From Forgiveness to Restoration

On January 27, 2010 I wrote an article called "Forgiveness Triumphs." Ever since, I have continued to follow the story about Ted and Gayle Haggard and their new work, St. James Church. Finally, I got Gayle's book, Why I Stayed last week from the library. It answered a lot of questions I had and filled in a lot of holes in the story. I believe it is right on target.

Like Gayle, early in my Christian walk I was taught that when ministers fell they could not be restored to ministry because of scriptures such as I Timothy 3:1-7. But as I look at those verses, if you take them without grace, no one could ever minister, for who never has any wrong attitudes?

When a minister falls though, there does have to be repentance and restoration, or the Christian walk becomes a mockery. God does deal with sin in ministry more severely than in the body because leaders are the example to the rest of us. But having said all that, ministers who repent need to have a way back--and who better to help them than those who know and love them? To be isolated from everyone adds unneeded punishment to the discipline God intended. From what I see in the Word, isolation is only for the unrepentant to bring them to that place of godly sorrow for the sin, not just sadness and embarrassment for being found out.

What must a repentant person needing restoration have? He needs friends who already know him and love him to hold him accountable by relationship, not legalism, for it is not just wrong actions being dealt with but also the attitudes that preceded those actions. Friends and family are the best people to help here. I have heard and believe that often the mate is the one who knows best how and if their spouse is walking out his/her repentance.

If all this is so, what does restoration look like? First of all, restoration is a process to be directed by the Spirit of God. He's the One Who brought the sin out into the open in the first place, and only He can restore. So we need to have God involved in every part of restoration. This is His son/daughter He is dealing with, and everyone else needs to cooperate with Him.

How do we know the leader won't fall into the same sin or worse if the discipline is removed? We don't, but that isn't our problem. We just need to cooperate with God's plan for the individual, and the results are His. We need to trust Him. Anything else is operating in fear and punishment and will bring more hurt and pain to all those already wounded.

What will the end of restoration bring? It depends on God's plan for the person. The ones I am speaking of in this article may go back into ministry, having learned a whole lot about themselves, their sin, and human nature as it comes into contact with the grace of God. They will be better for the experience, as will those who receive them. Their ministry may look similar to what it was like before they fell, especially if most of what they did was birthed of God to begin with. These leaders will be much more compassionate than they were previously, however, having just met the God of grace in a deeper way than before. Their Christianity will be more vibrant, alive and accessible to those who know they too sin. Isn't this what we want?

There is another question here, however. Why is this kind of forgiveness and restoration so hard for the Body of Christ to understand and implement? That is a subject for another day.

Moving into God's Purposes

We have been coming into a deeper season in our church life over the past couple years. God is continuing to show us we can't go it alone without Him and each other on a daily basis. He did not save us and then leave us alone to muddle through life any more than He created the world and then let it run itself. No, He is a very personal God who wants to be our continual answer, not just our eventual answer. He gave me a poem that started during Sunday's message concerning our lives in Him.

MOVING INTO GOD'S PURPOSES
by Barb Irwin
c Mon, Feb 20, 2012

Father, You gave me salvation--
Jesus, mine before creation.
Since I've received Your life in me
I can choose to learn to live free.

Because You love me from Your heart,
You draw me, ask me to come apart.
If I obey, I hear You say
You'll help me change my life today.

For on my own I am a mess;
Though saved, I can't live in Your rest.
You want to freely give me life,
Help me change wrong choices and strife.

I need not stay in fear or rage--
You'll help me change my sin-filled ways.
Believing lies that seem so true
Does not reflect my life in You.

As Your truth and love work in me
My life looks more like Your story.
Reflecting more of Your great heart,
More of Your kingdom I impart.

This kingdom full of truth and cheer
Will remove others' shame and fear.
More of Your life spreads to others
Giving You more sons and daughters.

This is Your immediate plan--
You have ransomed the world of man,
Brought us back from self and sin
To Your great heart where life begins.

July 2011 till February 2012

Last time I wrote was about seven months ago. I have continued slowly progressing from the stroke since then. No, I'm still not where I want to be, but I continue getting better. I want to share a little of these past months with you.

In October 2011, friends who love me sent me on vacation. Actually, the wife and I went together. We went to a place I'd never been and might never get to otherwise: Seattle, WA. I have a nephew there who lost his wife a year and three months previously (two years ago this coming July), and I wanted to know how he was doing and see the sights. My friend's daughter-in-law's family also lives there and she wanted to see them. We had a wonderful trip--pictures are on my face book page. I know I'll never forget it, and I'm very thankful. In addition, I realized after the trip how far I'd come since the stroke, and how I still need friends. I couldn't have taken the trip alone, and I couldn't have gone at all much earlier. Plus Brenda and I get along very well together. God's timing is perfect This shows me again that He's never too early or too late.

Also we had another milestone at the end of December 2011. My son Jonathan and his wife Anne had a baby--Logan Christopher Irwin (again, pictures are on my page). This is a biggie for me because they have waited over ten years for this and because I've had a hard time bonding with babies since I lost my last two children years ago. Needless to say, I see him as often as I can!

I have noticed my voice getting stronger more consistently this winter; also. I am involved with our Celebrate Recovery group at church and am starting to train for leadership there. Training takes a year and so I have some time to work it out. On to continued growth as my Lord helps and heals me!

Progressing...

I am still growing and changing since the stroke. In April I told some friends that I thought I had gone backwards over the winter, and one who prays and has a prophetic gift said that Jesus had it under control and that I was getting ready for a big leap forward. It is sometimes hard for me to wait and rest in the Lord when things seem to move at a snail's pace, but I'm learning.

So it should have been no surprise when in mid-May I found myself able to do something I haven't been able to do since before the stroke. I woke up one morning able to and wanting to organize and settle my home. That may seem ho-hum and ordinary, but it is huge for me now. When my guys moved me here, they put out the rudimentary things, but the rest remained stored in boxes in my spare room. I often thought of going through those boxes; however the task not only seemed overwhelming, but also incomprehensible. I don't know how to completely explain what happened in the stroke, but that area of comprehension is finally coming back. I'm not done organizing yet, but I've gotten rid of some things and put others in place. I've also been able to climb on a step stool again, and even hang a couple pictures by myself.

I have wanted to reread some decorating books I got years ago at the half price bookstore, as well. I'd thought of getting rid of them because they were incomprehensible to me, but all of a sudden I understood them again.

I now am also getting more comfortable with grocery shopping. I've been doing it for a year and a half or so, but it was very hard for a long time. Now I can make a list of more than seven items and even use the self checkout or go to a cashier and pay without taking what seems to me like forever. It's not like it used to be, but I have hope it can keep improving.

My typing is getting better--faster and with fewer mistakes than before, at least at times. I'm starting to play a few computer games to work on eye-hand coordination as well, and to play solitaire with a deck of cards from time to time to work on dexterity. Also, my driving is still slowly coming along. At least I'm no longer running up on islands at the gas station, and I can put in gas with less trouble. Oh, I also am washing dishes more. Laundry is still a challenge, as I have to drive to get there to do it, but it's possible.

So, though things are not happening at my desired pace, they are happening. Thank you all for your continued prayers on my behalf. Love in Jesus, Barb

The Best Adventures...

My son Micah has been wanting to get away from the snow and cold for a few weeks now, and he finally escaped! He just took off over the weekend and flew to California. He rented a car, is in Long Beach right now and will be driving up to Seattle where his cousin lives starting tomorrow. He really likes new adventures, and just decided to make one.

I found this out when I called to tell him I love him and to wish him a good day. Micah said to me a few months ago that he's concerned that I may get to the end of my life and regret that I didn't do more. That started me thinking a lot.

Yes, I really enjoy travel. I have not had much money over the course of my life, but I have traveled at different times. I haven't gone anywhere of note since my stroke 2 1/2 years ago. I also don't try ice skating, or do much in the way of other types of good times like bowling, etc. So, am I going to regret that I didn't do more?

Maybe, but that is not where my best adventures lie. I do still have adventures, but they look different. I have had to rethink what I enjoy most, and what I enjoy most are my adventures in the Lord. What I mean by that is I ask Him who to talk to and what to pray about. In doing that, at times the Lord has sent me to see friends in other parts of the state, or down in Florida, Georgia, Kentucky and Tennessee.

He sent me into a homeless shelter where I lived and worked as receptionist, evening guard/helper and Bible Study leader for a few months. I got to meet many interesting courageous women.

I got to watch as churches died, and I am now getting to watch one going into revival/reformation. I am seeing people come out of all sorts of addictions into freedom (the first person I saw and am still seeing is myself).

I have been led to minister to a family who was abused, and to someone after her abusive ex-husband died for a short season while she and her children were putting their lives back together.

The Lord allowed me to minister to a husband and wife when he came out of jail and their church wouldn't talk to him because of the nature of the crime.

There have been many such adventures so far, and I expect many more. Will there be things in this life that I would like to do that I won't do? Quite possibly. But for me, the adventure of following wherever the Lord leads is the best one, and I will never regret that. Anything else the Lord allows is just icing on the cake.

Weddings

Ten years ago in March 2000 we had wedding #1. Our oldest, Jonathan said, "I do," to his bride, Anne. They have been through a lot, and we found out nearly a month ago that they are expecting. It is very good news as they have been trying for a long time.

On May 15, 2010, our second son got married. He is 30 and she is 25 or 26. Already their union has required excellent communication skills and a willingness to find out what's best for both of them. It is going to continue to require that kind of dedication to make this work, but they both want it to, and are saying it is worth the effort. I love them both, and pray for God's best and for them to continue to give their best.

New Beginnings

Today is another new beginning. I have been in a funk for months, and a partial funk for some years, but I am waking up again. I got so tired of hurting and being scared and angry that I had to find a way to begin again. I choose to live, love, create, grow and be joyful.

To get here, however, I've had to revisit the painful areas of my life. It is rather like having a broken leg that healed wrong. It has to be rebroken and set to heal correctly. It's not fun, but very necessary. Without this and continuing work I would end up old (a state of mind, not body--I will get older, but I don't have to act old), and bitter and permanently burnt out.


How did I get to this place? By living life. But I am not alone. There is not one of us who has not been hurt and banged up in life. It is the human condition. The question is, what are we going to do about it? Are we going to stay in denial, or are we going to allow ourselves to heal so we can go back to growing and being productive and joyful (or maybe doing those things for the first time in our lives)? It is our choice.


The path to growth and healing is very individualized, for we are not clones. Each of us has different needs and wants to grow in different areas. What are your areas? I would love to hear about your life. You have read quite a bit about mine if you have read this blog over the years. If you would like to share about you with me or hear more about my path to healing, please email me at


capturedbygrace777@gmail.com


and I will listen to you and share more. I am not a sales person, and this is not a sales pitch. I am interested in all of us living in a way that makes us glad at the end of our lives that we were here. I care that we live and don't just exist--we all have so much to give and be, if we will only let ourselves. In the meantime, God bless your week with His peace, love, hope and joy.

Forgiveness Triumphs

I watched part of the Today Show this morning, and saw Gayle Haggard, wife of former New Life Church megachurch pastor Ted Haggard being interviewed. It actually was a very good interview. She just wrote a book called Why I Stayed, which speaks about her choice of forgiveness for her husband.

It reminds me of something our pastor read to us in prayer meeting a few weeks back. It was in a book by Danny Silk entitled Culture of Honor. Danny said that if we are going to be a healing, restoring church we will take each case needing healing and restoration very individually. He spoke of a music minister who committed adultery. This man was a very anointed minister and was bringing much to his church. When he was asked why he had done this thing, he said he didn't know. Those over him said there had to be a reason, and it eventually came to light that he had been able to express his love for the Lord in worship in front of thousands, but had never been able to say he loved his family members. He wasn't able to love anyone who was imperfect. When that and the reason for that were dealt with, he could give and receive true love in his family and started doing so. He totally repented for the adultery, and is now in an accountability relationship, and bearing fruit while ministering again.


Some would say that man would need more discipline and time before he could minister again. But is that true? How long does it take to repent for something and start to walk in that repentance? Isn't that the goal of church discipline? The Matthew 18 pattern for church discipline mentions taking sin before the whole body only when every other means of dealing with it has been exhausted. Sin should be dealt with only within the sphere where it happened if possible.

Repentance isn't just words, but there won't be repentance if the root cause isn't discovered and dealt with. Too often the body of Christ deals with the fruit of sin and doesn't find the root. This almost guarantees a recurrance. If the man is really in an accountability relationship, being honest and vulnerable now, that will take care of things for the future. 


As human beings, however, we want our pound of flesh. We say we want restoration, but we really almost instinctively want to make the one who hurt us pay first. That is not God's way. He wants relationship with us so much that Jesus died and took the penalty for our sin to make that possible. Should we make others pay more than God does? How much have we been forgiven, and should not that same forgiveness be offered to our leaders and others?


That is what Gayle Haggard is saying, I believe. I googled her and went to their website and read their statement. I believe forgiveness is definitely in order. The body of Christ dropped the ball in this situation as much as Ted Haggard. I further believe that if we can't learn this lesson, we will continue to lose some of our best people, for the enemy doesn't play fair and will exploit any weakness, especially in those who are mightily used in God's kingdom. Let the one who has not sinned throw the first stone.

Something from Nothing

I was just reading about a church in Haiti that lost their building in the earthquake. The people are living in tents, and have little to no food. Yet the pastor is essentially telling them when they have no food, the Word of God is a feast, and when they have no water, there is Living Water. He is telling the people they can still be happy with the joy of Jesus.

Does that sound ridiculous? To some people, maybe. But to others of us it sounds like the kind of faith God wants us to have. It is something I haven't attained yet, but I am working toward it. How do I work toward it? By working more to know my Lord's love for me. That's where all the answers are.

Everything good in life comes from God and the more I know Him the more I can receive from Him in the physical and spiritual realm. I am praying for those (and all) Haitians, but I believe they have a very good deal, if they can but see it as an opportunity. As they look to God during this time, I believe He will give them an abundance of spiritual food, and what they need physically. My Bible says that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, and mount up with wings as eagles, that they will run and not be weary and walk and not faint. I look to see miracles for them in days ahead.

Meanwhile, I am working on trusting God a year and a half after a stroke while I am still recovering. He is working on helping me see where He was during some memories--He had to be there. He knew me before the foundation of the world and He says He will never leave me or forsake me. I just need to know where He was and what He was doing during those times. Even before I know I need to trust Him.

I pray in the coming days we can all grow to know the Lord more. It will help us trust Him in days ahead, will enrich our lives and can help bring others to Him.

Abuse or God's Love?

What is abuse? Abuse is the wrongful use of things or the use of people. People are created to have relationships, not to be used to get our needs or desires met. In the process of relating, some of our needs and desires can and will be met, but that cannot be our primary purpose. As soon as it becomes so, we will manipulate and do things to get what we want, think we need, or legitimately do need.


Our source for getting our needs and desires met must be God, our heavenly Father. If we trust Him to provide for us, that leaves us free to relate to people, be they husbands, wives, friends, co-workers or others we meet.


The Bible tells us something about this: James 3:13-18 NIV says: 13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. 


In other words, if we have God's desires in mind for relationships we will want the best for others. That can't happen, however, unless we get our own needs met. God didn't make us to be unfulfilled. He made us for the purpose of fellowship and to find our fulfillment in Him. Only when we do, can we walk in the heavenly wisdom described above with others.


This is one reason why telling a wife to submit more doesn't work. Her needs aren't being met. Until they are, she has nothing to give. Also, if "submitting" more makes a woman less of a person, this grieves God. Relationships can't work from emptiness, but from fullness. When we receive from God we have what He has given us to share with others, so that hopefully they might want to come to Him as well.
Wanting the best for others sometimes means not being around them, if their heart is to use/abuse. Why? We are helping them sin against God, themselves and others. That is enabling, and it never helps. When the person wants to change, his/her heart gets softer and we won't hurt them by being with them. Until that time God will see to it that others come into their lives--others who will also offer the gift of change. Because God wants to help them, they will never be totally alone, even if it seems they are. He will be right there.



Abuse is very common because we don't understand the kind of love God wants us to love with. As we are closer to Him, our love becomes more like His and our relationships get better even when they look worse. I am looking forward to receiving and giving more of His love in days to come. Are you?