Barb's Space

Observations about life, family, church...anything else that is on my mind from the perspective that God rules, no matter what

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Location: Indianapolis, IN, United States

I am a 66 year young woman who has changed much in the last few years. I'm single again. I changed jobs twice (learned new skills), had a serious stroke in 2008, "retired" and after getting better started taking up new interests, and am continuing to get more fit. Some things have matured. I've enjoyed watching my three guys grow into men I respect and am proud of. One waited 11 years to have his first birth child. Today I'm a grandma of six (four boys and 2 girls between two families) with a third girl on the way. I have learned to love Jesus even more, and I have regained my sense of adventure. Someone said, "The best is yet to be."--I believe it, if I keep an open mind and heart and keep growing and walking with God.

Monday, December 17, 2012

What Word Is God Giving You?

The word I'm getting for this season is, "LISTEN." I am now restored enough to know when I'm hearing His voice, and I know He wants to speak.

After my run-in with a stroke over 4 years ago, it was hard, sometimes nearly impossible to fellowship with my Lord. I was hurt physically (my speech, driving, typing, eating, swallowing, and right side were all affected and are still healing), mentally (my comprehension and retention speed are still being reworked), emotionally (lost my sense of humor, my sense of self and felt totally worthless-getting healed more here too), financially (am still on temporary(?) disability with a very low income) and spiritually (I believe totally in divine healing and divine health--how could this happen? and what am I doing wrong?). 

My biggest obstacle with the Lord was feeling betrayed. I also felt I didn't have faith for healing after the stroke. My blood pressure took a couple years to stabilize, and I would wake up in the middle of the night wondering if I was dying. Fear filled my heart over anything and everything. I didn't know if I'd ever speak intelligibly again, or be able to write blog articles or work on computer in general. I started with 1 or 2-line sentences, staying at that level for over a year. I had no idea if I'd ever drive again. (I do in a limited fashion now and there continue slowly to be little improvements.)

It has taken all this time for my faith to rise. The good news for me and for all of us who are trying to touch the hem of Jesus' garment, is that my God has been working on my behalf even when I felt faithless. If my healing depended on faith actions all along the way, I'd be much less healed now than I am.

Now I'm beginning to rise up, but it truly is God who is at work in me (us) to will and to do of His good pleasure. The healing that's continuing to come is truly of Him and I could not and can not MAKE it happen. Any healing I (or any of us) receive is for His purposes in the earth. So, it isn't, "This should have happened <i>by now</i>, but <i>by faith</i>--first by the faith of Father God, and as we get better, by our  faith echoing His will cause what He wants in our lives to bring more of His will on earth as it is in heaven.

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