What is abuse? Abuse is the wrongful use of things or the use of people. People are created to have relationships, not to be used to get our needs or desires met. In the process of relating, some of our needs and desires can and will be met, but that cannot be our primary purpose. As soon as it becomes so, we will manipulate and do things to get what we want, think we need, or legitimately do need.
Our source for getting our needs and desires met must be God, our heavenly Father. If we trust Him to provide for us, that leaves us free to relate to people, be they husbands, wives, friends, co-workers or others we meet.
The Bible tells us something about this: James 3:13-18 NIV says: 13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
In other words, if we have God's desires in mind for relationships we will want the best for others. That can't happen, however, unless we get our own needs met. God didn't make us to be unfulfilled. He made us for the purpose of fellowship and to find our fulfillment in Him. Only when we do, can we walk in the heavenly wisdom described above with others.
This is one reason why telling a wife to submit more doesn't work. Her needs aren't being met. Until they are, she has nothing to give. Also, if "submitting" more makes a woman less of a person, this grieves God. Relationships can't work from emptiness, but from fullness. When we receive from God we have what He has given us to share with others, so that hopefully they might want to come to Him as well.
Wanting the best for others sometimes means not being around them, if their heart is to use/abuse. Why? We are helping them sin against God, themselves and others. That is enabling, and it never helps. When the person wants to change, his/her heart gets softer and we won't hurt them by being with them. Until that time God will see to it that others come into their lives--others who will also offer the gift of change. Because God wants to help them, they will never be totally alone, even if it seems they are. He will be right there.
Abuse is very common because we don't understand the kind of love God wants us to love with. As we are closer to Him, our love becomes more like His and our relationships get better even when they look worse. I am looking forward to receiving and giving more of His love in days to come. Are you?
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Friday, January 08, 2010
Domestic Abuse: Making Marriage Safe
I want to talk for a few minutes about a couple subjects that are very dear to my heart--domestic abuse, and the other side, making marriage safe. First I'll start with domestic abuse. It is not an uncommon problem in today's world, even among people who are in church. When left unaddressed it destroys homes and families, and it is unaddressed even more often in the church than in the world.
The church often doesn't want to talk about abuse because we don't want to believe it's happening among us. We're Christians, after all. We are supposed to have good marriages.
Saying that doesn't make it so, however. We came out of the world, but we often don't know how to walk in God's kingdom. Many of us don't know how to make or live in a culture of honor and respect. Hurt, fearful and/or angry from our past, we don't know how to get rid of those things, and so they carry on in our families.
Some of us (including leaders' wives) have been able to limp along for years with physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse. We can excuse it by saying that isn't what this is. That is what happens in other families. What we are experiencing is caused by stress, job loss, illness, whatever, and will get better as we get a handle on the problem. But it never does get better for very long. There is always a new trigger, and the cycle continues month after month, then year after year.
A few churches try to deal with the problem by using "wife submit" scriptures, saying that if wives did this right, there wouldn't be a problem. But that doesn't take care of the sin in the human heart, and it puts the blame for the problem only on the wife. What she is guilty of is usually not lack of submission, but lack of self-respect. If she can't honor and respect the person God made her to be, it won't help bring needed change. Living in fear will not cause things to get better, either.
For the church to deal with this problem and make marriages safe, we must become what my pastor calls a kingdom culture, with honor and respect for each other and ourselves. We are created in God's image and He has a plan for each of us. The church must believe this--and also believe that God has provided a way for us fallen creatures not only to be redeemed, but to be transformed. Transformation comes through consistent honesty, truth, and mercy. That makes a safe environment in which to work on our stuff.
As the church, we must also realize that all of us have stuff to work on. If we don't understand that, we will see ourselves as better than others, including our mates. No one fully walks in the righteousness of Christ, and if we try to deal with the problem of abuse without knowing that, we almost certainly doom troubled marriages.
I pray that in this year the body of Christ become a safe place to heal and be transformed. If you have been abused or if you are an abuser, I pray you can find a safe place to change. God loves you, and He has good plans for your life if you'll walk with Him in this.
If you need an online place to look for help, try Focus Ministries at http://www.focusministries1.org/
(just copy and paste in the address bar and push GO or whatever your browser says) or write me back. I pray God bless us and help us become more of who He created us to be as individuals and as the body of Christ in 2010.
The church often doesn't want to talk about abuse because we don't want to believe it's happening among us. We're Christians, after all. We are supposed to have good marriages.
Saying that doesn't make it so, however. We came out of the world, but we often don't know how to walk in God's kingdom. Many of us don't know how to make or live in a culture of honor and respect. Hurt, fearful and/or angry from our past, we don't know how to get rid of those things, and so they carry on in our families.
Some of us (including leaders' wives) have been able to limp along for years with physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse. We can excuse it by saying that isn't what this is. That is what happens in other families. What we are experiencing is caused by stress, job loss, illness, whatever, and will get better as we get a handle on the problem. But it never does get better for very long. There is always a new trigger, and the cycle continues month after month, then year after year.
A few churches try to deal with the problem by using "wife submit" scriptures, saying that if wives did this right, there wouldn't be a problem. But that doesn't take care of the sin in the human heart, and it puts the blame for the problem only on the wife. What she is guilty of is usually not lack of submission, but lack of self-respect. If she can't honor and respect the person God made her to be, it won't help bring needed change. Living in fear will not cause things to get better, either.
For the church to deal with this problem and make marriages safe, we must become what my pastor calls a kingdom culture, with honor and respect for each other and ourselves. We are created in God's image and He has a plan for each of us. The church must believe this--and also believe that God has provided a way for us fallen creatures not only to be redeemed, but to be transformed. Transformation comes through consistent honesty, truth, and mercy. That makes a safe environment in which to work on our stuff.
As the church, we must also realize that all of us have stuff to work on. If we don't understand that, we will see ourselves as better than others, including our mates. No one fully walks in the righteousness of Christ, and if we try to deal with the problem of abuse without knowing that, we almost certainly doom troubled marriages.
I pray that in this year the body of Christ become a safe place to heal and be transformed. If you have been abused or if you are an abuser, I pray you can find a safe place to change. God loves you, and He has good plans for your life if you'll walk with Him in this.
If you need an online place to look for help, try Focus Ministries at http://www.focusministries1.org/
(just copy and paste in the address bar and push GO or whatever your browser says) or write me back. I pray God bless us and help us become more of who He created us to be as individuals and as the body of Christ in 2010.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Starbucks, Panera and Church
I have been thinking about this subject for a long time...at least four years. It all started with Graham Cooke, who is a minister (not one in the usual mold) from England. He has been used to shatter more of my "religiosity." He referred to Starbucks as "St. Arbucks," and said it was a very good place to meet with the Lord. ...I began to meditate on that during my many jaunts there.
For quite some time, I've liked taking books to Starbucks and sitting there for a few hours in the morning (starting 6 or 7am). I'm ready to leave by 11 or so, though, because it is so noisy. Then this winter (a couple years ago before the stroke), my son Micah and I went to a cozy all-night one to wait for a winter storm that never really panned out. Since neither of us had to get up early the next morning, we got there at 9pm and stayed till 1am, while playing some card games (Speed and another one). It was fun, and in between rounds we could talk and I could observe. The Thursday before, after a women's gathering I met Micah at the same one, that time for a 10pm-midnight stint, and the same things happened.
Also I expanded my "research" that winter to Panera, taking in my computer (thanks to the free wi-fi) and arranging counseling appointments there. I finally decided to "take the plunge" that January and stay all day, from about 6am till 8pm. No, they didn't throw me out--either time. I could sit on the side at a table for two near a wall plug and "compute" or observe or read or meet with people to my heart's content. I bought one small coffee and a bagel for under $3, and then a half sandwich (or other things) for under $3 and that would do me (since I could get coffee refills). I was set up for the day.
Why do people like such places so much? There is no agenda. You can go and be yourself without putting on an act. You can enjoy being alone or with others and it's informal. You can talk or not talk, meet friends, play games, work on computer, read the paper or a book, watch people, write.... It is what every church should be like. In fact, a lot of times I feel Panera and Starbucks are more the church than the church is.
...Now I am writing from today's perspective. I go to Starbucks or Panera to read at times (may start going back to write again) but I don't need it as much. Why? Because the Vineyard church I am in is working on becoming that kind of culture where we can just meet as people before God, without our masks. This is what will cause us to walk in more of God's grace, and to share more of His grace.
Do you want to live in a culture that is hospitable to the Kingdom of God? Find a church where the leadership nurtures that kind of thinking on an everyday basis, come to ours, or go to hang out regularly at Starbucks or Panera and see what happens when you purpose to live without a mask before God and people and invite and receive others who do so.
For quite some time, I've liked taking books to Starbucks and sitting there for a few hours in the morning (starting 6 or 7am). I'm ready to leave by 11 or so, though, because it is so noisy. Then this winter (a couple years ago before the stroke), my son Micah and I went to a cozy all-night one to wait for a winter storm that never really panned out. Since neither of us had to get up early the next morning, we got there at 9pm and stayed till 1am, while playing some card games (Speed and another one). It was fun, and in between rounds we could talk and I could observe. The Thursday before, after a women's gathering I met Micah at the same one, that time for a 10pm-midnight stint, and the same things happened.
Also I expanded my "research" that winter to Panera, taking in my computer (thanks to the free wi-fi) and arranging counseling appointments there. I finally decided to "take the plunge" that January and stay all day, from about 6am till 8pm. No, they didn't throw me out--either time. I could sit on the side at a table for two near a wall plug and "compute" or observe or read or meet with people to my heart's content. I bought one small coffee and a bagel for under $3, and then a half sandwich (or other things) for under $3 and that would do me (since I could get coffee refills). I was set up for the day.
Why do people like such places so much? There is no agenda. You can go and be yourself without putting on an act. You can enjoy being alone or with others and it's informal. You can talk or not talk, meet friends, play games, work on computer, read the paper or a book, watch people, write.... It is what every church should be like. In fact, a lot of times I feel Panera and Starbucks are more the church than the church is.
...Now I am writing from today's perspective. I go to Starbucks or Panera to read at times (may start going back to write again) but I don't need it as much. Why? Because the Vineyard church I am in is working on becoming that kind of culture where we can just meet as people before God, without our masks. This is what will cause us to walk in more of God's grace, and to share more of His grace.
Do you want to live in a culture that is hospitable to the Kingdom of God? Find a church where the leadership nurtures that kind of thinking on an everyday basis, come to ours, or go to hang out regularly at Starbucks or Panera and see what happens when you purpose to live without a mask before God and people and invite and receive others who do so.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
My Life: A Thumbnail Sketch
I wrote this for another reason, but it occurs to me that you know little about my life, so I thought I would share it here as well.
I was born in Kenmore, NY and lived near there in Tonawanda close to Buffalo, NY till I was twelve. That place had about 90 inches of snow a year. I loved it!! Then we moved to Buena Park, CA.
We were in CA for four years. Our family moved because my father pioneered new sales territories for his company, then gave them to someone less experienced once they were developed. I missed snow bigtime, but I really enjoyed my high school years there--I didn't have a lot of friends, but I had good ones.
(One amusing thing I found as we moved around was the difference in language between the east coast and the west coast. In New York we wore sneakers, but in California they were tennis shoes-while in Indiana they were either one. We carried bags of groceries in the east, while in the west and midwest we carried sacks, and lastly, we put our feet up on a hassock in the east, while we rested our feet on a footstool in the west and midwest. There were other differences, but I won't digress any more.)
After my sophomore year we moved to Indianapolis, IN. When we told people we were moving, everyone including me thought we were moving to a farming community. Not true--Indianapolis is a regular city right in the center of the state. The last of my high school years were spent in a rather elitist public high school that I didn't enjoy.
When I graduated I tried my hand at college in a small town (at that time) in southern IN on the Ohio River. I spent a year and a half all told on my formal higher education, studying philosophy, sociology, psychology and English composition (leaving the requirements for later, which may be why I didn't finish). Originally I planned to become an elementary school teacher, but there were too many already who were having a hard time finding jobs, so I didn't want to go there. Then I considered becoming a social worker, but there were already enough policies I knew I'd come in conflict with, so I decided that wouldn't work. Same with psychology.
After leaving school, I started as a mail room clerk for a retirement pension fund and worked there for three years. During this time I became a committed Christian, met my future husband, and got married in 1976 at age 25 to a social worker.
All I'm going to say is that it was a very rough marriage, but I now have three grown children who are wonderful men from that time. I separated for the second time in 1999 when they were almost grown, and he didn't want to work on the marriage and divorced me in 2004.
There have been many events during and since my marriage like an auto accident in 1983 where my father died and I lost a baby girl in the womb, a tornado in 2002 that destroyed much of my apartment complex but left my apartment intact (they closed the complex and I had to move), the time I visited some friends in Florida just as a hurricane hit (when I flew down I thought it would miss them, but it changed course), the year my apartment flooded at Christmas, and some other things, but why bore you with details? Life has been anything but dull, and it is still interesting today.
I wrote a web page for years until they shut down the free part of the site. Before too many more years pass, I am expecting to write for publication--I almost think I may have learned enough in life to have something to share :) . While still growing and changing, I'm looking to see where God and life take me next. I want to enjoy life and live it well because our lives are part of a whole story the Lord is writing and I want to read all of it some day.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Changes, Changes-Part 2
One of my sons read my last blog posting about changes and he had a few comments. Always my optimist, his viewpoint was interesting. His comment concerned our outlook on life. He never realized that my feeling of not deserving anything good started in childhood. That being the case, he knows it is taking some time and persistence to change it. He also said that he remembers me questioning him as a young teen one day when he said, "Well you know, all things work together for good to those who love God." I asked him if he really believed it, and he said yes, because God said it.
Now, I've been a Christian for 38 years, and I'm still coming to feel that truth. I've known it and even seen it work to some degree in my life. Though it has been in my mind, I haven't had that truth deeply embedded in my heart. That is so very important because I keep having more history added to my life every day and I never want to end up a bitter old lady, which is what will happen if my heart can't more fully grasp God's truth.
We also discussed the idea that outlook can make a big difference in how life happens. The Bible says it in Rom 12:2, telling us to let our minds be renewed so we can prove God's will. I am beginning to understand this to mean to let Him help me get rid of the untruths I've believed for years, and not just to begin wanting what He wants. It also alludes to that when it tells us to think on things that are good, lovely, and of good report in Phil 4:8, and when it tells us in Proverbs that as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. My son then said as an example that my husband's second wife has a little different outlook on life than I've had, and we are hoping that can help make their marriage go better. The difference is in her heart, not her head.
I am also thinking about the attitude I've carried over the years about this son's unshakable optimism. On the surface I have been irritated, wondering how it can be so easy for him to believe (he believes it's a combination of parenting and personality). What I have wanted to know is that his is not just cheerfulness and a positive view of life. I've been somewhat frightened--what will happen when he comes up against something in life that seems immovable? I don't want his faith to come crashing down. I mentioned this to him again, then realized aloud again that when faith is needed and works the most is when the chips are down.
Even though I'm battling with God over this, or maybe especially because of this battle, I believe God is working within me. He is working to make my faith more solid and real, based on Him alone and nothing else in my heart, not just my head. It's been slow going, but I choose to believe I will know more of God and His wonderful love when I come through this.
I pray the same for you. Battling with God is not wrong--He would much rather we battle with Him than ignore Him. We can be changed through the battle and know Him in new and deeper ways. That's what I want from my battle scars. Do you? On His part, God is often allowing us experiences designed to bring us into and through battle. The question is, will we engage? My answer is a hesitant yes. What about you?
Now, I've been a Christian for 38 years, and I'm still coming to feel that truth. I've known it and even seen it work to some degree in my life. Though it has been in my mind, I haven't had that truth deeply embedded in my heart. That is so very important because I keep having more history added to my life every day and I never want to end up a bitter old lady, which is what will happen if my heart can't more fully grasp God's truth.
We also discussed the idea that outlook can make a big difference in how life happens. The Bible says it in Rom 12:2, telling us to let our minds be renewed so we can prove God's will. I am beginning to understand this to mean to let Him help me get rid of the untruths I've believed for years, and not just to begin wanting what He wants. It also alludes to that when it tells us to think on things that are good, lovely, and of good report in Phil 4:8, and when it tells us in Proverbs that as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. My son then said as an example that my husband's second wife has a little different outlook on life than I've had, and we are hoping that can help make their marriage go better. The difference is in her heart, not her head.
I am also thinking about the attitude I've carried over the years about this son's unshakable optimism. On the surface I have been irritated, wondering how it can be so easy for him to believe (he believes it's a combination of parenting and personality). What I have wanted to know is that his is not just cheerfulness and a positive view of life. I've been somewhat frightened--what will happen when he comes up against something in life that seems immovable? I don't want his faith to come crashing down. I mentioned this to him again, then realized aloud again that when faith is needed and works the most is when the chips are down.
Even though I'm battling with God over this, or maybe especially because of this battle, I believe God is working within me. He is working to make my faith more solid and real, based on Him alone and nothing else in my heart, not just my head. It's been slow going, but I choose to believe I will know more of God and His wonderful love when I come through this.
I pray the same for you. Battling with God is not wrong--He would much rather we battle with Him than ignore Him. We can be changed through the battle and know Him in new and deeper ways. That's what I want from my battle scars. Do you? On His part, God is often allowing us experiences designed to bring us into and through battle. The question is, will we engage? My answer is a hesitant yes. What about you?
Friday, December 18, 2009
Changes. Changes-Part 1
On and off for the last few days I have been working at once in a while stuff--overhauling my privacy settings and the things I share on the net--and at getting involved in at least one new site. The one I'm trying is Classmates.com to see what will happen. My high school years weren't filled with friends, but I really remember a few of my classmates and I thought I would try to get in contact. I take the no-pay route, which is a little harder, but I am interested to see what if anything comes from it.
This past year has been really different. I have been working on getting rid of some attitudes that could only hold me back from a good future. That has been interesting, and I'm still working on it, but I can see some changes even now in my life. Going on Classmates is one change. I used to believe I didn't deserve much good. That thought is changing slowly. (It isn't a matter of what I deserve, but of what Jesus wants for me.) I have been a Christian for many years, but I am now learning more about God's love for me--that He loved me even before He created me and that His love for me could never stop. (I knew this intellectually, but now I'm experiencing it more.) I'm learning more about His forgiveness. (He provided complete forgiveness for everything in my past, present and future because He knows every sin I will commit, not only the ones I've already done; He died for every one of them.) It is helping me forgive others more and be willing to try new things. I'm learning how to walk with Him with less and less of a mask. (Since He really knows all my thoughts and feelings as well as my actions, why should I hide them? He loves me anyway, and can only change me if I'm honest.)
All of these new thoughts boggle my mind, but I'm exploring them in increasing depth and watching how many areas of my life and behavior toward my Lord and others are being touched. I can't forgive well if I don't feel forgiven, and I can't love others or God Himself with unconditional agape love until I have been immersed in it myself. I need more than a head knowledge of these things, and that experiential knowledge is growing to a new level in my life.
I am looking forward, albeit a little hesitantly, to the new year and what more realization will do for my life. God bless you as this year ends and the new one begins, with your first knowing of Him or a greater depth in His love, grace and mercy.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Humility-An Elusive but Vital Gift
Recently our pastor spoke on humility, which is one aspect of the culture needed in our body to see God's kingdom come and stay among us. He said it is elusive, because as soon as we think we have it we become proud of it and it's gone.
How true! The more I try to humble myself, the worse I get--more jealous, more competitive, more prideful, more self-pitying, more antagonistic against people when I should be against evil and for people.... My sin is so pervasive that it is wrapped in the very fiber of my being.
But something else is wrapped in the very fiber of my being since I received Jesus, and that something is grace. I was saved by grace (all I could do was receive it as a gift--that's why the song is called Amazing Grace), and I live by grace. Grace is what teaches my heart to fear and honor God and also teaches me not to fear man. Grace teaches me how to focus on God and what He is doing instead of on myself. I still have a lot to learn in this department, and the only way it works is through a moment by moment receiving of imparted grace.
Why do I prefer morality to grace so often? Morality is me improving myself--then I would earn my way to grace and the goodness of God. But the Bible (and my experience if I'll be honest) tells me I can't even obey without grace. Grace is the only thing that can ever keep me out of religion--away from rules that look good and Christian and separate me from people, because by following them that makes me automatically "better" than others.
In our Sunday morning Bible class, we are studying Habakkuk, which is one of the smallest Old Testament books--only three chapters. In Habakkuk, one of the things the Lord does is talk of the evil doings of the nation He is going to use to discipline Israel's sin. He says they are arrogant, that they have stolen the riches of other nations to build their own, and that they have enslaved the people of these nations to do the building for them. He also speaks of their idolatry. To do this kind of evil, the root seems to be pride. They think they are able to define their own gods rather than look to the one true God. They also think they can use things that are not theirs and can abuse people. Pride allowed them to see God, "things" and other people incorrectly.
Pride is also what allows me to have a wrong image of God, people and things that aren't mine. In different ways I use God, and abuse people and things. My sin looks different than that of others, but it's got the same character.
I think my pastor is right. He says that humility is achieved only as a byproduct of understanding, believing and marveling in the grace of God. and that the only way for things to get better is for us to preach the grace of God till humility just starts to grow in us. As we receive God's grace, we won't be able to do anything but share it. I wrote a poem for Christmas one year that goes along with this. I pray God bless it to you in Jesus' name.
How true! The more I try to humble myself, the worse I get--more jealous, more competitive, more prideful, more self-pitying, more antagonistic against people when I should be against evil and for people.... My sin is so pervasive that it is wrapped in the very fiber of my being.
But something else is wrapped in the very fiber of my being since I received Jesus, and that something is grace. I was saved by grace (all I could do was receive it as a gift--that's why the song is called Amazing Grace), and I live by grace. Grace is what teaches my heart to fear and honor God and also teaches me not to fear man. Grace teaches me how to focus on God and what He is doing instead of on myself. I still have a lot to learn in this department, and the only way it works is through a moment by moment receiving of imparted grace.
Why do I prefer morality to grace so often? Morality is me improving myself--then I would earn my way to grace and the goodness of God. But the Bible (and my experience if I'll be honest) tells me I can't even obey without grace. Grace is the only thing that can ever keep me out of religion--away from rules that look good and Christian and separate me from people, because by following them that makes me automatically "better" than others.
In our Sunday morning Bible class, we are studying Habakkuk, which is one of the smallest Old Testament books--only three chapters. In Habakkuk, one of the things the Lord does is talk of the evil doings of the nation He is going to use to discipline Israel's sin. He says they are arrogant, that they have stolen the riches of other nations to build their own, and that they have enslaved the people of these nations to do the building for them. He also speaks of their idolatry. To do this kind of evil, the root seems to be pride. They think they are able to define their own gods rather than look to the one true God. They also think they can use things that are not theirs and can abuse people. Pride allowed them to see God, "things" and other people incorrectly.
Pride is also what allows me to have a wrong image of God, people and things that aren't mine. In different ways I use God, and abuse people and things. My sin looks different than that of others, but it's got the same character.
I think my pastor is right. He says that humility is achieved only as a byproduct of understanding, believing and marveling in the grace of God. and that the only way for things to get better is for us to preach the grace of God till humility just starts to grow in us. As we receive God's grace, we won't be able to do anything but share it. I wrote a poem for Christmas one year that goes along with this. I pray God bless it to you in Jesus' name.
God's Reflection(s)
Barbara A. Irwin
©12-13-91, Revised 12-07-01
Love came down to earth one time
In a stable filled with grime.
God's own Son was born one day
The Father's heart to portray
To self-willed humanity
Steeped in its own vanity.
Jesus, fashioned as a man,
Grew into His Father's plan.
Starting as a baby boy,
He filled Father's heart with joy.
Though God, He learned to obey
Father's will throughout each day.
Grown to perfect adulthood,
Jesus, being Man, understood
About trials, hurt, and testing.
He went through life possessing
Love for God's Word, will, and way;
His commitment did not stray.
Jesus' life was a reflection
Of God's love to perfection.
Father's heart He did express
As He helped those in distress.
He was never far away
From hurt people in dismay.
Yes, He cared for those in need,
But there were some He'd not heed.
These thought they had much wisdom,
Which they held to, causing schism.
(Some are found today in church;
They challenge things of much worth.)
To the end, Jesus was true.
He met needs while others stewed.
Though some resisted to the last,
He went to the cross, steadfast,
Resolved to die for man's sin
So man's new life could begin.
The third day saw Jesus rise
Into heaven through the skies.
Now He prays for us from there,
Wants all to know He does care
About them just as before, and
Wants to come in their heart's door.
Once inside someone there's change;
Jesus wants to rearrange
One's priorities in life.
Out go selfishness and strife,
If that one lets Jesus do
Everything that He wants to.
Then that one reflects God's grace;
You'll see God's love on his face.
He will meet another's need,
For others with Father plead.
God's mirror will be looked upon;
Again God's life is passed on.
We're designed specially to be
Reflectors of our God's glory.
Grace, life, and love are from Him--
He's got a plan to bring in
His Kingdom-- our ways are through!
Now we reflect our God's view.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Thank you Part 2
I have been thinking about the stroke experience and have a few more things to add. Right from the very beginning God had help lined up for me. We didn't know help would be needed, but God did. Beside the fact that God has many times healed me directly without human help, I have always had a tremendous fear of all things medical, including doctors and hospitals. That first day of the stroke, my guys spent the day with me (and most days in the hospital). But I was afraid to be alone in the hospital overnight. I have a friend named Kim who was out of work at the time, and she spent the next few nights in my hospital room. (The one night she couldn't someone else could.) What a help and comfort that was.
Then later when I was at a friend's home for six weeks, Kim was able to spend a week with me while they went on vacation. She was excellent at compassion and caregiving and helped me with speech and walking some. Those areas were very helpful, and without this things would have been much harder.
I also had visitors--my mom and her friend would come, and my sis and her husband, my then pastor, his wife, and others. Also when I got into my new apartment, some people helped by sending premade meals. All of these things were on top of the things mentioned in the last article, and there were other things I'm sure I forgot to mention.
I am so thankful. Concerning relationships, whatever we know how to do can be a blessing to someone. Even the people who only visited or called once were a real blessing. They helped me know I was loved. Nothing we do for others from our heart is too little or unimportant, and if we do those things we are prompted to do, we are filling an important spot. When God orchestrates what He calls us to do, needs are comprehensively met and bring Him glory and show His love.
Let's do what God prompts, no matter how little or big it seems to us, and we will see how He weaves it into His plan in the days to come.
Then later when I was at a friend's home for six weeks, Kim was able to spend a week with me while they went on vacation. She was excellent at compassion and caregiving and helped me with speech and walking some. Those areas were very helpful, and without this things would have been much harder.
I also had visitors--my mom and her friend would come, and my sis and her husband, my then pastor, his wife, and others. Also when I got into my new apartment, some people helped by sending premade meals. All of these things were on top of the things mentioned in the last article, and there were other things I'm sure I forgot to mention.
I am so thankful. Concerning relationships, whatever we know how to do can be a blessing to someone. Even the people who only visited or called once were a real blessing. They helped me know I was loved. Nothing we do for others from our heart is too little or unimportant, and if we do those things we are prompted to do, we are filling an important spot. When God orchestrates what He calls us to do, needs are comprehensively met and bring Him glory and show His love.
Let's do what God prompts, no matter how little or big it seems to us, and we will see how He weaves it into His plan in the days to come.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thank you
I just heard a podcast that was speaking in part once again about the church being people and not a building, and I was thinking of the many things the individuals in the Body of Christ have done for me in the past three years (I could go farther back than that, but...). I'll just recap a few...
Darby and Brandy were led to give me their used car instead of selling it. That was a real blessing, and about a month after I received it I was using it to carpool with a Christian friend to a new job (June 2007). The job was also a provision through a brother, Ron in the body of Christ.
A year later at the end of July 2008 I had the stroke. After, Scott and Dawna, friends who were in transition as far as "church" goes, took me into their home for six weeks so I could start recovering. Then my son Jonathan (also a brother in Christ) took me in for a time. Last October, he and his two brothers (also Christians) moved me close to where the other two of the three of them live. They have been there to take me to speech therapy and doctor appointments. They have also seen that I get out, and Micah has also put his name on my bank account and is still helping big-time.
There is also Brenda, who has been getting together with me regularly--even when I've felt I have nothing to give. She is continuing to encourage me that I can still improve while she receives me where I am right now, has been giving me flowers through the summer and fall, has taken me to Nashville, IN, this summer and to Christmas at the Zoo.... Then there is Kathy who prays with me, has put plastic on my windows for winter, and encourages me about the future, while encouraging me to also receive the present and learn from it (she just loaned me The Shack so I could read it a second time).... I can't forget Mike and Jane and my former church friends in Greenwood who bought me a new wardrobe or the friends who helped by paying toward my heat last winter.... There is Sharon who prays for me, and my new church friends who paid for me to go recently on a women's retreat, and my son's in-laws who say and mean it that I am welcome at all holidays and anytime. Also, there is my counselor (whom I've come to love as a friend--I can't help it that I didn't know of the two year rule, Lori) at church who is helping me get to God and healing on some big emotional issues so I will have less baggage and be ready for my future.
I really thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for what you mean to me, and I want to again say how blessed I am. I have God (I'm still learning that even when I'm being a stinker He loves me), and you all too.
I also want to say that God is wonderful, and being wonderful He also gives us people to love and people to love us. If we are doing that loving in the way we are each specially gifted, we are fulfilling our calling, and our love helps lead others to God and healing in Him. We do it best individually, and as we do we are the church. God brings it together and forms it into His symphony by the Holy Spirit while it is also very individualistic. Church is not a nameless, faceless impersonal entity, but a living breathing organism. Many times we need love from individuals more than love from an organization--we are relational beings, and it is only in relationship that we are made whole.
So, here's to relationship--between us and God, between us as people in God, and between us and the people God wants to bring to Himself and add to His family. God bless you all and may He help us keep acting from His love more and more.
PS There was another comment I really liked by my last post, and I accidentally deleted it when I meant to approve it. Please forgive me and feel free to comment any time anyone.
Darby and Brandy were led to give me their used car instead of selling it. That was a real blessing, and about a month after I received it I was using it to carpool with a Christian friend to a new job (June 2007). The job was also a provision through a brother, Ron in the body of Christ.
A year later at the end of July 2008 I had the stroke. After, Scott and Dawna, friends who were in transition as far as "church" goes, took me into their home for six weeks so I could start recovering. Then my son Jonathan (also a brother in Christ) took me in for a time. Last October, he and his two brothers (also Christians) moved me close to where the other two of the three of them live. They have been there to take me to speech therapy and doctor appointments. They have also seen that I get out, and Micah has also put his name on my bank account and is still helping big-time.
There is also Brenda, who has been getting together with me regularly--even when I've felt I have nothing to give. She is continuing to encourage me that I can still improve while she receives me where I am right now, has been giving me flowers through the summer and fall, has taken me to Nashville, IN, this summer and to Christmas at the Zoo.... Then there is Kathy who prays with me, has put plastic on my windows for winter, and encourages me about the future, while encouraging me to also receive the present and learn from it (she just loaned me The Shack so I could read it a second time).... I can't forget Mike and Jane and my former church friends in Greenwood who bought me a new wardrobe or the friends who helped by paying toward my heat last winter.... There is Sharon who prays for me, and my new church friends who paid for me to go recently on a women's retreat, and my son's in-laws who say and mean it that I am welcome at all holidays and anytime. Also, there is my counselor (whom I've come to love as a friend--I can't help it that I didn't know of the two year rule, Lori) at church who is helping me get to God and healing on some big emotional issues so I will have less baggage and be ready for my future.
I really thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for what you mean to me, and I want to again say how blessed I am. I have God (I'm still learning that even when I'm being a stinker He loves me), and you all too.
I also want to say that God is wonderful, and being wonderful He also gives us people to love and people to love us. If we are doing that loving in the way we are each specially gifted, we are fulfilling our calling, and our love helps lead others to God and healing in Him. We do it best individually, and as we do we are the church. God brings it together and forms it into His symphony by the Holy Spirit while it is also very individualistic. Church is not a nameless, faceless impersonal entity, but a living breathing organism. Many times we need love from individuals more than love from an organization--we are relational beings, and it is only in relationship that we are made whole.
So, here's to relationship--between us and God, between us as people in God, and between us and the people God wants to bring to Himself and add to His family. God bless you all and may He help us keep acting from His love more and more.
PS There was another comment I really liked by my last post, and I accidentally deleted it when I meant to approve it. Please forgive me and feel free to comment any time anyone.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Judgment vs Examination and Forgiveness
In my counseling sessions, we are exploring different topics. My counselor asked me to write about the differences between judging myself and others and examining myself. I was also on the subject of forgiveness of self. What came as I wrote may be food for thought, so I thought I'd put it out here. I hope it blesses someone.
Judgment of self and others means coming to a conclusion about motive as well as the act itself. It deals with the person's rightness or wrongness, not just the action. If I judge myself or others, I am saying my whole (or their whole) personhood is tied up in what was done. But because I can't completely know my own or anyone else's motive, my judgment cannot be just. I am consigning myself or someone else to be (in my thinking at least) the person that action by itself would say I am or they are. I am saying change is not possible. The Lord does not want me to do that because I cannot see the whole picture, so that kind of judgment is wrong.
God does, however, want me to examine myself and my actions. He wants me to bring them before His throne and ask Him about why I do such and so. This is so He can help me get to the root of things and allow Him to correct and train me in the way He would have me live. That will bring change to my life and help me walk more like Jesus.
The Lord wants me to be willing to go deep with Him into my why's. I cannot be corrected and trained except superficially without doing so. But to be able to do so, I must be able to forgive myself or I also will not be able to grow. If I hold on in shame to what I discover about me, I will hide it and bury it deeper. Change will not come that way. But if I bring into the light of God's presence, good things can happen. To top it off, He already knows what I'm going to share with Him. He knew it all along and was just waiting for me to discover it.
Self-forgiveness is a hard thing, though. It means I have to give up the idea of judging my own motives and playing I'm God and can decide about me. It means I have to believe deep down that God is good and that He won't condemn me. It means I must believe in His grace, mercy, forgiveness and healing more than I believe in my right to hold on to and hide my sin. It means I must love God more than myself and want to walk with Him more than anything else.
Only God helps me become able to forgive myself. I can't without His grace, but with Him I can if I will to. I can release sin and shame to Him and if I do it goes into His sea of forgetfulness because He already bore it for me at the cross and He doesn't want to torment me with it. He wants me free.
Judgment of self and others means coming to a conclusion about motive as well as the act itself. It deals with the person's rightness or wrongness, not just the action. If I judge myself or others, I am saying my whole (or their whole) personhood is tied up in what was done. But because I can't completely know my own or anyone else's motive, my judgment cannot be just. I am consigning myself or someone else to be (in my thinking at least) the person that action by itself would say I am or they are. I am saying change is not possible. The Lord does not want me to do that because I cannot see the whole picture, so that kind of judgment is wrong.
God does, however, want me to examine myself and my actions. He wants me to bring them before His throne and ask Him about why I do such and so. This is so He can help me get to the root of things and allow Him to correct and train me in the way He would have me live. That will bring change to my life and help me walk more like Jesus.
The Lord wants me to be willing to go deep with Him into my why's. I cannot be corrected and trained except superficially without doing so. But to be able to do so, I must be able to forgive myself or I also will not be able to grow. If I hold on in shame to what I discover about me, I will hide it and bury it deeper. Change will not come that way. But if I bring into the light of God's presence, good things can happen. To top it off, He already knows what I'm going to share with Him. He knew it all along and was just waiting for me to discover it.
Self-forgiveness is a hard thing, though. It means I have to give up the idea of judging my own motives and playing I'm God and can decide about me. It means I have to believe deep down that God is good and that He won't condemn me. It means I must believe in His grace, mercy, forgiveness and healing more than I believe in my right to hold on to and hide my sin. It means I must love God more than myself and want to walk with Him more than anything else.
Only God helps me become able to forgive myself. I can't without His grace, but with Him I can if I will to. I can release sin and shame to Him and if I do it goes into His sea of forgetfulness because He already bore it for me at the cross and He doesn't want to torment me with it. He wants me free.
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