Changes, Changes-Part 2

One of my sons read my last blog posting about changes and he had a few comments. Always my optimist, his viewpoint was interesting. His comment concerned our outlook on life. He never realized that my feeling of not deserving anything good started in childhood. That being the case, he knows it is taking some time and persistence to change it. He also said that he remembers me questioning him as a young teen one day when he said, "Well you know, all things work together for good to those who love God." I asked him if he really believed it, and he said yes, because God said it.


Now, I've been a Christian for 38 years, and I'm still coming to feel that truth. I've known it and even seen it work to some degree in my life. Though it has been in my mind, I haven't had that truth deeply embedded in my heart. That is so very important because I keep having more history added to my life every day and I never want to end up a bitter old lady, which is what will happen if my heart can't more fully grasp God's truth. 


We also discussed the idea that outlook can make a big difference in how life happens. The Bible says it in Rom 12:2, telling us to let our minds be renewed so we can prove God's will. I am beginning to understand this to mean to let Him help me get rid of the untruths I've believed for years, and not just to begin wanting what He wants. It also alludes to that when it tells us to think on things that are good, lovely, and of good report in Phil 4:8, and when it tells us in Proverbs that as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. My son then said as an example that my husband's second wife has a little different outlook on life than I've had, and we are hoping that can help make their marriage go better. The difference is in her heart, not her head. 


I am also thinking about the attitude I've carried over the years about this son's unshakable optimism. On the surface I have been irritated, wondering how it can be so easy for him to believe (he believes it's a combination of parenting and personality). What I have wanted to know is that his is not just cheerfulness and a positive view of life. I've been somewhat frightened--what will happen when he comes up against something in life that seems immovable? I don't want his faith to come crashing down. I mentioned this to him again, then realized aloud again that when faith is needed and works the most is when the chips are down.


Even though I'm battling with God over this, or maybe especially because of this battle, I believe God is working within me. He is working to make my faith more solid and real, based on Him alone and nothing else in my heart, not just my head. It's been slow going, but I choose to believe I will know more of God and His wonderful love when I come through this. 


I pray the same for you. Battling with God is not wrong--He would much rather we battle with Him than ignore Him. We can be changed through the battle and know Him in new and deeper ways. That's what I want from my battle scars. Do you? On His part, God is often allowing us experiences designed to bring us into and through battle. The question is, will we engage? My answer is a hesitant yes. What about you?

Changes. Changes-Part 1

On and off for the last few days I have been working at once in a while stuff--overhauling my privacy settings and the things I share on the net--and at getting involved in at least one new site. The one I'm trying is Classmates.com to see what will happen. My high school years weren't filled with friends, but I really remember a few of my classmates and I thought I would try to get in contact. I take the no-pay route, which is a little harder, but I am interested to see what if anything comes from it.

This past year has been really different. I have been working on getting rid of some attitudes that could only hold me back from a good future. That has been interesting, and I'm still working on it, but I can see some changes even now in my life. Going on Classmates is one change. I used to believe I didn't deserve much good. That thought is changing slowly. (It isn't a matter of what I deserve, but of what Jesus wants for me.) I have been a Christian for many years, but I am now learning more about God's love for me--that He loved me even before He created me and that His love for me could never stop. (I knew this intellectually, but now I'm experiencing it more.) I'm learning more about His forgiveness. (He provided complete forgiveness for everything in my past, present and future because He knows every sin I will commit, not only the ones I've already done; He died for every one of them.) It is helping me forgive others more and be willing to try new things. I'm learning how to walk with Him with less and less of a mask. (Since He really knows all my thoughts and feelings as well as my actions, why should I hide them? He loves me anyway, and can only change me if I'm honest.) 

All of these new thoughts boggle my mind, but I'm exploring them in increasing depth and watching how many areas of my life and behavior toward my Lord and others are being touched. I can't forgive well if I don't feel forgiven, and I can't love others or God Himself with unconditional agape love until I have been immersed in it myself. I need more than a head knowledge of these things, and that experiential knowledge is growing to a new level in my life.

I am looking forward, albeit a little hesitantly, to the new year and what more realization will do for my life. God bless you as this year ends and the new one begins, with your first knowing of Him or a greater depth in His love, grace and mercy.

Humility-An Elusive but Vital Gift

Recently our pastor spoke on humility, which is one aspect of the culture needed in our body to see God's kingdom come and stay among us. He said it is elusive, because as soon as we think we have it we become proud of it and it's gone.

How true! The more I try to humble myself, the worse I get--more jealous, more competitive, more prideful, more self-pitying, more antagonistic against people when I should be against evil and for people.... My sin is so pervasive that it is wrapped in the very fiber of my being.

But something else is wrapped in the very fiber of my being since I received Jesus, and that something is grace. I was saved by grace (all I could do was receive it as a gift--that's why the song is called Amazing Grace), and I live by grace. Grace is what teaches my heart to fear and honor God and also teaches me not to fear man. Grace teaches me how to focus on God and what He is doing instead of on myself. I still have a lot to learn in this department, and the only way it works is through a moment by moment receiving of imparted grace.

Why do I prefer morality to grace so often? Morality is me improving myself--then I would earn my way to grace and the goodness of God. But the Bible (and my experience if I'll be honest) tells me I can't even obey without grace. Grace is the only thing that can ever keep me out of religion--away from rules that look good and Christian and separate me from people, because by following them that makes me automatically "better" than others.

In our Sunday morning Bible class, we are studying Habakkuk, which is one of the smallest Old Testament books--only three chapters. In Habakkuk, one of the things the Lord does is talk of the evil doings of the nation He is going to use to discipline Israel's sin. He says they are arrogant, that they have stolen the riches of other nations to build their own, and that they have enslaved the people of these nations to do the building for them. He also speaks of their idolatry. To do this kind of evil, the root seems to be pride. They think they are able to define their own gods rather than look to the one true God. They also think they can use things that are not theirs and can abuse people. Pride allowed them to see God, "things" and other people incorrectly.

Pride is also what allows me to have a wrong image of God, people and things that aren't mine. In different ways I use God, and abuse people and things. My sin looks different than that of others, but it's got the same character.

I think my pastor is right. He says that humility is achieved only as a byproduct of understanding, believing and marveling in the grace of God. and that the only way for things to get better is for us to preach the grace of God till humility just starts to grow in us. As we receive God's grace, we won't be able to do anything but share it. I wrote a poem for Christmas one year that goes along with this. I pray God bless it to you in Jesus' name.

God's Reflection(s)

Barbara A. Irwin

©12-13-91, Revised 12-07-01

Love came down to earth one time

In a stable filled with grime.

God's own Son was born one day

The Father's heart to portray

To self-willed humanity

Steeped in its own vanity.

Jesus, fashioned as a man,

Grew into His Father's plan.

Starting as a baby boy,

He filled Father's heart with joy.

Though God, He learned to obey

Father's will throughout each day.

Grown to perfect adulthood,

Jesus, being Man, understood

About trials, hurt, and testing.

He went through life possessing

Love for God's Word, will, and way;

His commitment did not stray.

Jesus' life was a reflection

Of God's love to perfection.

Father's heart He did express

As He helped those in distress.

He was never far away

From hurt people in dismay.

Yes, He cared for those in need,

But there were some He'd not heed.

These thought they had much wisdom,

Which they held to, causing schism.

(Some are found today in church;

They challenge things of much worth.)

To the end, Jesus was true.

He met needs while others stewed.

Though some resisted to the last,

He went to the cross, steadfast,

Resolved to die for man's sin

So man's new life could begin.

The third day saw Jesus rise

Into heaven through the skies.

Now He prays for us from there,

Wants all to know He does care

About them just as before, and

Wants to come in their heart's door.

Once inside someone there's change;

Jesus wants to rearrange

One's priorities in life.

Out go selfishness and strife,

If that one lets Jesus do

Everything that He wants to.

Then that one reflects God's grace;

You'll see God's love on his face.

He will meet another's need,

For others with Father plead.

God's mirror will be looked upon;

Again God's life is passed on.

We're designed specially to be

Reflectors of our God's glory.

Grace, life, and love are from Him--

He's got a plan to bring in

His Kingdom-- our ways are through!

Now we reflect our God's view.

Thank you Part 2

I have been thinking about the stroke experience and have a few more things to add. Right from the very beginning God had help lined up for me. We didn't know help would be needed, but God did. Beside the fact that God has many times healed me directly without human help, I have always had a tremendous fear of all things medical, including doctors and hospitals. That first day of the stroke, my guys spent the day with me (and most days in the hospital). But I was afraid to be alone in the hospital overnight. I have a friend named Kim who was out of work at the time, and she spent the next few nights in my hospital room. (The one night she couldn't someone else could.) What a help and comfort that was.

Then later when I was at a friend's home for six weeks, Kim was able to spend a week with me while they went on vacation. She was excellent at compassion and caregiving and helped me with speech and walking some. Those areas were very helpful, and without this things would have been much harder.

I also had visitors--my mom and her friend would come, and my sis and her husband, my then pastor, his wife, and others. Also when I got into my new apartment, some people helped by sending premade meals. All of these things were on top of the things mentioned in the last article, and there were other things I'm sure I forgot to mention.

I am so thankful. Concerning relationships, whatever we know how to do can be a blessing to someone. Even the people who only visited or called once were a real blessing. They helped me know I was loved. Nothing we do for others from our heart is too little or unimportant, and if we do those things we are prompted to do, we are filling an important spot. When God orchestrates what He calls us to do, needs are comprehensively met and bring Him glory and show His love.

Let's do what God prompts, no matter how little or big it seems to us, and we will see how He weaves it into His plan in the days to come.

Thank you

I just heard a podcast that was speaking in part once again about the church being people and not a building, and I was thinking of the many things the individuals in the Body of Christ have done for me in the past three years (I could go farther back than that, but...). I'll just recap a few...

Darby and Brandy were led to give me their used car instead of selling it. That was a real blessing, and about a month after I received it I was using it to carpool with a Christian friend to a new job (June 2007). The job was also a provision through a brother, Ron in the body of Christ.

A year later at the end of July 2008 I had the stroke. After, Scott and Dawna, friends who were in transition as far as "church" goes, took me into their home for six weeks so I could start recovering. Then my son Jonathan (also a brother in Christ) took me in for a time. Last October, he and his two brothers (also Christians) moved me close to where the other two of the three of them live. They have been there to take me to speech therapy and doctor appointments. They have also seen that I get out, and Micah has also put his name on my bank account and is still helping big-time.

There is also Brenda, who has been getting together with me regularly--even when I've felt I have nothing to give. She is continuing to encourage me that I can still improve while she receives me where I am right now, has been giving me flowers through the summer and fall, has taken me to Nashville, IN, this summer and to Christmas at the Zoo.... Then there is Kathy who prays with me, has put plastic on my windows for winter, and encourages me about the future, while encouraging me to also receive the present and learn from it (she just loaned me The Shack so I could read it a second time).... I can't forget Mike and Jane and my former church friends in Greenwood who bought me a new wardrobe or the friends who helped by paying toward my heat last winter.... There is Sharon who prays for me, and my new church friends who paid for me to go recently on a women's retreat, and my son's in-laws who say and mean it that I am welcome at all holidays and anytime. Also, there is my counselor (whom I've come to love as a friend--I can't help it that I didn't know of the two year rule, Lori) at church who is helping me get to God and healing on some big emotional issues so I will have less baggage and be ready for my future.

I really thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for what you mean to me, and I want to again say how blessed I am. I have God (I'm still learning that even when I'm being a stinker He loves me), and you all too.

I also want to say that God is wonderful, and being wonderful He also gives us people to love and people to love us. If we are doing that loving in the way we are each specially gifted, we are fulfilling our calling, and our love helps lead others to God and healing in Him. We do it best individually, and as we do we are the church. God brings it together and forms it into His symphony by the Holy Spirit while it is also very individualistic. Church is not a nameless, faceless impersonal entity, but a living breathing organism. Many times we need love from individuals more than love from an organization--we are relational beings, and it is only in relationship that we are made whole.

So, here's to relationship--between us and God, between us as people in God, and between us and the people God wants to bring to Himself and add to His family. God bless you all and may He help us keep acting from His love more and more.

PS There was another comment I really liked by my last post, and I accidentally deleted it when I meant to approve it. Please forgive me and feel free to comment any time anyone.

Judgment vs Examination and Forgiveness

In my counseling sessions, we are exploring different topics. My counselor asked me to write about the differences between judging myself and others and examining myself. I was also on the subject of forgiveness of self. What came as I wrote may be food for thought, so I thought I'd put it out here. I hope it blesses someone.

Judgment of self and others means coming to a conclusion about motive as well as the act itself. It deals with the person's rightness or wrongness, not just the action. If I judge myself or others, I am saying my whole (or their whole) personhood is tied up in what was done. But because I can't completely know my own or anyone else's motive, my judgment cannot be just. I am consigning myself or someone else to be (in my thinking at least) the person that action by itself would say I am or they are. I am saying change is not possible. The Lord does not want me to do that because I cannot see the whole picture, so that kind of judgment is wrong.

God does, however, want me to examine myself and my actions. He wants me to bring them before His throne and ask Him about why I do such and so. This is so He can help me get to the root of things and allow Him to correct and train me in the way He would have me live. That will bring change to my life and help me walk more like Jesus.

The Lord wants me to be willing to go deep with Him into my why's. I cannot be corrected and trained except superficially without doing so. But to be able to do so, I must be able to forgive myself or I also will not be able to grow. If I hold on in shame to what I discover about me, I will hide it and bury it deeper. Change will not come that way. But if I bring into the light of God's presence, good things can happen. To top it off, He already knows what I'm going to share with Him. He knew it all along and was just waiting for me to discover it.

Self-forgiveness is a hard thing, though. It means I have to give up the idea of judging my own motives and playing I'm God and can decide about me. It means I have to believe deep down that God is good and that He won't condemn me. It means I must believe in His grace, mercy, forgiveness and healing more than I believe in my right to hold on to and hide my sin. It means I must love God more than myself and want to walk with Him more than anything else.

Only God helps me become able to forgive myself. I can't without His grace, but with Him I can if I will to. I can release sin and shame to Him and if I do it goes into His sea of forgetfulness because He already bore it for me at the cross and He doesn't want to torment me with it. He wants me free.

Health Update

Hi, everybody. In two days it will be a year since I had the stroke. I wanted to give a progress update. It seems I have improved somewhat, though from day to day that can be subjective. I am so glad I can speak, though it is still not easy, and that though I still have no real appetite, I can maintain my weight between 130-135 pounds. I am walking several days a week from a mile and a quarter to a mile and a half or so and lift weights two to three times a week, though by the time I finish either activity I am exhausted. Cooking is still very hard, and though I can do dishes, I don't do well. Laundry is still hard, but possible. I just found out about three weeks ago that I can ride an escalator like I used to without thinking about it, and can shower easily again. Brushing teeth and eating still take concentration, though I think they are taking less concentration than they did for a while. On some days typing is easier than before, though it is not yet simple. Concerning driving, I am still driving to church and short distances from home only.

Concerning my emotional and spiritual health, I am trying to move on. I am in counseling at my church, and that is helping some. I had never dealt with some of the issues raised when my marriage ended, and we've been dealing with that, and I am also dealing with who God made me to be--issues needing consideration to be able to move forward in my life. In addition, I am revisiting another issue that is very important to me, and that is divine supernatural healing. I believe God does it with all my heart and have experienced it quite often, but I am sad that I am not walking in it right now and feel I am letting God down even though that doesn't change His love for me. I think part of the good to come out of this stroke will be some new understandings only God can give me. I am also once again realizing the old adage that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I can't just receive what someone else says. I can (and need to) consider it, but I'm desperate for the Lord to speak to my heart. It seems those are the only things I really have been able to hold onto in my life.--Another thiing-it's very hard to feel close to God with all of this going on, but I want to get there again. I hear His voice in some areas again, but I long for more.

I am still not working--not enough stamina yet, but I am hoping with my walking and weights to build more. I am still going day by day financially, and will see what God does. He has been providing till now, and I'm very thankful.

Well, I guess that's all for now...more later as I know it.

The Intervention of Intercessory Prayer

I wrote this article on my web page some time ago, and believe it fits us now. I hope it is a blessing.

Intercession is a vital ministry in the body of Christ. I want to discuss its importance in any work God has established. I have learned that a Christian work must operate from a very consistent, solid Holy Spirit-directed base of prayer. That can only be accomplished by having humble people with strong intercessory prayer giftings either in charge or close to the top. If the director is not an intercessor, he or she must understand its importance, that it is not "window dressing," but the very avenue the Lord by His Spirit uses to set the direction and even the atmosphere of the work. These prayer warriors in turn must lead the rest of the workers into prayer that zeroes in on God's heart for the work and the people He sends there. This kind of prayer does not come from our minds, but from actively waiting on the Lord to reveal His strategy.

Why is this kind of prayer so necessary? Using the works I have been involved in at a local Crisis Pregnancy Center and a Christian-based homeless shelter as an example, God's enemy has worked quite hard to get these women and children into a position where he has almost destroyed them, and he has no intention of giving up easily. His purpose is to target the family so that godly children will not be raised up to hold up God's standard, testify to His reality, and help bring others out of their prisons of sin. Many of these women who are pregnant without marriage or hurting from abusive marriages and/or severe drug/alcohol addictions are already familiar with the church and its claims. Yet this familiarity has not impacted them with God's reality as much as it has with the doctrines of the church.

The Bible explains that the letter of the law without the Spirit kills. Doctrines without the life of God only lead to legalism and its fruit of self-righteousness, or rebellion and its fruit of lawlessness. This ungodly fruit from exposure to church delights the enemy. He doesn't mind our talking about the Lord. The only thing he fights with everything he's got is a person's or a work's living the revelation in such a way that the reality of God convicts those who hear. Intercession can break through that "wall of unreality" that causes the Word to be ineffectual. This allows the Holy Spirit to minister the living Truth of God that is Jesus and the revelation of God's Word through the convicting power of the Holy Spirit in a life-giving way that can transform those who are willing to hear with their hearts.

Intercession can also keep the enemy from defeating the workers. Oftentimes the workers are attacked both by external circumstances and divisiveness to prevent the demonstration of the reality of the gospel. Only Spirit-led intercession can cut through these attacks. Only consistent, honest, in-depth intercession can build up the spiritual protection needed to keep a work functioning in such a way that the Holy Spirit can bring lasting fruit that remains.

Another way in which intercession helps a Christian work is to keep God-given methods and understanding (even of God and His ways of working with those we serve) from being applied in the flesh. It is very easy in areas commonly labeled "social work" to apply principles with our minds. I have learned if I do not pray and intercede for each client I deal with that things fall flat. No matter how much "truth" I share, it becomes "dead letter."

I have discovered that even as a Christian I can do "fleshly" social work, and that Christian social work done in the flesh gets fleshly, not godly, results. To help hurting people, I must not try to diagnose the needs myself, but must remember I am constantly dependent on the Lord to discern and minister to the needs of the people. If I minister in my own strength, I also experience "burn out" very quickly. Additionally, I find myself defending "my" authority. If, however, I am prayed up, I find I don't have to keep my distance from the clients to maintain my authority. The authority God wants me to have is given and maintained by the Holy Spirit as it's needed.

It has been my joy to participate where humble Holy Spirit-led intercession is carried out on a consistent basis day in and day out. As each worker regularly practices sincere, in-depth prayer with another worker as she comes on her shift, a fervency for the Lord and a bond of love and genuine caring for the other workers, the work itself, and the clients is built. It becomes so tangible that it is felt. The love and respect grows between workers and the leadership as they bare their hearts before each other and the Lord. As the oil of the Holy Spirit flows through such a workplace, relationships between leadership and staff flow smoothly in a unified direction. This attitude of caring, love, respect, and deep concern is "caught" by the clients because eventually it becomes part of the "atmosphere" of the place, and it allows the Holy Spirit to soften hearts to be receptive to the living seed of the gospel.

God says the prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16). He tells us to pray without ceasing (1Thess 5:17), and by prayer and supplication let our requests be made known to Him (Phil 4:6). In the Bible He speaks of a serious time, and of what is needed to bring His deliverance into situations (this was spoken to Israel, a nation that knew God to the greatest extent of any nation at that point in time): Isa 59:15-18 (TLB) 15Yes, truth is gone, and anyone who tries a better life is soon attacked. The Lord saw all the evil and was displeased to find no steps taken against sin. 16He saw no one was helping you and wondered that no one intervened (KJV: that there was no intercessor). Therefore He Himself stepped in to save you through His mighty power and justice. Intercession, according to the Encarta� World English Dictionary � & (P) 1999 Microsoft Corporation, is defined as 1. interceding: the action of pleading on somebody�s behalf 2. trying to resolve conflict: the action of attempting to settle a dispute 3. prayer or petition: prayer to God ...on behalf of somebody or something.

Intercession, then, according to both the Bible and the dictionary is a form of intervention and mediation between people and sin, and people and God when sin (or danger) is involved. It takes a righteous person who is convinced God hears to stand in the gap between man and sin so that God's purposes can be accomplished. It is more important than any program or methodology we could use, and it alone will bring God and His creative life into the situation. My experience working with people who know the power of intercession has demonstrated its value. It sets all my work into proper perspective as I realize I cannot solve thorny problems with my understanding. It is not only understanding that brings change, but heart transformation, and that is only accomplished by the Lord. I pray the Lord put an urgency within His people, that we would learn His truths of intercession and how to hear His heart so as to be instruments He can use to transform others with His life.

More About Worship

I have been considering the subject of worship again. To recap the last series on worship, I believe we should worship God with our whole life. Now I would like to touch on worship through music. As I said earlier, worship styles and sounds are being strongly contested in many places, and I believe the Holy Spirit will bring us into unity on these things and give us a new sound as we stay before Him.

For the last few weeks, though as I have thought about worship music, two seemingly contradictory ideas keep coming to mind: inductive reasoning and deductive reasoning. Inductive reasoning starts with specific instances and tries to generalize, while deductive reasoning starts with general truths and tries to prove them with specific instances. How does this apply to worship?

Some people need to start with the general truths about God and His character to bring them to faith concerning what He can and will do for them. They need to focus on His holiness, justice, righteousness, love and faithfulness before they can believe He is willing to help them. Others need to focus on what He has done for specific people in specific situations to bring them to the place of believing that He will help them and also to believing that those qualities exist in God at all times in all places whether they personally see His work in a particular area of their lives yet or not. This is why we need worship and praise about God and His attributes coming from both angles.

There are problems when either of these approaches to God get out of balance. Too much thinking on God's character in general can leave us without a personal faith, because we think He's so holy He doesn't want to bother with helping us in our (we think) mundane lives. On the other hand, when we focus almost exclusively on God's personal care for us, we can lose sight of the bigger picture and reduce Him to our personal problem solver, instead of God of everything who always was, is, and ever will be. He even wants His people to be able from sincere hearts to say that "though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" as Job says, and that though everything is wrong in my life, I will rejoice in God as it says in Habakkuk 3:17-19. That ability grows the longer we know and trust Him.

The truth is God is love. He is also holy, righteous, just, true, faithful and many other things through all time and eternity-before human beings existed, now and forever in the future-even when time ends. Even if He had never created us, He would still be those things. It says in His Word that He will never change (Heb 13:8 and Malachi 3:6), and that is why we can trust Him and ask Him to help us. For these

One other issue I need to mention is that of singing about God or singing to God. I may sing that God is or has done all these things, and that is good. That is praise. But I need to at least sing equally to God about who He is-both who He is generally and who He has shown Himself to be in my life. That is worship. If we can incorporate these things rightly in our lives, our worship and praise will be pleasing to God, and it will help us. The more we say and sing the truth, the more we will know it, and the more we know and practice it, the more we will have to say and sing concerning our wonderful God.

Good Feelings or God's Glory? - Part 2

As I said last time, it is a good thing, but also a sobering thing to see God's glory through His people. It brings with it a real responsibility. This time, I want to discuss what happens when a group of people seek God for the purpose of knowing Him and showing His glory.

I've been reading a book about the subject by John Bevere entitled The Fear of the Lord:Discover the Key to Intimately Knowing God. He says, and I agree, that when we seek to know Him as a group and as individuals, He will come and show His glory to and through us. But He also says when that happens things get more serious.

Before we can talk about the results of God showing His glory, we need to talk about order. When God first made man in the garden of Eden, He made them male and female. They were the crown of His creation. All other creatures were given coverings, but man and woman were covered with God's glory so they didn't need any covering at first. God made order in creation, then brought His glory. When Adam and Eve sinned, however what was the first thing that happened? God's glory departed and they knew they were naked and tried to make their own coverings. God would have none of that though, and He made them coverings that foreshadowed the cross.

In Jesus, God made people right with Himself again and if we receive Him we are given power to become sons and daughters of God. We become the temple of the Holy Spirit. That is what brings His glory to us, because He came to remind us of all Jesus wants us to know. As we seek Him and grow, God's glory begins to shine in our lives.

Now we're ready to discuss what happens when a group of people, the Body of Christ, show God's glory. Let's go to the book of Acts. The church began to grow by leaps and bounds, but when God's glory came, those who showed disrespect, this time by lying were immediately judged (see Acts 5:1-11). Scripture says they lied not to men, but to the Holy Spirit. A group of people cannot live close to God's glory and just do what they want. It is one thing to know of God, but when He is among us in His glory, what will keep us safe is the love of God with the fear of the Lord.

The fear of the Lord is not the same thing as being afraid of God. Fear of the Lord means respect for God and His ways, and wanting to please Him in everything. We will still be human and sin at times, but we will not want to or like it that we do. The Bible says fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Ps 111:10) and knowledge (Proverbs). It says His secret is with those who fear Him (Ps 25:14), and that He has laid up great goodness for those who fear Him (Ps 31:19).

There is much more to be said about this subject, but this is a start. I believe God is working to get us ready as the Body of Christ not just as individuals to show forth His glory, and in doing so He wants us walking in both love and fear of the Lord so we will not be destroyed by seeing that glory. I pray God plant the truths about the fear of the Lord deep within our hearts so we can show His glory to a world that desperately needs it.

Good Feelings or God's Glory? - Part 1

I am so glad I have been able to soak in Father's love as of late. That is what makes it possible for me to come boldly before Him again. But I have to do more than soak in His love. If I don't want more from Him than to feel better about life and myself I am not seeing Him clearly. As I continue to know Him better, I will feel better, but if that is my main goal I am missing it.

I have to do what Hos 6:3 (NKJV) says: Let us know, let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, like the latter and former rain to the earth. He redeemed me as part of a people He has made to show forth who He is. It is my job to let Him make me more like Himself every day, and for that to happen, I need to seek to know Him. I cannot change myself into who He wants me to be, but I need to allow Him to do that in me.

On Sunday morning right now we are having a before-service class on John 17. One of the things we are trying to understand is God's glory. It is very important to understand what that means, in part because of Rom 8:29-30. The NLT says, 29 For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to Him. And having called them, He gave them right standing with Himself. And having given them right standing, He gave them His glory.

I am meant, once I come into right-standing with God through Jesus to be the same kind of person He was so others will know Him. If I just tell others about Him that does not show His glory, but if I live in His ways from my heart, that does show who He is, or show His glory. I can only do that by knowing Him, and that only comes as I seek Him.

The good thing is that He says if I do seek to know Him, He will come. When the body of Christ seeks Him as the Body and not just as individuals, He says He will fill us with His glory. That is a very good and a very sobering thing. I want to be like Him as much as possible personally, but I also want to see us like Him as the Body. The next time I will talk more about that. In the meantime, God bless you as you seek to know Him even more.

Let Us Pray

Since January, our pastor has taught at least five messages on prayer. This is a very important subject. Corporate prayer is a vital part of our lives. If we don't do it we will pay the cost, and there is a cost. We will end up at best with lackluster programs that have form but no life. At worst, we will see works that could have grown strong dissolve. I have seen both happen.

Today prayer in churches often consists of an email prayer chain and maybe a small women's prayer group. That is important, but it isn't enough if we want God to move in power in our midst. Corporate prayer can grow both in content and numbers, but only if it is started. God doesn't expect it to be full-grown at the beginning, but it will never get there if churches don't start somewhere.

To be honest, I am having a hard time writing this, because it is very hard since the stroke for me to speak, much less pray out loud. But I still need to write the truth, and I believe God will help me grow back into it in His time. I also believe He will help any work, whether it be church or outreach get there if it wants to. I would like to trust Him with that possibilty this year. He is faithful--are we?

Church Alive!

As I've looked over my past work I have realized something. The church I started going to this winter really does what I write about in my articles about the body of Christ. They have the right attitudes, are listening to God, learning how to study the Bible, working on getting healed and being more and more a community of faith. They have outreaches to the poor and are serious about God.

I thought that would make us ready for what is ahead. It is making us ready, but it doesn't look like I envisioned it would. That's okay--we still have a little more work to go. But I don't think it will ever look like I think it will. God always has something different and deeper in mind than I do, and if it goes according to His plan as opposed to mine, it will be great.

Now not everyone in this church is in the same place spiritually. That's true in all churches. If we were all at the same maturity level, it wouldn't be good. We will be at different places of growth. But we all need to be growing. Right now we are being challenged not to come to church if we don't enjoy it--we shouldn't come out of duty. We are also being challenged to come early enough to get in on the beginning of worship because God deserves our all. It has also been suggested that our worship start before we come so we are ready to present ourselves corporately before our God. God is raising the bar, and what He is saying can be done by people at different levels of maturity.

My entrance into things at this church is from a different angle. I can only participate so much since I can't sing well since the stroke and I haven't been able to talk much. But even in my condition I've found the worship really helps me draw nearer to God and I am beginning to be able to open slowly back up to Him. I am finding my hands raise a little higher each meeting, especially since a friend told me God really had missed my worship. I also just started going to a before church Bible study yesterday. It really surprised me because of its depth--and the desire for it to remain very practical. Also I've started getting some healing for things God has shown me during this stroke--things that were there before, but that I was busy enough to ignore.

Their desire at this church is for people to participate in worship, service, community or any aspect of things because they want to. They do not believe in abusing the people who come. I believe God will honor this kind of church and that the rest of what is needed will be added unto us as we keep looking at Him.

I pray Father, that this church keep growing according to your plan, and that we become all that You want us to be. I also pray for those who aren't in a church with these characteristics and want to be that You help them find one. I love you, Lord. In Jesus' name and for His sake I pray. Amen

Reviewing the Past

Today I want to talk about the past. One way I'll get to the future is by looking at where I've been. I have been rereading my blog articles lately, and know that where I am today is partly seen in what I've been writing about. I am being tested as to whether I believe what I feel God inspired me to write.

I found myself saying a loud resounding "yes" to these articles again. After all, they are as much for me as for anyone else. I do believe the right kind of wasted worship is the only way for me to go. I do believe what I said in the articles on God saying, "I Will Build My Church." I believe the things I wrote in "Hearing God's Voice--What's Stopping Me?" and all the other articles. Even the articles that I don't believe were specifically inspired I believe.

That is integrity. If I didn't still believe these things, I would need to remove them. Now though, I need to see how they apply after the stroke. I have also written some other things on a web page, things I need to go over. I wrote about an auto accident in 1983 and how it affected my life. I needed to go back there because it speaks of what I can learn during severe physical trials. You can find it at http://www.geocities.com/skywatch5/1983mystory.html if you want to read it. Just copy the address and paste it in the window and go. That and some poems are found in the section called "Suffering's Challenge." It also helped me to go to the poems and read "Wonderings" and "Learning to Yield."

The other night in the middle of the night, God was there when I woke up. I've been thinking a lot about my future in the last couple weeks especially. I feel like He just showed me an attitude that needs to change. He showed me how I thought about something that I have always gotten around through ignoring it. Now I'm hearing Him say I have to get to the bottom of it. It's time to confess and forsake it. I'm hearing that as I do, my future can be better than my past.

As I look ahead, I am also being told to look at my giftings and ask how they can be used to best advantage. You see, another thing I believe is that work-wise we should do what we were made for. I have not been doing that. I have been working where I have because that's what God gave me to do for those seasons, but I feel now is the time to really examine this area since I can't do much right now. I am asking where God wants to take me and how He wants to get me there.

All of this is one way of saying what a serious crisis can do for and in your life. I know I am going to learn a lot more in the days to come as I keep asking, seeking and knocking. Feel free to come along.

Tests and Trials - Part 2

The stroke I had last summer has touched many areas of my life. I was so out of it that it took a friend of mine to point this out to me. It has touched my physical health, my emotional health, my financial health and my spiritual health.

As I said last time, I lost my job. I am getting ready to consider what I can be trained to do now. My thoughts were not clear in the beginning, but I am now gaining clarity and can hold my thoughts for a while. However, with my speech still in flux and so much trouble typing, things are hard. (One thing I thought I heard even before the stroke was the Lord saying the enemy was going to try to take my voice. I didn't know that was literal.) Also, learning is not as quick as it was. We will see what happens--and did I mention there seems to be a dearth of jobs right now?

This is also a financial battle for me. When I was working for A Hearing Service and Omega Retirement Plans during the last seven years, I saved as much money as I could. I had never had a chance to save before and now I was doing it. Even though I have a gift for saving, I could only save so much, and couldn't save enough. The hospital wrote off my bill, which I could not have paid, and some of the doctors did as well. Other bills were scaled down. I had thought I was saving for retirement... . I have had to go on disability for now. It started six months after the stroke. I also was able to get on the Healthy Indiana Program which helps when you have no health insurance. (I have never had a job with health insurance.) Right now I need these things, and I am grateful, though I would like to get past this. I really don't want to be tied to the system for healthcare and provision.

I'm having an emotional battle because I feel useless with no quick turnaround in sight. I felt depressed for months, but that has lifted a little as I've started reading counseling books and writing on here and Facebook, and have started praying and listening to God a little more. It helps some when I'm listening even if He isn't talking.

The spiritual battle is to totally yield to God in this situation. It's hard to yield when you are angry and have many questions. Another part of my spiritual battle involves some things I said yes to the Lord about a year ago January. It seems that those things have completely evaporated. I wonder what my future holds, what I can do for the next stage of my life. I believe God still has something for me or I wouldn't be thinking He might but it's a challenge just waiting.

I am working on what it means to trust God again when I have nothing I am doing for Him or for myself. I don't feel very capable right now, but He says His love is not based on my worthiness. I am getting another lesson in being loved by my Father, and will let you know more as I learn.

Tests and Trials - Part 1

Hi, everyone. It has been over a year since I have written, though several things are in draft form. I had thought to write more, but life has a way of intruding. I got in touch with a group of people from the past last spring, and talked with them for a few months. That took all my energy and didn't turn out as I'd hoped. It was worth trying, however.

Then I went from the frying pan into the fire. On July 29, 2008, five days after my 57th birthday, I had a stroke. It was in the top left side of the brain, and because it was in a somewhat unusual place some of the things I'm having to recover from are unusual also.

At first I was emotionally numb, and then I got very angry at God. This wasn't supposed to happen. One of the fears I've had for some time was that since I was divorced in December 2004, I wondered what would happen to me if I was alone and something happened. I kept fighting the fear, but it still stayed. Well I was alone and something did happen, yet I survived. I was in the hospital for five days, then went to the home of some friends who used to go to the church I went to. I stayed with them for six weeks--long enough to get stabilized and to start dealing with the high blood pressure I'd been trying to deal with naturally for years and diabetes I also learned of in the hospital. (Diabetes is now being totally controlled by diet.) I was there also long enough to begin to deal with the stroke's effects.

I didn't know it can take up to two years for a person to recover as much as possible from a stroke. It has been almost seven and a half months now. For all this time I have been working to go from not being able to speak to where my speech therapist says I have "voicing" with the proper pitch for my voice 65% of the time. At times I still speak in a whispery, hoarse voice. When I do speak, my words are usually very clear, however I speak. As far as singing goes, I never had a great voice, but it is much worse now.

Other areas I'm dealing with include typing and driving. My fingers on my right hand don't want to cooperate, and it takes me a long time to type. In my speech and typing the word being used is aphasia. Driving is also hard. My eyes are more sensitive to light (need sunglasses most of the time) and I have another challenge as well--being mindful of what's happening all around me. I'm working on that one also.

All of this means that though I score high enough on intelligence, I can't work right now. The lady who did my job before I did came back from August through mid-December. I couldn't remember in November how to do my job. The owner very kindly kept my job that long for me, but when I couldn't relearn it fast enough, someone else had to be hired.

This means I spend many quiet days at home. I read. For a time all I read was Christian fiction. I watch some movies. Some friends come over and take me out as they can. More often now I pray and try to listen to God. It gets easier as I get less angry. I just started reading books like Competent Christian Counseling by Tim Cllnton--a 700-some page book I've been wanting to read for a long time. Now I'm on Crisis and Trauma Counseling by Norman Wright.

In October, two of my children moved me into their apartment complex so it would be easier for them to help me with rides to the dr, the grocery, etc. This meant changing churches. It's a challenge getting to know people in church (or in the apartments) when it is hard to talk. But I like the worship here--it has been helping me get closer to God again.

There is more to share about the effects this is having on my life, but not today. Talk to you all later.