowal of responsibility for it and the murderer's sin in the relationship that prompted the murder (Gen 4:1-10). However, Genesis 3:14-15 is the first intimation that it will take a Person God sends to make this right…but there were “in the meantime” provisions even before the Law. God pulled a man/family out from relationship to a pagan nation to make a “new nation” to be in relationship with Himself, and demonstrate Himself through. He molded and trained them, and in doing so, began to reveal His ways-in-action as well as law.

In Deuteronomy and Joshua we see this nation stumbling and falling, but by God’s grace getting up again, learning more about relationship with this holy God and each other (see Joshua 6:15-21, 7:1-23) all the while. Judges tells us a historical story about what happened when this nation wanted nothing to do with a relationship with the God Who called them. It is a story of what happened when they “did what was right in their own eyes” making no pretense of following God—things got even more twisted and broken.

In the books of Samuel, Kings and Chronicles, we see what happened when the people chose not to be led directly by relationship with God but wanted a king. He gave them what they desired, but Saul was a co-dependent/unhealthy ruler at best. We see the results of that, then the results of David, the first godly ruler in the generational line that would produce Jesus. Continuing after David was his son Solomon. Israel rose to her greatest heights at this time. Her temple was finally built; even the rulers of the day came to hear and see the wonders of Israel and her ruler. But sin and trusting other-than-God were still at the heart of the nation. Solomon brought idolatry (relating to false gods) into Israel by marrying foreign wives who believed in false gods and propagated those beliefs throughout Israel.

Reading on, we see continued refusal of relationship and disobedience of leaders and people which led to captivity in Babylon, even after repeated warnings by prophets God sent... . It was interesting that as soon as the discipline happened, the prophets spoke encouraging words to the people about seeking [relationship with] God and seeking the welfare of the place where they were taken captive, giving hope through the promise of future restoration.

After 70 years was up (see the book of Daniel) it was time to seek God for the time of prophesied restoration. Even after captivity and during the process of restoration, (Ezra chapters 7-10), people were still refusing right relationship with Him by going against God's direction. After the captivity, people got smarter (or more devious)—they gave “lip service” to God, instead of out and out rebelling. Their thinking was to give Him what He wanted without giving their hearts. That is impossible, for a God Who wants relationship knows if they refuse to give their hearts, anything else they do is a sham. This resulted in self-righteousness and pride, and so we learn that law without heart or relationship is legalism. It turns on us and makes everything cold, twisted and distorted.

This is the context in which the Old Testament closes. Four hundred years later, the curtain again rises--on the New Testament dealings of God-with-us. In His continued dealings with His creation, we see that He will go to any lengths to bring His errant creation back into right relationship with Himself (which will also yield the possibility of right relationships between people). That is where we will pick up in part two of Relationships: By the Book.

"I Will Build My Church" - Part 3

2008-01-18T13:30:00.001-05:00

Note: I find it interesting that I started this article as a draft in March of last year. But it wasn't time for it to be finished. Through the months I have watched God begin to work on this area in a deeper way than ever before--both in my life and in the lives of others around me. I am watching with awe as God continues to get us ready. For what? I believe He is getting us prepared to walk as a mature church. He's working to build us as "living stones" into a "glorious church without spot or wrinkle." His command, "Let the Bride make herself ready," has gone out. Are we responding?

As this series develops, it seems that it is a group of thoughts like a pre-flight checklist. I know many of us are eager to fly, but we are understandably not eager to crash.—Some of us have crashed before, or else we've seen others crash and we want no part of it. How have we responded to those fears? We have wanted God, even hungered for Him, but at the same time we have kept Him and our brothers and sisters at arm’s length because of pride, unresolved anger or fear.

To allow God to build His church in our midst, we must hear His heart. There is a call going out today for God’s people to become “real.” We have kept Him and others at a distance by “keeping our masks on,” by not letting others in enough to know what’s really going on in our lives—and let’s face it—things are harder than they used to be…or the trials simply have not ended like we think they should have. They are either longer in duration than they "ought to be" (by whose standard, ours or the Bible's??), or they have ended "badly." In other words, God has turned up the heat, and things are not looking pretty.

One school of thought regarding not letting others in is that we need to “keep God from looking bad.” That theory maintains that we are hurting His cause when we are open and honest about some of the trials He allows us to go through. The thinking goes something like, “If I let on how hard this is, how badly I’m hurting, or that I feel trapped or cornered, I make God look like He’s absent or doesn’t care or doesn’t keep His promises.”

The answer to this is that God will go to any lengths to work with His people. He is not at all concerned with His reputation in that area. He can defend Himself. No, He doesn’t want us taking praise for what He does, but neither do we have to defend His actions and dealings with us. As a parent, He can take the heat!

The flip side of making God look bad, is that we don’t want to look bad, and if we are real, that can happen. When I am real, I am not only sharing the hard times I am going through, but I am also risking you seeing how I am responding to those hard times (and let’s face it, sometimes the way I respond stinks!). Adverse circumstances, by their very nature are designed to show up, highlight my weaknesses and flaws so that I will give them to God for Him to work on them. But many times I am too close to myself to see my reactions—all I know in hard times is that I hurt. However, my brothers and sisters in Christ can very easily see my flaws—if I am real. I have to trust they will not judge me but will confront me if I need confronting in love, will encourage me if I need encouraging, and either way will always pray for me.

In adverse circumstances I also see and get tested regarding my attitudes about God. When I don’t understand Him (which is often) and why He allows certain things in my life, instead of drawing closer to receive more of Him, I tend to draw back. I don’t want to acknowledge it, but in my heart I am accusing God of injustice (it’s not fair!) or not caring (if You cared You wouldn’t make me go through this!) or even betrayal (You led me into this situation, You knew how it would turn out, and You didn’t use Your power to stop it!). When I draw back, I don’t want to be near my brothers and sisters in Christ, because I know they will pick up my coldness, fears, and anger. When I am alone and see those things in myself (try as I might not to) I tend to draw still further away from my only hope and help. However, when I refuse that course of isolating myself and confide in the mature friends God has given me, they can pray for me, and help me take my sin to Him. With His help through them, I stop that hot/cold cycle and grow.

Brothers and sisters, God uses trials for many things on the road to maturity. He shows me where (or if) I’m loving Him because He blesses me—and what happens within me when things aren’t going well. When I see where I serve Him for gain, and repent, He strengthens me to say from my heart, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him,” as Job says in good old King James English. He confronts me with my conditional love for Him and calls me deeper, for He wants me with the help of the Holy Spirit to love Him unconditionally. That is the only way I will get where He wants to ultimately take me. The real question is, will I let Him take me through this process? Will I truly yield to the “instruments of death” (Romans 12:1-2) He has ordained for my life to conform me to His image? The ball is in my court…

Bible Study: A Case for Hope

2007-07-28T14:40:00.000-04:00

Friends, as I have been watching and prayerfully listening in the Body of Christ, I have seen something that greatly troubles me. People have been going through some very serious trials. The trials are bigger than we ever thought possible, and some of them are shocking and disheartening because some of us thought as Christians we would avoid such things because we had done our best to follow the Lord both ourselves and with our families. We thought that by following Him we were setting the stage for success, not the trials we are now experiencing. This has tried to erode our confidence in God and His promises as applying to us.

In addition, some of us, depending on the kind of trial are seeing places of past immaturity or other things we have done that have further contributed to what we are going through now. As I pray over this, I am seeing the enemy, Satan, adding to our own thoughts, suggesting that we have no right to God’s promises because we didn’t “follow God correctly.” That’s not what God says.

In view of this, I felt I was to do a study on hope and put it out here on my blog. I pray that as you prayerfully consider the following, the truths of God’s Word strengthen you, encourage you and give you hope.

1 Chron 29:14b-15 14b For all things come from You, And of Your own we have given You.15 For we are aliens and pilgrims before You, As were all our fathers; Our days on earth are as a shadow, and without hope. NKJV

To say v14b about God, and then v15 about ourselves may have been an OT experience, but Jesus has come! Our Savior is here, and knowing Him is to make a difference in our lives! To make it (and even thrive) in these times, we need to continually experience the hope and help of His life, love, and provision.

Ezra 10:2 Shechaniah…spoke up and said to Ezra, "We have trespassed against our God…yet now there is hope in Israel in spite of this. 3 Now therefore, let us make a covenant with our God to put away…” NKJV

The hope we have lies in repenting, or turning to God with our whole being (as opposed to living in guilt and condemnation) and agreeing with Him about what He says our sin is. Oftentimes, and this is very important, what God says our sin is, as well as the remedy He proposes, differs from our view of things. Once we hear His voice, repent and receive His love, grace and forgiveness we can begin acting prayerfully on the actions He guides us into, which will begin to take us back to the path He wants us pursuing. This, according to the Bible, puts us back where hope is alive, because God through Paul says in Rom 8:1 that there is no condemnation to those who walk in Christ Jesus and are led by His Spirit.

Job 6:11 " What strength do I have, that I should hope? NKJV

Our hope is directly proportionate to our strength—they are inextricably tied together. Where does our strength to hope and our reason for hope come from? Nehemiah 8:10 says the joy of the Lord is our strength. What does that mean? His joy is the joy we as His people give Him from our wanting to love and serve Him all the days of our life. His joy is not in a perfectionistic obedience on our part, but in the living, active relationship His actions toward us have made possible. As incomprehensible as it seems, our God takes great joy in us as His people, and our heartfelt repentance and agreement with Him show we are His people.

Now let’s look at the ways in which our confidence is undermined even when we have repented and are listening to and obeying God. The severity of the circumstance can undermine our confidence:

Job 14:18-20 18"But as a mountain falls and crumbles away, And as a rock is moved from its place; 19 As water wears away stones, And as torrents wash away the soil of the earth; So You destroy the hope of man. 20You prevail forever against him, and he passes on; NKJV

Job 19:10-11 10He breaks me down on every side, And I am gone; My hope He has uprooted like a tree. 11He has also kindled His wrath against me, And He counts me as one of His enemies. NKJV

This is the view the enemy wants us to have of God. He wants us to think that God through trials is playing with us and wearing us down, and that He is the destroyer of our hope.

Friends, it is Satan who truly is the enemy.—He’s the enemy of God and the enemy of our souls. The enemy himself works overtime to undermine God. Here the Bible describes the strategy of a future leader who will follow the enemy-note that the slanderous suggestions the enemy brings to our minds and hearts about God is what he inspires his followers to do against God and His people!!

Dan 7:25 He will speak words against the Most High and try to exhaust the holy ones of the Most High. - The Complete Jewish Bible

His strategy is not unlike what we as believers are experiencing today. He first speaks against God’s character, aims and motives. When he gets us considering that, he tries to “wear out” (KJV) or exhaust us with seemingly endless trials. In verse 21, the enemy will “make war against the holy ones” (holy ones are the saints—you and me).

Question: Has war been declared on your family? Your health? Your livelihood? Your marriage? Below is a description of what is really going on in this war from God’s side. This is what Satan wants to prevent—the birth of God’s people into His likeness. Rom 8: 29-30 says

29God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love Him along the same lines as the life of His Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity He restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in Him.- The Message

The following is where we are in the war right now. Thinking again on the subject of hope, note that God subjected everything to futility in hope. Yet also note the statement that it is a fact that creation will be delivered. That fact is not seen yet with the naked eye, but it is first seen through the eyes of God through hope. (Then hope breeds faith. -That’s another study—but I believe it is impossible to have faith without first having hope… . That is why the enemy tries to kill our hope.)

Rom 8:19-20 19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. 23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. 24For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. - NKJV

If we hope, we wait with anticipation and perseverance. God asked me a question once: “What kind of God am I if I can make plans but do not have the power to see those plans to fruition?”

About ten years into the same trial where He spoke to me above, I was saying that it was just too hard and too long. God reminded me in His still, small voice that even the length of trials is in His control (yes, even when man’s free will is involved!) and that if Job had quit on God when he thought his trial should have been over, he would never have experienced the blessings in the end that God poured out

Those things being said, how do we endure in hope (not just always hang on by a thread)? To quote an old hymn: “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness. No merit of my own I claim, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name. On Christ the solid Rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand. His oath, His covenant, His blood, sustain me in the o’erwhelming flood… .” That hymn says it all, friends.

I have to learn to constantly submit the circumstances, the people involved, and myself to the One in Whom I have believed, knowing that He is able to change things (and people, including me) and to keep me from falling. How do I know He is able to keep the things I entrust Him with? I truly know the power of His oath, His covenant and blood. How have I learned this in practice as opposed to in theory, and how do I continue to learn it? By trusting Him and refusing to try to bail myself out.

My faith grows as I wait for Him, seek His strategy and obey Him and watch Him work. Who better to trust? Consider Hebrews 6:13-20a from The Message:

13When God made His promise to Abraham, He backed it to the hilt, putting His own reputation on the line. 14 He said, "I promise that I'll bless you with everything I have — bless and bless and bless!" 15 Abraham stuck it out and got everything that had been promised to him. 16 When people make promises, they guarantee them by appeal to some authority above them so that if there is any question that they'll make good on the promise, the authority will back them up. 17 When God wanted to guarantee His promises, He gave His word, a rock-solid guarantee. - 18 God can't break His word. And because His word cannot change, the promise is likewise unchangeable. We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. 19It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God 20a where Jesus, running on ahead of us, has taken up His permanent post as high priest for us… .

But what do we do when we are looking to Jesus with all of our being and still feel like we are barely able to hold on? God’s Word says God has provided for just such an eventuality. Jesus mentioned in John 14 that He would send the Holy Spirit when He went away, and that this would be to our advantage. He would remind us (in a living, applicable, not religious way) of all the things that Jesus spoke. Jesus also called Him the Comforter. Now in Romans 8:26-27 we see His role in our weakness:

26Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. NKJV

Continuing further, we have God’s promise—He says it cannot fail—He says He’s made sure of that. He says also that since He gave us what we needed most, our Savior Jesus, then He will most certainly give us everything else we need to “make it” in this life with our God (Rom 8:28-32):

28And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. 31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? NKJV

Why did God go to such lengths to give us His Word in these areas? Rom 15:4 NKJV tells us: For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.

Friends, I pray for you what Paul prayed. May the Word fall on good soil and strengthen you. Rom 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. NKJV

Catch Up-New Job, New Car-Life's an Adventure!

2007-07-27T09:52:00.000-04:00

Hi, Everybody. It is now the middle of summer. As you can see, my last post was in mid-March. That was about the time I was entering the whirlwind, which is just now beginning to settle down, I think. By the way, for those who are interested, I think there will be more of the series "I Will Build My Church," but I got diverted for a time. I'm writing this now to let you know (and to remind myself) that I'm still alive and well.

On March 5th, our hearing aid company, A Hearing Service, transferred ownership and became Accurate Hearing Service. It was a move long expected, as the former owner was ready to retire and travel, and didn't want to work all his life (though I'm sure he still finds plenty of things to do that help other people--he's that kind of a person). But as with many buyouts, the transfer came with many changes. The new company has a different emphasis, and, while I was welcome to stay during the transition, I needed to find a new job.

I was going to be 56 (I just turned so this past week), and that didn't bode too well for my job hunt. -- But God... - What, you say, does that have to do with anything? --I am so glad He does have to do with many things--in my job and in my life. For I believe He has helped me navigate through this time. First, as I prayed, I "heard" (still, small, inaudible but still loud voice) one thing: that I was to "Finish well." That meant I worked in the same place while learning lots of new computer things, etc. Meanwhile, other people who were praying for me "heard" things too. They (more than one person, and they hadn't "compared notes") heard that I didn't have to go out and look for a job, but that God would bring the job to me.

That was all well and good, but I was nervous. After all, my livelihood was at stake! However, that advice did seem to go along with what I'd heard--I was too busy trying to obey God and "finish well" to be able to also look for a job. My final day was to be the last Friday in June.

So what happened? I got a phone call at the beginning of June from family friends. I have known her for over 14 years. For some time they lived down the street from me. Her husband owns a small business, Omega Retirement Plans, Inc. He is an actuary and works with (what else?) retirement plans. His administrative assistant gave notice that she was leaving on June 15th. Would I like to come in and talk? Well, yes, thank you!

The upshot of it is that I was hired and began on June 11. All the upheaval and learning during the transition time in the former job proved to me that I could learn "new tricks," even though I'm not about to call myself an "old dog!" It gave me a confidence that things could work out, even though the new job required a lot of things I'd never done before.

There are several wonderful things about what happened. One is that I work for a boss who is every bit as nice as my brother-in-law. Ron is as patient as Darrell was (and that's hard to find). I am able to learn (and flourish) in a low-pressure but intellectually stimulating environment. I also am now working four days a week instead of five, and bringing home more pay. That is an interesting answer to prayer, for I have felt for some time that I am to spend time developing some other areas of my life that I've needed more time or energy for...and now I'll have it --once I learn my job better and have more brain-power to devote to other things.

One other detail. I haven't had a car since the winter of 2000. It gave up the ghost--I was beginnng to put repair money down a bottomless pit and needed to let go of that "black hole" at the time and just plain save money. The good thing is that I have lived within 15 minutes walking distance from work at all times. In the last year especially, however, I have been prayerful about whether to buy a car. I kept hearing, "Wait." Last January, a couple from church came up to me and told me they felt God wanted them to give me their used 1994 Honda Accord Sedan. I prayed about it, checked it out financially with my children (they know how my finances run because I want them to) and came to the conclusion that I should take it. However, the car needed fixed, and the couple didn't have the money and didn't want to give me a broken car. They prayed, talked to pastor, and put out an email without my knowing it, and people from church contributed so the car could be fixed up for me.

I am now driving a small red car that I love. It got to me in May--just in time to get used to the idea of having "wheels" again--and just in time to be needed to get me about 4 miles to a friend's home so we can go together to work on the other side of town. (She works near where I do.) This is a God-send, because my depth perception is not good and driving in the dark and in rain for a short distance is different from driving all the way across town.

So you see, not only am I alive and well, but so is God and His work both directly and through others in my life. He is always providing. I left one job on Friday, June 8, and started the other on Monday, June 11. I didn't lose one day of pay, and time off started accruing on my first day (for every 10 hours I work, I get one hour of time off). I just pray I will be as much of a help to Ron and Omega Retirement Plans as Ron and Omega are to me.

Well, there's more to talk about, but not today. It's Friday, and I'm going to do some other things on my day off. I'm thrilled I'm beginning to want to study and write again--I've missed these things for the last four months. Have a good day, everyone. 'Bye for now.

"I Will Build My Church" - Part 2

2007-03-13T18:20:00.000-04:00

In I Will Build My Church Part 1, the issue discussed was how body members and Eph 4 ministry "people gifts" frequently have viewed the functions of leadership and membership. What was actually described in over-simplified terms as the norm today is a Christianity where the leaders wear all the hats that the various parts of the body are gifted to assume, and the "membership" takes the role of backseat driver and evaluates the results and calls the leadership to account. That's man's structure, not God's.

We are not members of an organizational structure, but members of "Christ's body." God wants us all to participate closely first with Him, then with each other in executing His plans. One of the major effects of the organizational model of "church" is the crippling of both body members and leaders. The "members" call the shots through the use of money and voting power, tying the leader to their expectations rather than God's. The leaders call the shots by tying people to their vision and programs through guilt, etc. None of this is godly, effective or a way God can build His church, because both sides are using man's methods and fleshly control. Neither side in the organizational model of church has the blessing of God behind it, and that is why they must resort to fleshly means of control.

Before I go farther, I want to acknowledge that yes, I am oversimplifying--I'm not even going to discuss the denominational "system" that helps hold the local church "structure" in place. Others have been there, done that. I don't want to focus on that especially since, as I said last time I agree with someone's statement that "the seed of destruction is sown into the beginning of any new work." This is what man does. Making it more personal, we try to make an institution or tradition of what works--as if God as Creator can't choose to do something differently any time He wants! I have recently revisited this facet of the "mount of Transfiguration" account (Matt 17:1-8) that illustrates this tendency of ours. Verse 4 NLT shows Peter's (and let's be honest, our response too) to God's glory: 4 Peter blurted out, "Lord, this is wonderful! If you want me to, I'll make three shrines, ...."

Confession time. I've seen how strong this tendency is in me (yes, now I'm getting even more personal). Learning to walk with the Holy Spirit and not touching His work with my own ideas of how to make it better has been something I've had to learn. The learning isn't done yet, either. Just the other day I saw Him doing something through someone, and because it looked like the person had been operating in this gift for years (the Holy Spirit can make it look like that even if it's a first time experience for someone), I treated the situation as such and said, "This is great. Now we need to... ." The end result? I confused a "first timer," and when I got home, the Lord said in my heart, "She told you this was new for her, right? So why are you adding things? You need to see that those things get done, but don't lay it on her." Since it took a little while for me to get it, I called and left a message on her answering machine, asking her to please, please call me the next day. She did and I explained how sorry I was to have confused her. I told her (rightly so) that it was great she had the boldness to obey God, and explained what I was responding to (the way it looked--like she'd done it "forever"). Then I asked her to forgive me and told her she was doing just fine (she was!) and not to concern herself with anything I'd said.

This brings me to another facet of God building His church. God won't be able to use us in the process if we have to "know everything" (we don't), or if we have to "save face." What I did wrong could have caused someone who is "trying her wings" in a wonderful obedience to stumble and feel as though she was missing it when in reality I was missing it. Getting real with her, however, opened the door to future conversation where we have the potential of getting to know each other better. I just might get to find out what else God's saying to her, and perhaps, just perhaps I could answer some questions that puzzle her about her new gift since I've worked in that area awhile. Exciting possibilities.

This also illustrates a misconception in the Body of Christ that can cause us problems. If leaders feel they have been entrusted with authority that they have to maintain, then they can't admit easily to errors. Couldn't that attitude help make a mountain of misunderstanding, hurt and tension out of what started out as something minor? Leaders need to be able to have and take the freedom to say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?"

Also, isn't that erroneous attitude of having to maintain God-given authority what makes leaders (and others) vulnerable to sin and satanic attack? If leaders have to uphold their image and authority themselves, they can't confide their battles and weaknesses to trusted others. Isn't that in part also what causes leaders to fall? Yes, it's true that leaders can't and shouldn't tell everybody everything. However, leaders desperately need friends (including some within their place of service) who can see them "warts and all," and respect their position while praying over their battles. If they pray and ask God for the friends He wants in their lives, then it will in no way weaken their God-given authority, but will instead strengthen it. The people God sends as friends will be mature and love them with God's love and pray and war for them with God's compassion and His zeal.

To have to always keep up an image is unhealthy, not to mention sin. It ties in with the thinking that a person's position is his or her identity, when the truth is our identity is to be found in our belonging to God, being His purchased, Blood-washed possession whom He dearly loves.

To embrace God's freedom is not to give away our authority--it is the means to enhancing it. We as individuals (both leaders and people) have nothing we need to prove--God already loves us. God has chosen us and has faith in us and has given us everything we need to become all He wants us to be. We don't have to push or fight or compete for our place--we just have to discover it in childlike faith, and begin taking steps as we are led like my friend did with her wonderful obedience. By the way, she could not have done that if she didn't have a supportive pastor who is more interested in seeing God's work and plan raised up among the sheep than in getting a program going. Only when this becomes the heart of leadership can the people truly flourish and find their places. As this happens, we will see God build His church by leaps and bounds.

"I Will Build My Church" - Part 1

2007-02-24T11:43:00.000-05:00

I woke up last Sunday morning with a little song/chorus in my head (sang and meditated on it all the while I was getting going). It goes like this, and it is from the words of Jesus: "I will build My church (I will build My church)-On the solid rock (On the solid rock)-And the gates of hell (And the gates of hell)-Shall not prevail (Shall not prevail)... ."

This got my attention, as one thing I have been thinking on lately is the church, the Body of Christ, God's people... . Call us whatever you want, but let's not miss the point that all who name the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and worship Him in spirit and truth are part of this living organism, no matter where we "gather together to forsake not the assembling," as good old King James puts it. The way Eph 4 describes things, we gather together and have over us those who are distinct representatives of the various aspects of Christ's earthly ministry. These "people gifts" to the church are responsible to God to help us mature into Christlikeness in thought, word and deed.

That's all well and good, but right now we, the church are in crisis. A lot of the old rules no longer seem effective, and the more mature we grow as Christians both individually and corporately, the more the old "rules and ways of doing church" seem like a playpen! After all, we are in high school at least, and hasn't anybody noticed?! Let me say that the "old ways" were effective--when we needed a playpen. Then the bars (or netting) were not a prison--but as we've been maturing those safeguards have turned on us and we're now imprisoned by the very ways that used to seem right and good.

What is the church to do? Rebel? Well, no, sorry, that's a little juvenile, not to mention sinful. -If we do, just maybe we're proving we're not so mature. Let's take a look at a few things here. Maybe we already have some clues as to where to go next.

In my first paragraph I mentioned that chorus which brought up a few thoughts. - Who will build whose church? That's Jesus speaking. It is His church, bought and paid for by His life's blood, death and resurrection. We, the church, are His new covenant people. He is our head, and He has set Eph 4 people ministry gifts over us to give us programs and other things to do that will keep us out of trouble. Those "people gifts" are called and salaried by us, and have to give us the kinds of things to do that will make us look good in the community. In addition, they are charged with growing the church. It is also their job to marry and bury, counsel and do hospital visitation, not to mention keeping the building program on track, because, after all, isn't this what we pay them for?--Whoops! Sorry. My mistake. That's not what Eph 4 says. -I also wanted to see if you were awake. So now that I have your attention, let me ask a question or two.

Since Eph 4 says these people gifts (expressions of various aspects of Jesus' earthly ministry) are commissioned by God to help mature the church into Christlikeness, why are we expecting them to fulfill all the things (and maybe more) mentioned in the last paragraph? Also, looking at the other side of the coin, why are those Eph 4 people gifts expecting those things of themselves? How is that job description causing the Body to mature? And (please forgive me for rocking the boat--I sort of feel like the kid who said the emperor didn't have any clothes on) why are these people gifts feeling like a failure if they can't be super-leaders and meet all those self and "church" imposed expectations?

If by any chance some actually become super-leaders, who is really building the church--Jesus or these people? Is the fruit created this way superficial smoke and mirrors--illusion so to speak, or the fruit that remains that Jesus promised if we do His will His way? That also brings up another question - does Jesus build His church if His people gifts are spending so much time and energy doing it in the above described way? It would seem His people gifts and the rest of us are so busy trying to do good things that we don't have time to listen to His direction, much less find out how to implement it.

I have heard it said that 'the seed of destruction is sown into the beginning of any new work.' As I think on that, I see that was already happening in the early church. That is why the apostles looked for godly people to manage practical responsibilities while they (the leaders) gave themselves to the Word and prayer. When they got their priorities right, God got a lot of "church work" done - He was building His church through divine direction as the leaders waited on Him - you know, "Send Paul and Barnabas... ."

As the early church leadership waited on God, they settled then-difficult doctrinal questions with the mind of Christ, they were directed to include Gentiles in this living entity called the church that the Lord was building by the Holy Spirit, and they were able to aid another part of the church going through famine by God's inspiration and direction. Also, they were able to deal with people who lied to the Holy Spirit (Ananias and Sapphira) and people who through the agency of demons were identifying and harassing them. They also were able to deal with occultic people who wanted to buy the gift of God. In addition, the Spirit of God through them healed people and delivered people. God's Spirit also told those early leaders and preachers where to go and where not to go at that time to carry His message.

In the early church there were plenty of people to willingly get God-given tasks accomplished. Leaders didn't pressure or talk people into or "guilt" people to do anything. It seems they really believed that Jesus would build His church, and trusting Him to do just that, they let the Holy Spirit show people what to do. Because the people heard God as a normal part of their lives, they obeyed with a glad heart, much as the Israelites did when bringing in offerings for the wilderness tabernacle.

About the not-pressuring-people issue--even as the people repent and free the leaders of wrong expectations, and as the leaders repent and let the Lord free them of wrong job descriptions and fleshly control, the Holy Spirit is able to get each member of the Body to take up his/her own responsibility in the unique way each was created to do so. Only when our expectations of ourselves and others in the Body, whether body member or leader member agree with God and stay on His altar can we hope to get on with the business of letting the Lord build His church in such a way that the gates of hell will not prevail against us.

Snow Daze

2007-02-14T11:08:00.001-05:00

Hi, Everybody! Long time no write. I have my wish--I'm snowed in. This is something I've longed for for at least two years. I am now in my second day in a row of "snowed in-ness" (that's the state of being snowed in, for those of you who need a translation), and it's got to be better than my first.

I decided yesterday, my first snow day (not knowing I was going to have a second day), was going to be my "Waterloo." I was going to meet my match. You see, I had these spreadsheets to do for work, and I didn't even know how to change from one year to the next on the forms without changing the formulas. I must have been in a "snow daze," because it took me five hours to learn that and how to add categories with calculations intact. (I'm not a math or spreadsheet person, by nature--my kids once said to me, "Mom, everything you do tastes like English." --There you have it!) I even had to have my son walk me through some of it. Micah was very patient. Why I didn't ask him earlier, I don't know--maybe I didn't want to admit how slow I was in this area. There is something about wanting to do enough things well so that your kids admire you instead of being tempted to snicker...but that's a subject [maybe] for another day... . (Why, you ask, did I deal with spreadsheets at work for two years without knowing what I was doing? Legitimate question. I just in the last month or so got the equipment that would enable me to practice at home... .)

Anyway, after I got the work accomplished, I promptly lost my victory in self-pitying martyrdom; after all, I had "wasted" a perfectly good snow day. Why couldn't I think I had "invested" it in becoming more valuable to my employer? But I didn't think that way, and I got grouchy enough so that when a friend called, my grouchiness was noticed. --Yes, I apologized and explained. Then I got a call and heard that we would be closed again today...so all my disappointment about "wasting my snow day" was for nothing.

Now, after a great night's sleep (the night before I had woken up periodically and ended up on the couch with blinds open watching the snow and dozing fitfully in my excitement), am I sitting here feeling peaceful? accomplished? content? No, I'm feeling restless, bored, and wondering about what the snow days will do to my financial bottom line, among other things. That could be called "worry." The point is, there is always something around to spoil my good time if I let it.

So...by God's grace, I'm choosing. I'm choosing to read the Bible, talk to God about my concerns, be thankful that I have everything I need for today, including a second snow day, heat, light, computer, my blog to write on... and I'm going to be happy, and let God be concerned about tomorrow. He's very good at that. I just finished reading the book of Job in The Message bible. Very good and to the point. I'm also going to pray for those in New Orleans who are going through a second (or first) round of losing everything in less than two years, the homeless, those without heat, those in war-torn countries, those who have lost loved ones to war or illness or old age, those who don't know Jesus. I choose to be thankful, mindful of God, and prayerful. ...You know what? My mood is changing. I feel better already.

Wasted Worship, or Wasted Worship? Part 3

2006-10-14T09:30:00.000-04:00

In this post, I would like to discuss the other half of my title. First though, let's review the definitions of worship we have been working from:

WordReference.com Adapted from: Wordnet 2.0 Copyright 2003 by Princeton University. All rights reserved.

wor·ship Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English worshipe worthiness, respect, reverence paid to a divine being, from Old English weorthscipe worthiness, respect, from weorth worthy, worth + -scipe -ship

2 : reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also : an act of expressing such reverence
3 : a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual
4 : extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem <worship of the dollar>

The definition of wasted is

wasted
adj 1: serving no useful purpose; having no excuse for being;
"advice is wasted words"  [syn: pointless]
2: not used to good advantage; ..."a wasted effort" --Source: WordNet (r) 1.7

This definition of wasted indicates something is useless. However, there is a slang definition of "wasted" that means drunk or intoxicated. In thinking about that, I am reminded of the Book of Acts where the Holy Spirit falls on the waiting and seeking disciples. The Bible says to onlookers they seemed (in today's language) wasted, or (by inference) totally given over in this case to the Spirit of God rather than to alcohol or drugs. What does it mean to be totally "given over" to God? What is this kind of "wasted worship?"

In parts one and two of this series, I said I believe to have true worship we must know the God we worship as He reveals Himself, not as we imagine Him or desire Him to be. I also said we must agree with His view of us, as well as what He came to do for and in us. Thirdly, I said we must allow Him to do in us those things that He desires. This will either infuse life into our definitions 2 and 3 above, or totally transform us to #4. It will move our worship from the realm of lip-service to the realm of "life-service." It will move our worship from empty and powerless to relevant and meaningful. It will please God and it will change us. That's at least part of what the Bible calls worshipping in Spirit and in truth.

Other ways of describing this kind of worship are "whole life worship," "radical or extreme Christianity," or, as I titled this series, "wasted worship." It means I give up my agenda and desires to live for one goal, and that is as the apostle Paul says in Phil 3:10 AMP "[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness...]."

I notice here that Paul talks about his purpose--not as a finished product, but as a goal. As the Bible says, it is a progressive thing, both my knowing God and His transforming me. God doesn't expect perfection, just a heart that is willing to enter wholly into the process. He even makes provision for the times when I have a hard time being willing--Phil 2:13 AMP says, "It is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight."

Paul also described the "how-to" of this process in another way that we mentioned in part 2--that of presenting ourselves to God for transformation in mind and body (Rom 12:1-2). - Isaiah, an Old Testament prophet must have done this. Below is a description of part of one "wasted worship" experience he had:

Isa 6:1, 5-8 NLT In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of His robe filled the Temple. 5Then I said, "My destruction is sealed, for I am a sinful man and a member of a sinful race. Yet I have seen the King, the Lord Almighty!" 6Then one of the seraphim flew over to the altar, and he picked up a burning coal with a pair of tongs. 7He touched my lips with it and said, "See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven." 8Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to My people? Who will go for Us?" And I said, "Lord, I'll go! Send me."
--Sounds good, doesn't it? The only thing is that what the Lord tells him to do (I'm not even going to go there now) would be quite hard. It could only be accomplished with God's grace and help.

Another form of "wasted worship" is to be found in the book of Job after he's lost all his possessions, his children and his health. He didn't know why. In Job 13:15 NKJV, we see his response: "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." That, friends, is a real, extravagant, wasted worship response. It took God's grace to help him say that and mean it. Real, honest wasted worship takes us beyond who we are, what we want in our own selves, and what we can do by ourselves. It takes us into God's territory, and we get to see what He can do in and through us.

Want another example? (They are all through the Bible--just look at anyone who ever did anything big and you will first see the wasted worship experience either implied or spelled out.) In Habakkuk 3:17-19 NLT the prophet responds to God, "Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vine, even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren, even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, 18yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. 19The Sovereign Lord is my strength!"

The pattern I'm seeing here is that if one is really worshipping God as He intends, life will not be easy. He doesn't go easy on me because I choose to follow Him--far from it. Life will be quite challenging. But then, isn't it anyway? Life happens--what counts is my response to it and God. In relationship with Him, the things that happen will become fuel for growth instead of bitterness. If I enter into the right kind of "wasted worship," my life will not be pain-free, but it also will not be wasted in aimless wandering or futility.

Here's one (our last) example of wasted worship in the New Testament: Jn 12:1-5, 7a "Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus was who had been dead, whom He had raised from the dead. 2There they made Him a supper, and Martha served, ... . 3Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard (the NLT describes this gift as a 12-ounce jar of expensive perfume), anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil."

Let me pause here. This was an extravagant, over-the-top gesture, wasn't it? But the more practical minded didn't like her wasted worship and even had something to say about it. Verse 4: "But one of His disciples, Judas Iscariot, ...who would betray Him, said, 5'Why was this fragrant oil not sold ...and given to the poor?' "

Pause again. Note the heart of those opposed to true wasted worship. They have another agenda - not always a deceitful one, sometimes just an unenlightened or misguided one. I am not to judge them or let them stop me. Verse 7: "But Jesus said, 'Let her alone... .' "

Morals I draw from these true stories? True wasted worship will always look "out there" to those not involved. It may and probably will seem excessive. It may seem wasteful. But done with a right heart, it will please my Father God and change me. That's what I want. How about you?

P.S. I started part one saying that worship styles are being hotly contested in the American church. As I look at our working definitions, I see nothing about music or musical styles even mentioned. Worship is from the heart and life. Music is just one way it is expressed. I need to keep that perspective as I view our worship services. I think if we enter more and more into "wasted worship" as the Body of Christ, "worship wars" in the realm of music will become less and less prevalent. The Holy Spirit can and will unite those who are "of one heart and soul" as the Book of Acts describes. -bi

Wasted Worship, or Wasted Worship? Part 2

2006-04-26T08:15:00.000-04:00

I said in my last post that it would be a good idea to take a look at worship--what it is, and its expressions. Before I do, I want to review the dictionary definitions I am working from:

[from WordReference.com Adapted from:WordNet 2.0 Copyright 2003 by Princeton University All rights reserved.]

wor-ship
Etymology: Middle English worshipe worthiness, respect, reverence paid to a divine being, from Old English weorthscipe worthiness, respect, from weorth worthy, worth + -scipe -ship

2: reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also: an act of expressing such reverence
3: a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual
4: extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem <worship of the dollar>

To really do #2 in my definition, my first consideration would be, what is the correct mind-and-heart-set from which all true worship that is suitable for this God flows?

To really worship, I must be on the same page with God, agreeing with Him about Who He says He is. That is the very first element of worship. To keep it from just being superficial intellectual assent, however, I must learn to know this God as Paul says in Acts 17:22-31, receive His sacrifice for me, and count His opinion about my everyday life as more important than any other, including my own. That attitude will change my whole perspective on life in general, and specifically my life, which will affect my actions and responses day by day, which will in turn affect the outcome.

If I really believe, as He says, that His ways are beyond me and my understanding, then to adopt them sincerely means first acknowledging, then laying down my ideas about everything and learning to think and feel and do as He would in any given situation. In doing this, I am actively admitting first of all that my whole life, every area, was influenced by the original fall into sin and rebellion against God. Secondly I am admitting that my whole life has also been distorted by my own personal sin. I am saying that my own mind, will and emotions, while very real, cannot follow God by themselves because I am so distorted.

On the other hand, once I've made those admissions (confessions), I am acknowledging that the picture really isn't that dark--I have hope. I am saying that my life can be different, that it can be more and more restored to the pattern that God intended and further, that this is what I want and am aiming for. Each day, moment by moment as I am giving God access to my life, I recognize that each situation that comes up is another opportunity to learn more of my God's ways and thoughts. It's another opportunity to allow Him to restore me and make me whole.

You say that way of following God (it's also called surrender or dying to self--the distorted, sinful self) sounds a little extreme? God says anything less is half-hearted, polluted worship, also called in the Bible "strange fire." In the Old Testament, the penalty for rewriting (distorting) God or His rules or principles was death (see Leviticus 9:23-10:4), sometimes physical and sometimes spiritual as with the Pharisees who chose not to repent.

In the New Testament, Jesus died in my place for my sin (He could because He was the One and Only who walked through every kind of temptation we humans have experienced and did not sin). The penalty of death has been removed if I receive what He did for me. In receiving Him and His work on my behalf, I begin to give Him access to my life. I become no longer me-born-into-sin, but me-acceptable-and-righteous because I have turned (repented) from my ways and now want His. I receive His robe of righteousness (Is 61:10), and as I walk with Him day-in and day-out, He will change me. Eventually, if He's left to work unhindered, His redemption begins to affect every part of me. This is where eternal life starts--the point at which I receive Him--not when I get to heaven; it just continues there. God says through Paul in the book of Romans that living life daily with this attitude is true worship:

Rom 12:1-2 NLT: And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind He will accept. When you think of what He has done for you, is this too much to ask? [NIV says here, "...this is your spiritual act of worship."] 2Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is.

True worship begins here, with submission, total submission in heart which will eventually show in my life. I am not a robot. God will not force this kind of life on me. It is my choice, but without it, my worship is wasted, or at best very limited. But I like to imagine what my life will look like if I continually desire to walk in this attitude. As we read above, Romans 12 says I will be transformed into a new person, I'll know what God wants me to do, and I will know how good His will really is. This is definition #4 above: extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem. This is the subject of part 3--the other half of "wasted" worship.

Wasted Worship, or Wasted Worship? Part 1

2006-04-22T08:20:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, April 25, 2006: It's finally time. I'm ready to begin talking about it. "It," the thing in dispute all over the land in one way or another, is worship. This is a very hard subject for me to nail down--the whole idea is bringing me warfare in the form of confusion, distraction, and other priorities as I try to write. In my view that's one very good reason to pursue it. It wouldn't be so difficult if there wasn't something to be gained. So here goes (the rest was finished on the date above shown for this post):

Lately I've been thinking about a post on my son's blog called Wasted Worship. (By series' end, I hope to have explained my title.) Worship takes many forms--and there is always worship of some kind expressed in our lives. I believe the desire to worship is encoded in our spiritual and emotional DNA.

Today, as in every age, the act of worship is very much a battleground in the whole church, exhibited by the just-under-the-surface battle over musical preferences and the temptation to mindlessly participate, in the ever-present attack of the enemy on worship leaders to lead worship by rote (religious form over substance which dulls the mind and never gets in contact with God), or the very real battle against pride and showmanship that attacks those who dare to lead worship. Motives are all important in either winning or losing this battle--they also determine whether our worship is given in spirit and truth, or whether we are participating in "strange fire" or "polluted" worship. That being the case, it would be a good idea to take a long look at worship, firstly what it is, and secondly its expressions.

Here is one dictionary's definition of worship: [from WordReference.com Adapted from:WordNet 2.0 Copyright 2003 by Princeton University All rights reserved.]

wor-ship
Etymology: Middle English worshipe worthiness, respect, reverence paid to a divine being, from Old English weorthscipe worthiness, respect, from weorth worthy, worth + -scipe -ship

2: reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also: an act of expressing such reverence
3: a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual
4: extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem <worship of the dollar>

There are many today who refuse to acknowledge (definition #2) God (the divine being/supernatural power) and Jesus Christ His Son come to earth to show us God's heart and character, how to walk with Him daily (worship?), and to make a way back so we can be reinstated in right relationship with the Father. Many others sincerely believe there is a power that we can't really know, or else that He is inside all of us, and we just have to search for that part of Him in ourselves. But the real truth is spoken very well by one of the Bible writers well over 1,500 years ago to a culture not unlike our own in character. He leads into that subject this way:

Acts 17:22-23 NLT--"Men of Athens, I notice that you are very religious, (23)for as I was walking along I saw your many altars. And one of them had this inscription on it--'To an Unknown God.' You have been worshipping Him without knowing Who He is, and now I wish to tell you about Him." (If you want to know more, there's plenty in verses 24-31--for the purposes of this train of thought, however, I will assume you already know about Him, or even better, that you have a relationship with Him.)

There are other people who claim to be Christians who worship Him only with definition #3 (a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual). Yes, it's possible to worship Him that way, for in the above verses even Paul acknowledges that the Greeks were worshipping this Unknown God. The problem though is that God (see Hebrews 13:8) by definition doesn't change--E V E R. That means the only response in our relationship with Him that will transform religious acts into real live worship is for us to get to know Him well, and let His influence over us be the influence that counts in our lives.

When we don't know God Whom we say we worship, we are dishonoring instead of respecting Him by only giving Him mental assent. To the degree that we don't get to know Him deeply, we are offering God "polluted" worship. We pollute our worship with man's ideas, trying to conform our image and worship of God to our own lifestyles and beliefs. James, another Bible writer says even God's enemies, demons, recognize His reality--but that it won't get them anywhere: James 2:19-20 NLT--Do you still think it's enough just to believe that there is one God? Well, even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror! 20...When will you ever learn that faith that does not result in good deeds is useless?

Worship (even worship with feelings) can result in a God-dishonoring life--unless we allow Him to do what He came to do--change us into His character likeness day by day. Only then will our expressions of worship unite His people and accurately reflect God's worth (worthiness to be worshipped) back to Him.

A Rare Privilege

2006-04-08T07:57:00.000-04:00

I know I was going to start some postings on worship--and they will come, Lord willing. But please excuse me, because life and opportunity and privilege interrupted.

Last Saturday (April 1) I was going to work as a "human arrow." This was an opportunity for our church to earn much needed funds, and I got the idea that it would be helpful for me to volunteer to stand in one place for about 6-8 hours (plus have break and supper) even though I haven't stood on my feet that long in years. (They are very flat, and though I am in decent shape, I'm not so sure my feet and legs would be after a stint like that... .) We were to point the way in downtown Indianapolis during the final four weekend.

But then I got an Opportunity--my son called on Thursday (end of March), asking if I'd like to go on his weekend trip with him to northwestern Tennessee. This was a heads-up to me because it was somewhat unusual. This son and I often do things together at this point in our lives, but a weekend trip? Not so much. I felt it was not just a break, but important. Most mothers of grown children will understand--when we get this kind of Opportunity it is a Privilege, and the answer is always Y E S if we possibly can. --Thank You, church, for making it possible and releasing me from my "arrow" commitment; I would have done it (cheerfully) because promise, dependability and faithfulness are priorities to me, but thanks for understanding (and God thank You for having others in the wings to step in...).

When I found out that Friday morning that I could go, I packed-in-a-hurry and went on to work. My son picked me up at the end of the day, and we were off on an adventure. Now I love traveling, and I love being with any of my three sons. This adventure was to start with a treat of spending an uninterrupted five hours in the car with him. I love doing that because we talk about all sorts of things--silly things, ideas, philosophy of life. We don't always agree, but I think for me it is getting easier to agree to disagree and let God change each of us than it used to be. I certainly get stretched from our talks and end up with a lot to think about. (Please let's not stop.)

Last weekend I got beautiful spring scenery, warm temps, and a chance to share in my son's world and broaden mine. I had never known people whose ministry revolved around an army base where they were regularly deploying soldiers. We were on the Clarksville, TN side of Ft. Campbell, KY, visiting a good friend of my son's. I also had the privilege of entering her world. It was wonderful to see her again. Last time I saw her was when she was at the edge of flying from the nest. She is now out there, Abraham-like, transplanted into a place where God sent her, and becoming a strong, beautiful, obedient, courageous woman of God. Her sharing reminded me of something very important --if I really think some prompting I have is of God, I need to feel the fear and do it anyway. The ways God has blessed her have really reminded me of the blessings of obedience.

Additionally, I got the privilege of seeing a neat Body-of-Christ-gift in operation. I saw a couple who was able to invite a group of people over for supper and the evening. What's so "gift-like" about that? Well, these guests from various walks of life were from many different places, both geographically and spiritually. But with this gift in operation, even I was comfortable enough for a change to get in there and interact with people from backgrounds extremely different from mine. This was "lifestyle evangelism" and "loving people and letting God do His thing" at its best. From what I can tell, this couple's version of this gift enables guests to feel extraordinarily at home with each other--it was a "safe" place to venture out.

I also learned during that evening to feel much less guilty about the calls in the Body for lifestyle evangelism. I think those I've heard (and rightly so) may strongly have that gift operating that way, because their description is similar. But I usually fall flat on my face trying to fit into that mold. I realized I am not a klutz, dumb, unspiritual, uncaring, unloving, or any of the other things the enemy accuses me of when I know I can't pull off an evening like that myself--it is just not the way my gift is expressed. How liberating if I will remember it! So I can continue to do it in my own way, and can from now on feel okay about it. - Wow! A chance to meet new friends and learn too--this trip was great!

We also had three time changes--TN was an hour earlier than we were, then there was their April 1st daylight savings time change, and thirdly, the new Indiana daylight savings time on our way back. I almost felt like a time-traveler by the time I was done leaping backward once, then forward twice. My son explained how easy it was for him to change time zones (even when he went overseas). I tried it and it worked till Tuesday. (My son said, "Till Tuesday? You got back to work on Monday." My comment, "See what I mean? Time-travel--delayed reaction." Actually I meant to say Monday... :) )

As if all that excitement wasn't enough, we also got back to my house ten minutes before all the serious Indiana weather that took out the windows on 12 floors of a corner of a downtown building. The storm was about 5-10 minutes behind us, sirens soon were going off all over the city, but we had a beautiful, uneventful trip back, though the storms hit down through the whole corridor of our travels. I'm grateful (very) we weren't driving during that time.

So... thank you, son, for the trip and chance to enjoy you. Thank you for letting me into your life. Thank you for all the ways on this trip that you considered me and that said you were glad I was along for the ride. It was special. Thank you all in Tennessee for letting me into your lives and homes. Your hospitality was a real blessing, and ministered to me. Thank You, Lord, for watching over us, letting me see once again Your beautiful work in someone who allows You to grow her, the chance to see You in operation in a situation from today's headlines (people involved in the war on terror), and the opportunity to see how Your gifts spread Your influence, life, and hope so graciously in this world through another neat committed Christian couple. Thank you all for the gift of this adventure.

Spring Snow Part 2

2006-03-21T12:51:00.000-05:00

Yup, I woke up twice during the night. Decided to make things easy--left my living room blinds open so I didn't have to go over to the window and peek out to see what was going on. I finally got up at 4 (yes, that's a.m.--don't worry, I didn't realize there was life before 7am a few years ago, either) and watched our local weather and morning show (which decided to come on a half hour early--at 4 because of the storm) while I was doing my exercise routine. There was N O T H I N G going on outside--but that's happened other times, and since this wasn't the first snow of the year, it was ok. But to our south and north it started snowing like crazy around 4:30. By 5:15 it was just beginning here. (Glad I was expending energy during this time or I'd have been really antsy.)

While I was watching, and since I was up, I decided I'd better head to work early. I usually start walking in about 8:45am, but thought the way things were going that I'd be better off to leave at 6:15. It was a beautiful-cold-snowy-blowy-night walk, with the promise of morning and spring very close, so I look at it (and the whole day, really) as my goodby to winter proper. When I got to work, I grabbed the shovel and broom, as I still wasn't sure if the snowplow was coming (it didn't), and I wanted our clients to be able to get in without falling. (We have elderly clients, some of whom consider this kind of weather a challenge, and others who wouldn't come out on a day like today if you paid them.) The shoveling reminded me again of Buffalo (NY); I remember coming home from school and my sister and I being put to work shoveling a foot (no exaggeration) of snow out of the driveway--it never got finished, but sure kept us out of mischief--sort of like moving a pile of dirt from one place to another.

One thing definitely not like Buffalo--seeing the whole Morning Show devoted to nothing but the weather locally. If Buffalo did that, there would never be anything else talked about all winter. I remember once calling my aunt and uncle when they had just had 30 inches of snow, and asked how they liked being snowed in. They said I'd have to excuse them, as they were throwing a dinner party! You have to understand, I left Buffalo when I was 12, and don't remember all the ins and outs of living with tons of snow as a matter of course.

Well, the snow stopped near 10 am, so I finished all the shoveling I needed to, and it is already (lunch hour) beginning to melt. Better go back to work, and I will enjoy the last of my "winter goodby"--and hopefully sleep more soundly tonight!

P.S. The weather man was nearly right this time--we got almost 5 inches.

Happy Spring Part 1--Waiting for Snow

2006-03-20T17:46:00.000-05:00

Well, it's about time for the weather report as I write this. I've heard ever since 5:30am that we are going to have a snow warning starting 11pm tonight. This is the kind of forecast that makes me antsy with anticipation. I like snow--that's good, considering my brother-in-law-boss is on vacation this week, which means I will be walking to work (about 3/4 mile). The kid in me loves to see lots of snow fall (maybe a hold-over from growing up in Buffalo, NY, land of lake effect snow--about 90 inches a year; here our usual is about 27 inches...). It's one time I really like the view out of my basement apartment windows. The fir trees look like they are frosted if it's the clingy-kind of snow. I like the idea of waking up in the morning to a white wonderland... . The weather man just said we should have about 4 inches by 7am, and end up with 6-10 inches.

I usually find myself getting up on a night like tonight in the middle of the night to peek out the window to see if the storm's started yet. The only problem is that makes me extra-tired the next day. Oh well, maybe it will be a snow-day. I learned from a friend at one of our other offices in the city that I don't need to come in if a snow-emergency is declared. Yes, I like my job, but wouldn't it be nice to "get out of school" for a day (and still get paid)?

Another reason I'm looking forward to this snow is that it won't last forever--it is supposed to be in the 40s by Wednesday, and almost 50 by Saturday. It is the beginning of spring after all. While I like more snow than Indiana usually gets (although the blizzard of 1977 was really good...our oldest son, Jonathan was only three months old, we were visiting friends because we really didn't believe the weather report, and our friends didn't either--and ended up snow-bound with them for three days...the local grocery ran out of everything but beans...), I like Indiana spring--it comes about a month earlier than Buffalo, NY spring.--There I always felt it would never come, and here it's taken me 35 years not to be surprised at how fast it shows up (okay, I can be a slow learner).

I have to go now...and anticipate. More later in part 2.

Hearing God's Voice--What's Stopping Me?

2006-03-18T12:45:00.000-05:00

Everybody who is a Christian wants to hear God "speak," to be able to receive His guidance and direction. The only problem is that we don't always know how to hear Him. - Right? Well, not always. I'm going to come at this from an unusual, for me, angle. Usually I focus on what God sounds like, the different ways people can hear Him, etc. But today, I woke up thinking about the roadblocks to hearing God speak to my heart.

I need to ask myself if I really want to hear Him and obey. The book of James talks about hearing God through His Word, then going away and forgetting what He said, and what His Word says I'm really like without obedience. There is no point to it. Why should God direct my life if I refuse His direction?

This brings me to a deeper question: why would I refuse His direction, or if I wanted to be more polite, just go away and not do it? The answer I come up with is that I really want what I want more than I want what He wants. An example: have you ever thought to yourself, "Yes, I want to go to heaven, but first I want to live a full life here?" I've thought that. It is natural, healthy, and normal. God didn't create us as robots without preferences. Preferences make us individuals. Regarding the above thought, not to want to live a full life under many circumstances could be viewing heaven as a "Christian escape hatch," which is not good. The only time this (or any other thought of "but first I want") is wrong and a roadblock to hearing God is when I allow that to override something He's specifically asking of me.

Jesus had wants--some included not wishing to see Lazarus His friend die (even though He knew the end of the story) and not wanting to die on the cross. What was His response? To the first, He stayed away because He heard God speak--then after three days He went because God spoke again, and God raised Lazarus from the dead. That had to be difficult not to go to his friend Lazarus right away when he got sick. About not wanting to go to the cross and die, He asked God to do it any other way if possible, but, and here's the key, ended up sincerely giving His will to God and saying, "Not my will, but Yours be done." Equally important, He meant it. - He backed it up with obedient action.

The question today for me it seems, is not how to hear God's voice, but instead, am I willing to? How deep is my commitment to His will, plans, and purposes over my own? When confronted with a hard choice that goes against my desires and/or opinions, will I agree with Him or myself? How much do I really want to see "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven?" What am I willing to give up to see that happen? Jesus in one of His stories tells us about a man who started to build something, but came up short and didn't have the means to finish it. He tells us to count the cost, that is, not to walk into anything lightly that involves commitment, or it will be impossible to finish successfully.

The good news as I consider all this is that the Bible not only doesn't expect me to but says I can't do all God asks on my own through the strength of self-will. That won't work, because my will falls short. Instead, Jesus' followers say things like Phil 2:13 NLT: "For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him." There is also a prayer in the Bible concerning this very thing: Heb 13:20 NLT - "And now, may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, equip you with all you need for doing His will. May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, all that is pleasing to Him." - With God in my corner, I know I can come to the kind of commitment He desires, and as I do so, I don't believe I'll ever have to wonder again if I hear or how to hear His voice.

A New Start

2006-03-16T11:32:00.000-05:00

Just looking at the sunshine out my window and listening to the kids waiting for the school bus reminds me of how I love mornings. The day is alive and well, and thankfully so am I. The mistakes of yesterday that I still have to deal with today and the knotty work problems (the insurance company that denied the claim, the unending paperwork...) don't seem quite as daunting after God's gift of a good night sleep. Once I am up, exercised and "tea-d," I'm ready to spend time with God and see what He has in store.

I guess what gives this "recovering pessimist" the most hope is God's character. Just look at the context surrounding the declaration in Lamentations (the little book right after Jeremiah) 3:22-23 NKJV, "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. 23They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness." --What provokes so much faith during such difficulties?

If His people can say things like that even in the most awful circumstances, this is a God I want to know more. Want to hear another inspired-during-a-mess declaration of this mighty God's followers? Again, look at the context for Habakkuk (after Micah and Nahum in the Old Testament) 3:17-19. My paraphrase: "Though absolutely awful things happen, I will be happy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength. He helps me endure and achieve more than I ever thought I could."

This is the kind of God I need to face every today no matter what it holds. --More good news: I have this kind of God. In Heb 13:8 the writer of Hebrews states that Jesus Christ, God-in-the-flesh is the same character-wise throughout all time. This means that He doesn't change His mind on a whim. What He valued yesterday, or when He inspired the Bible, is what He values today. The world will change, circumstances change, people change, but my God doesn't. He loves me as much as He loved Moses, Enoch, Elijah, Abraham, Sarah, Rahab, Paul, Noah, ... and He deals with me in similar fashion.

All of the above in one way or another had a new start. The Bible biographies tell me that people cannot encounter the living God and not have new opportunities. There are others who encountered Him who chose to remain who they were before, only more so--Ahab, Jezebel, Herod, Judas, ... . But today I'm focusing on the new start.

Lord, thank You so very much that Your mercies are new every morning--Monday through Sunday. Thank You that nothing is hidden from You (Ps 139), and that I have the privilege of getting to know You better every day. Not only is nothing hidden from You, but You don't hide Yourself from those who want You and seek You. Yet I can't even take credit for that--for I love You because You first loved and reached out to me. What a wonder-full God You are. I love you back with the love You gave me. Barb

The Gift of Words

2006-03-11T10:00:00.000-05:00

I love blogs more and more. I have discovered I can discuss whatever I want in whatever order I want, but you all (whoever you are) can read things in a logical progression just by going back through my earlier titles and working your way up without sifting through all the seeming irrelevancies! It's the answer to everything--including men-women communication!! Well, maybe that's going a bit too far... :) ... .

My subject today, as the title suggests, is the gift of words. I woke up early thinking about how some of us have been blessed with this gift. The Bible (which is the word to the wise, and one that can make us wise) speaks in many places about the power of words, and it says that we will give account for our words because of the power they hold.

Words influence people for good or bad. Words clarify and give thoughts, concepts, pictures and frames of reference to others. Words can incite people to action--look at Hitler's words and the effect they had on a whole race of people. Look also at the effect of the words of Martin Luther and John and Charles Wesley. They reminded us of the words of the Word, Jesus more often than not. They brought back into our lives the concepts of grace and holiness which had been forgotten or gotten out of balance.

There are many ways we as Christians can use our words, but there is one overriding consideration. Are our words edifying--that is, do they build up and strengthen ourselves (yes, our words can harm ourselves as well as others) and others? Do they draw people closer to God, or do they drive people away from Him? Do they criticize or shame others, or offer the way to forgiveness and hope in Jesus? Do our words excuse or confront sin in both ourselves and others? Do they produce fear of man or love for God and others?

All of us who have been blessed with this gift have to learn how to use it. It is not an easy gift to master, because the Bible also says in Matt 12:34-35 NLT--"For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. 35 A good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart." This means that to use this gift rightly, I must be changed by my experiences with Jesus, the Living (ultimate) Word, who alone can give me the right heart.

Having said all the above, those of us who have the gift of words need to learn how our particular "brand" of this gift operates. It can be different in different people. It's a funny thing--as I've gotten older and have learned how to use my gift of words more, I have found the gift of words can do some things I never would have thought. My particular version of this gift allows me to give words to what others are feeling and experiencing so they can take those things to God for healing. My gift of words has been able to confirm that others are (or aren't) seeing things accurately. Words have even been able to be used by people who say they have no words. They borrow mine when mine accurately mirror the echoes in their heart, and eventually they begin to have their own words.

At times, my gift of words expresses itself in poetry. Sometimes I'm impressed to write letters. Over the years I have been impressed to learn to use the Internet and start a web page and pray the people God wants to see it connect with it--my words can give others words even when I wrote them long ago if they are echoes of human hearts and God's heart. Sometimes my gift of words expresses itself in counseling, and when the time is right in teaching. I don't believe I have discovered all the uses for my gift yet, but I believe I'm growing at a good pace, and that's all God asks of me--to be faithful today with what He's given me.

It is not boasting or pride to find out what our gifts can do. It could be considered "burying our talents" not to learn how ours work. In fact, with a right heart it is very important to learn our gifts and use them to bring others closer to God. - You "word" people out there, what does God want you to do with your gift?

I Also Love Mornings

2006-03-10T11:30:00.000-05:00

I love the fresh feeling of a new day. Once I get out of bed, stretch, do my exercise hour or so, I get to look at the day. It is a new beginning. To me, every day is a new beginning in God. It is when my body is most alert, when many things seem possible. I love the time before the day gets filled with phone calls and demands on my time. In winter, I enjoy sitting with a (hopefully--when I'm feeling I want to be healthy) bowl of oatmeal and thinking/talking to God (and listening) about my day to come. When it's warmer out, sometimes I like a 7 am walk around my apartment complex and neighboring church. I get to look at nature, and pray for those who live on my "beat." Sometimes, like today, I get to write.

Lord, please help me continue to develop the habit of gratefulness--and noticing the simple things You've put here for me to enjoy. Bring reminders when I'm too lazy to get up early enough to enjoy--or too tired because of my unwise (often too much TV) choices the night before. Grant me the grace to be wise about what activities I take on and don't take on. Remind me that "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven," (Ecclesiastes), and let me remember that not only don't I have to, but it isn't always appropriate to do all the things I want. There are seasons, and I need to continue to learn to appreciate the season I'm in. When life is over here, I want to be able to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant," and I know if I don't remember what's important in each season, I can't hear that.

Thank You for today--for the birds outside my window, for the promise of hope after a dark, stormy night. I pray for those who were hurt by the spring storms that swept across the land yesterday. Please help them and lead them to what they need. Give them grace and encouragement--and may they find You in a more real, vibrant, living way as they deal with things. Isn't that the point of everything anyway? Love you, Lord. Barb

Compassion, or Feelings Part 2

2006-03-06T11:30:00.000-05:00

I have to follow up on something which looks right now like it will be the subject of several posts. Being a student of human nature, I have a natural bent toward psychology and sociology. Also, as a Christian for more than thirty years, I have found I have another interest that not all Christians have (it just seems to be part of my "gift-mix"). I am interested in theology and how all three "ologys" fit together in a very practical way. In fact, I would say one of my life-goals is to become as much as possible an "integrated" Christian. For more on what being an "integrated Christian" means to me, please take this link to a poem on my web page. (I did a study--I explain there--and out came a poem! :) )

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot on feelings (see my very first blog post with that title) and how they tie into compassion and how compassion ties into mercy. According to the online version of the American Heritage Dictionary, compassion is defined as deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. It says a synonym for compassion is pity.

The Bible says something about compassion in the life of Jesus:
Heb 4:15-16 NIV--15 For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have One who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Right here I see a very real link between dealing rightly with my own feelings, having compassion and then showing mercy. According to the verses, a natural outgrowth of compassion is an ability to share grace and mercy with others. But if I have stuffed my feelings and it has made me either physically sick or bitter, I cannot have compassion. If I do not care for myself enough to respect and deeply acknowledge my own feelings and then deal with them rightly, how can I or why would I have compassion for others? I don't have the energy or inclination.

Instead, I will think others are either getting what's coming to them because of their actions and/or choices or getting what's coming to them as a result of living in this fallen world, sometimes expressed as "That's life." While either idea may be somewhat true at times, those attitudes almost automatically deny compassion and its expression which is mercy, because to have compassion, I have to first be deeply aware as the dictionary says, of the suffering of another, and secondly I have to care about that suffering deeply enough to move me to action.

That attitude (of people getting what's coming to them for any reason) also is wrong from another angle. It is judging others. Jesus tells us two things about judging (these are His direct words):

Matt 7:1-3 NIV--1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

John 7:24 NIV--"Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment."

Is Jesus saying two contradictory things here? I don't think so. I believe He's saying to judge rightly, I must fully acknowledge my own condition of sin--which includes two things--one, that I was born a fallen creature and two, that I can easily fall into sin. (Other scriptures shedding light on this include: 1 John 1:8,10 NLT--8 If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts. Rom 3:23 NLT--For all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard.)

Only when I see myself rightly and agree with God's view, can I get to a place of humility, which says my sin is every bit as sinful in God's eyes as yours, and also that at any time I could fall into sin (sin being when I am falling short of God's glorious standard), whether in thought, word, or deed. One of the things that gives unrighteous judgment its power is the ability I have as a fallen human to think you are worse than I am--and that what's easy for me should be easy for you. That puts me above you (though falsely), and causes compassion and its resulting acts of mercy to elude me.

One of the ways to get to humility and compassion is to meditate on the Law of God and its relation to me, asking God to make it real to my heart. James 2:10,12-13 NIV says regarding that subject, 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

I want mercy to triumph over judgment in my life, and in everyone's life. That is God's heart. I admit I don't feel it when I'm hurting or angry, but I still want the work to be done inside of me that will get me back to that position. I will further add, if mercy doesn't triumph over judgment in thought, word, and deed, how is Christianity any different than any other religion?

I Love Weekends

2006-03-04T11:30:00.000-05:00

This being Saturday morning, it seems a good time to count one of my blessings--weekends where I have no set schedule for at least part of the time. Yes, there are things I could be doing to fill it up, like the ever-present organizing I seem to always be faced with. (By the way, anyone who believes things evolve only has to look at home organization and maintenance to know that isn't true! Anything left to itself devolves--at least in my experience. Maybe that is a thought for another day. Now back to the subject at hand.) Yes, I do have people to talk to, and other things to follow up on, but not now. Not in my free time.

So what do I do with my free time? The answer is, anything I want that builds my relationship with God, nourishes my soul and/or develops me. Spending time with God, whether it is just being quiet in His presence enjoying His company, or praying, or worshipping, or reading what He has had written, or prayer-journaling is a good thing for starters. Then I like to explore good poetry that nourishes me, or Thomas Kincaide books, or even big travel coffeetable books (I like one I was given about Chicago from the Air). Sometimes I write poetry--or articles or Bible studies.

Sometimes I like to study some subject I've been meaning to get to--anything from how to get a different color background on my blog (Micah said to start with a Google search) or learning how to use Microsoft Excel to reading business biographies and exploring Christian (and otherwise) novels with unusual themes. All these things help me broaden my experience or see life from different viewpoints and prayerfully (I always like to consider my new learnings from God's perspective) stretch myself.

Other times I like to take a walk (with or without my CD walkman from Micah) or watch movies (I got quite a few from the Half Price Bookstore in their clearance section for $1-$2 apiece) that expand my world or are just plain fun. Sometimes I like to spend my free time browsing through home decorating books (an interest I've developed in the last four years) and follow that up by going with Micah to decorator showhouses and Red Lobster restaurant and Goodwill (where I look for my kind of articles for decorating with). We've done that two or three times in the last couple years, and it has been so much fun.

Whatever I do, I try to guard my free time. I have found that wise use of it enables me to be a better worker during the week. If I enrich myself and encourage myself in God, I find I have a lot more to give to others when I serve through my work or other involvements. (Through experience I have also found that mindless watching of TV depletes me rather than energizes and renews me, and I find my next week can be harder if I make poor choices during my free time.)

Lord, thank You for free time. Thank You that I can sometimes wake up late on Saturday morning, leisurely stretch and know that I have nothing particular on the agenda. Thank You that I have a relationship with You that grows as I make it a priority. Thank You that You want me to know You and enjoy Your world.

Thank You that I have the books (and library) available with which to explore new ideas, and a computer from which I can learn all sorts of good things. Thank You for feet, eyes, ears, and a heart to explore Your world. Thank You for my brain under-Your-influence to process things with. Thank You for hands and the ability to create and express what I'm learning. Thank You for friends and family whom You've placed in my life who care to hear how I'm growing and pray for and encourage me when I'm not.

Thank You for all the things You have put in this world that make life fun. Please continue to teach me not to abuse even good things, to stay (or get) in balance, and how to live my life knowing it comes from You, and I choose to live it in You, and it goes back to You. I love You. Barb

Blogs--What and Why

2006-02-28T22:30:00.000-05:00

I hate trendy things, until I get used to them or understand them. And if truth be told, I don't go out of my way to understand them--unless people I know and love get involved with them or I have some other personal reason that jumpstarts my curiosity. So when a couple of my guys got interested in blogs, the process began.

"Blogs" went from an extremely annoying word I read on a page somewhere more and more often, to a word I needed to understand. I actually thought it was a very stupid word--till I found out more about it. I even went so far as to ask (once I found out what it meant) a good 23 year old friend and her boyfriend if they knew what the word meant--not just what it is, but what the word itself meant. They didn't, but they had heard of the concept and told me a sad but not-so-bizarre-today story they'd heard about a married couple who was so busy that the only way they ever communicated was by reading each other's blog. (That, my friends, is to me an over-use of blogs, and a misuse of life--but that's perhaps another story.)

I don't want to be remiss here. Just in case you've stumbled on this blog, have your own blog, or your kids, parents (it could happen!) or friends have a blog, what the word itself means is "web log." It is shorthand for a log or journal written on the world wide web instead of paper.When I first heard about blogs before looking at them (the very first one I laid eyes on was my son's), I thought that was a stupid idea. We already have web sites--why do we need another medium of expression? But once I understood that you could simply write your thoughts on anything day by day and the last would appear first, that held appeal for me. Then I started reading my son's and those of his friends, and I got it.

A blog can be whatever I want it to be. It can be a place to post opinions which may start give-and-take discussion, talk about hobbies, journal through challenges and get feedback, or just express how great (or bad) a day I had. I'm looking forward to having fun, sharpening my communication skills, and learning and growing. The only things I can think of right now that I don't want to do with a blog are use it as a way of avoiding "real-time" relationships, disrespect others even by implication, or express opinions I'd be too timid to express in person. I want to be the same person online that I am offline. Here's to another experience with computers that adds to my already interesting life!

Feelings, Feelings, Feelings!!! (Part 1 of ?)

2006-02-26T11:15:00.000-05:00

I set up this blog in January, expecting to begin posting right away. Then absolutely nothing came to mind to write about. I kept checking in periodically for some inspiration. Zilch, nada, zip...still nothing. All of a sudden, walking home from work on Thursday (a nice, sunny, breezy 50-degree February day--yes, February--in Indiana, but that's not today's subject), it hit me. Due to some posts on some other blogs, I got to thinking about feelings, and the people (hopefully all of us) who have them.

Some people generally have an optimistic outlook (sunny personalities, sanguine, extrovert--whatever you want to call them), and others seem their polar-opposites--these lean toward a negative outlook (melancholy personalities, sensitive, feeling, intuitive, etc--you get the picture). Sometimes the "eternally sunnies" don't get the "intuitive melancholies." They think they spend entirely too much time on how they feel if it isn't "good." However, the "intuitive melancholies" sometimes think the "eternally sunnies" are unrealistic and pollyanna-ish. Both sides have the potential of being intolerant, and the "melancholies" can quite easily get hurt or offended by the seeming disdain or scorn of the "sunnies." (I know, because I confess, I'm a "melancholy"--though a "recovering one.") The "sunnies," on the other hand, seem to have little patience (or use) for the "melancholies."

The problem with the above attitudes is, if we all retire to our own corners licking our wounds no one will learn anything. So what's the deal? From where I stand, I think both sides can learn a lot from one another. Being a Christian, I believe God made all the personality types, and His purpose is to allow us all to bump against each other (you know, like those bumper cars in the amusement park) so we can rub off our rough edges (the emphasis here is we can rub off our rough edges--not everybody else's, though that may happen, too!). Polar opposites can become balanced as they hang in with the process.

If we would begin to understand the purpose for feelings, we would be on our way to a mutual appreciation of our personality opposite as well as ourselves. Just as we have physical pain sensors to tell us of problems we need to address, so we have "emotional sensors." This early warning system tells us when all is not well in the emotional realm. If we ignore it, we can't deal with our problems and things get worse, but if we spend too much time thinking about our feelings, they eat us up.

The problem is that we are not perfect people living in a perfect world, and because there is this thing called "sin" (a subject for another time), our "emotional sensors" or feelings aren't 100% accurate. Even if we supposed they were, we don't necessarily deal with them in a perfect manner. Research says if we stuff them, we can get physically ill, while even the newspapers tell us if we express them or hold on to them they can poison us or get us into other trouble.

So what do we do with feelings? As a Christian, I have learned to deal with them by acknowledging them and taking them to the One Who created me and my feelings in the first place. (In all honesty, I never did well when I was trying to deal with them before I got to know the Lord...I had a "nervous breakdown," used drugs, abused alcohol and tried to commit suicide three times.) In the past 30 years, however, I have had lots of things happen that have given me lots of feelings, and I have found if I don't hold on to my "right" to keep them and let them destroy me piece by piece, God has a good exchange program going. He says he will give me beauty for ashes--that means I can learn something in the process and come out without a load of bitterness besides. I like that deal.

I've learned that once I give my feelings to God, I can learn from "sunnies" to enjoy life in the meantime. If I am in the "beauty for ashes exchange process," I don't have to sit around depressed till I "feel" better. The feelings did what they were supposed to do, and now I can go on, trusting I will feel better later. I think "sunnies" can learn from "melancholies" also. They can experience more growth if they fully pay attention to their feelings and enroll in the "exchange program" before they go back to being "sunny."

If both sides will decide to learn from the other, I believe "sunnies" will become people of more depth, able to comfort and encourage others with more compassion and understanding (without encouraging self-pity). "Melancholies," on the other hand will learn how to keep feelings from consuming them and causing an unhealthy self-preoccupation that keeps them from reaching out to others. Their sensitivity can be harnessed and used if they hang around maturing "sunnies," and all will grow. Uh oh, did I just sound like a "sunny?" Hmmmm...