One of my sons read my last blog posting about changes and he had a few comments. Always my optimist, his viewpoint was interesting. His comment concerned our outlook on life. He never realized that my feeling of not deserving anything good started in childhood. That being the case, he knows it is taking some time and persistence to change it. He also said that he remembers me questioning him as a young teen one day when he said, "Well you know, all things work together for good to those who love God." I asked him if he really believed it, and he said yes, because God said it.
Now, I've been a Christian for 38 years, and I'm still coming to feel that truth. I've known it and even seen it work to some degree in my life. Though it has been in my mind, I haven't had that truth deeply embedded in my heart. That is so very important because I keep having more history added to my life every day and I never want to end up a bitter old lady, which is what will happen if my heart can't more fully grasp God's truth.
We also discussed the idea that outlook can make a big difference in how life happens. The Bible says it in Rom 12:2, telling us to let our minds be renewed so we can prove God's will. I am beginning to understand this to mean to let Him help me get rid of the untruths I've believed for years, and not just to begin wanting what He wants. It also alludes to that when it tells us to think on things that are good, lovely, and of good report in Phil 4:8, and when it tells us in Proverbs that as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. My son then said as an example that my husband's second wife has a little different outlook on life than I've had, and we are hoping that can help make their marriage go better. The difference is in her heart, not her head.
I am also thinking about the attitude I've carried over the years about this son's unshakable optimism. On the surface I have been irritated, wondering how it can be so easy for him to believe (he believes it's a combination of parenting and personality). What I have wanted to know is that his is not just cheerfulness and a positive view of life. I've been somewhat frightened--what will happen when he comes up against something in life that seems immovable? I don't want his faith to come crashing down. I mentioned this to him again, then realized aloud again that when faith is needed and works the most is when the chips are down.
Even though I'm battling with God over this, or maybe especially because of this battle, I believe God is working within me. He is working to make my faith more solid and real, based on Him alone and nothing else in my heart, not just my head. It's been slow going, but I choose to believe I will know more of God and His wonderful love when I come through this.
I pray the same for you. Battling with God is not wrong--He would much rather we battle with Him than ignore Him. We can be changed through the battle and know Him in new and deeper ways. That's what I want from my battle scars. Do you? On His part, God is often allowing us experiences designed to bring us into and through battle. The question is, will we engage? My answer is a hesitant yes. What about you?
2 comments:
A thought... if you're talking about your youngest son, I might say: He's faced his own battles. He's battled long and hard, and he's come out victorious, because he trusted so completely in what God said.
I love that -- "Because God said it". How many times has he expressed that same sentiment, just in different words? I don't know if I ever have, but I want to thank you, because you did play a part in his outlook in life, and it has repeatedly been a blessing in my own. So thank you.
You're welcome, and I know he's battled and still does, and I'm so glad for the victories in his life. He is an encouragement to many of us.
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